The Fast Show Quote
Swiss Toni: What is a woman, Paul?
Paul: I beg your pardon, Swiss?
Swiss Toni: Watch me. Learn from me. I could teach you everything there is to know about this business. These aren't cars we're selling here, they're dreams. And to know about cars, to know about dreams, you have to know about women.
Paul: Right, yes, Swiss.
Swiss Toni: A woman is not just a creature that likes fine wines, Whitney Houston films, and the manly smell of a pipe. A woman is a mysterious, complex box of tricks. When you're selling a car to woman, you have to imagine you're making love to her. You have to seduce her. And when she buys, that's the Big-O: Orgasm central. Multiple orgasm would be if she bought lots of cars.
Paul: Like a fleet?
Swiss Toni: Yes, but, that never happens.
Paul: What if you're selling a car to a bloke?
Swiss Toni: Then it's all about todgers. These aren't cars, they're todgers.
Paul: But I thought you said they were dreams?
Swiss Toni: You ever dream about todgers, Paul?
Paul: No.
Swiss Toni: No, no. Neither do I, obviously. When you're selling a car to man, it all comes down to who's got the biggest todger. You have to make him think that his is bigger. But, in order to sell it to him, you have to know that yours is the biggest. You have to keep telling yourself, "I've got the biggest todger in the world".
Paul: I've got the biggest todger in the world.
Swiss Toni: It's not as big as mine, Paul. It's not as big as mine.
Paul: I beg your pardon, Swiss?
Swiss Toni: Watch me. Learn from me. I could teach you everything there is to know about this business. These aren't cars we're selling here, they're dreams. And to know about cars, to know about dreams, you have to know about women.
Paul: Right, yes, Swiss.
Swiss Toni: A woman is not just a creature that likes fine wines, Whitney Houston films, and the manly smell of a pipe. A woman is a mysterious, complex box of tricks. When you're selling a car to woman, you have to imagine you're making love to her. You have to seduce her. And when she buys, that's the Big-O: Orgasm central. Multiple orgasm would be if she bought lots of cars.
Paul: Like a fleet?
Swiss Toni: Yes, but, that never happens.
Paul: What if you're selling a car to a bloke?
Swiss Toni: Then it's all about todgers. These aren't cars, they're todgers.
Paul: But I thought you said they were dreams?
Swiss Toni: You ever dream about todgers, Paul?
Paul: No.
Swiss Toni: No, no. Neither do I, obviously. When you're selling a car to man, it all comes down to who's got the biggest todger. You have to make him think that his is bigger. But, in order to sell it to him, you have to know that yours is the biggest. You have to keep telling yourself, "I've got the biggest todger in the world".
Paul: I've got the biggest todger in the world.
Swiss Toni: It's not as big as mine, Paul. It's not as big as mine.
TV Show: The Fast Show
