The Cabin in the Woods Quotes

Mordecai: Cleanse them. Cleanse the world of their ignorance and sin. Bathe them in the crimson of... [pauses]
Mordecai: Am I on speakerphone?
Hadley: No. Absolutely not. Speakerphone, no. No, I wouldn't do that.
Mordecai: Yes, I am. I-I can hear the echo.
Hadley: Oh, my God. You're, uh, you're right. Hang on one second, I'll take you off.
Mordecai: That's rude. I don- I don't know who's in the room.

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
Dana: I'm so sorry I almost shot you... I probably wouldn't have.
Marty: Hey. Hey, no, shh, no. I totally get it. [pauses to light a reefer]
Marty: I'm sorry I let you get attacked by a werewolf and then ended the world.

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
Labcoat Girl: Wait. That's not fair. I had zombies, too!
Sitterson: Yes, you did. Yes, you had zombies. But this is Zombie Redneck Torture Family, see? They're entirely separate species. Like the difference between an elephant and an elephant seal.

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
Marty: Statistical fact. Cops will never pull over a man with a huge bong in his car. Why? They fear this man. They know he sees further than they... and he will bind them... with ancient logics.

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
Mordecai: Don't take this lightly, boy. It wasn't all by your numbers. The Fool nearly derailed the invocation with his insolence. The Ancient Ones see everything. And they will not be... I'm still on speakerphone, aren't I?
Hadley: [everyone laughing hysterically]Oh my God. Mordecai! I can't believe it. It did it again! Mordy? What happens next?

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
Marty: Yeah, I, uh, I had to dismember that guy with a trowel. What have you been up to?

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
Dana: Me? Virgin?
The Director: We work with what we have.

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
Hadley: [sighs]These fucking zombies. Remember when you could just throw a girl in a volcano?
Sitterson: How old do you think I am?

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
Sitterson: No, they have to make the choice of their own free will. Otherwise, the system doesn't work. It's like ike the Harbinger. It's this creepy old fuck, practically wears a sign, You will die. Why do we put him there? The system. They have to choose to ignore him, and they have to choose what happens in the cellar. Yeah, we rig the game as much as we need to, but in the end, they don't transgress...
Hadley: They can't be punished.

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[last lines]Marty: [incredulous]Giant evil gods.
Dana: I wish I could've seen them.
Marty: I know. That would have been a fun weekend.

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
Marty: Okay, I'm drawing a line in the fucking sand, here. Do not read the Latin.

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Marty: Good work, zombie arm.

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
Sitterson: Oh, man. I'm sorry.
Hadley: He had the conch in his hands!
Sitterson: I know. I know. A couple more minutes, who knows what might've happened? Yes.
Hadley: I am never gonna see a merman. Ever.
Sitterson: Dude, be thankful. Those things are terrifying. And the cleanup on them is a nightmare.

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Marty: Okay, my turn! Jules!
Jules: Mmm?
Marty: Truth or dare?
Jules: Let's go dare.
Marty: All right. I dare you... to make out with...
Curt: Please say Dana, please say Dana, please say Dana.
Marty: ...that moose, over there.
Dana: Um, Marty? Have you ever seen a moose before?
Marty: Whatever that mysterious beast is.
Curt: That's a wolf.
Holden: That's clearly a wolf.

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Curt: [to Dana]You shoud read... this. Gurovsky. Now, this is way more interesting. Also, Bennett doesn't know it by heart, so he'll think you're insightful. And you have no pants.

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
Marty: [referring to a one-way mirror that was discovered]It was the pioneer days. People had to make their own interrogation rooms.

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Operations Guy: Uh, I have the Harbinger on line two.
Hadley: Oh, Christ. Uh, can you take a message?

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Marty: [after discovering a hidden camera]Oh, my God. I'm on a reality TV show. My parents are gonna think I'm such a burnout.

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
Daniel Truman: [seeing zombies]They're like something from a nightmare.
Lin: No. They're something nightmares are from.

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Lin: Whatever he's been smoking's been immunizing him to all our shit.

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
Sitterson: You see this?
Lin: Perfect record, huh?
Sitterson: The Japan crew should've had this in the ba.! They fucked us! How hard is it to kill nine-year-olds?

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
[Curt sees that Jules is holding textbooks about Soviet economics and the Cold War]Curt: What is this? What are these? What are you doing with these?
Dana: Okay. I get it. I'll leave the books.
Curt: [angrily to Jules]No, no, no. Who gave you these? Who taught you about these?
Jules: I learned it from you! Okay? I learned it from watching you! [She runs out of the room in tears. Curt laughs]

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
Curt: [while staring at the lake]Hey, what is that?
Dana: What?
Curt: In the lake, right there.
Dana: Oh, come on.
Dana: You guys, I'm serious. There! There! God, it looks just like my girlfriend! [pushes Jules into the water]

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Marty: We are not who we are. [Realizing that he's stoned]
Marty: I'm gonna go read a book with pictures.

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Marty: [whispers]Puppeteers...
Dana: Puppeteers?
Marty: Pop-Tarts? Did you say you have Pop-Tarts?

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
Dana: I don't think Curt even has a cousin.

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Marty: [drives up smoking a bong]People in this town drive in a very counterintuitive manner.

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
Curt: Look, you guys just stay in the Rambler. I'll get help. If I wipe out, I'll fucking limp for help. But I'm coming back here. I'm coming back with cops and choppers and large fucking guns, and those things are going to pay... For Jules.

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Sitterson: This we offer in humility and fear. For the blessed peace of your eternal slumber. As it ever was.
Hadley: As it ever was.

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods
Marty: [to Dana kissing Holden]He's got a husband's bulge.

Movie: The Cabin in the Woods