The Big Short Quotes
Overheard at a Washington, D.C. bar: Truth is like poetry. And most people fucking hate poetry.
Movie: The Big Short
Mark Baum: I don't get it. Why are they confessing?
Danny Moses: They're not confessing.
Porter Collins: They're bragging.
Danny Moses: They're not confessing.
Porter Collins: They're bragging.
Movie: The Big Short
On screen quotation from Haruki Murakami's novel IQ84: Everyone, deep in their hearts, is waiting for the end of the world to come.
Movie: The Big Short
On screen quotation from Mark Twain: [On screen quote attributed to Mark Twain]It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
Movie: The Big Short
Danny Moses: You're completely sure of the math?
Jared Vennett: Look at him, that's my quant.
Mark Baum: Your what?
Jared Vennett: My quantitative. My math specialist. Look at him, you notice anything different about him? Look at his face.
Mark Baum: That's pretty racist.
Jared Vennett: Look at his eyes, I'll give you a hint, his name is Yang. He won a national math competition in China he doesn't even speak English! Yeah I'm sure of the math.
Jared Vennett: Look at him, that's my quant.
Mark Baum: Your what?
Jared Vennett: My quantitative. My math specialist. Look at him, you notice anything different about him? Look at his face.
Mark Baum: That's pretty racist.
Jared Vennett: Look at his eyes, I'll give you a hint, his name is Yang. He won a national math competition in China he doesn't even speak English! Yeah I'm sure of the math.
Movie: The Big Short
Ben Rickert: If we're right, people lose homes. People lose jobs. People lose retirement savings, people lose pensions. You know what I hate about fucking banking? It reduces people to numbers. Here's a number - every 1 unemployment goes up, 40,000 people die, did you know that?
Movie: The Big Short
Mark Baum: We live in an era of fraud in America. Not just in banking, but in government, education, religion, food, even baseball... What bothers me ins't that fraud is not nice. Or that fraud is mean. For fifteen thousand years, fraud and short sighted thinking have never, ever worked. Not once. Eventually you get caught, things go south. When the hell did we forget all that? I thought we were better than this, I really did.
Movie: The Big Short
Mark Baum: I have a feeling in a few years people are going to be doing what they always do when the economy tanks. They will be blaming immigrants and poor people.
Movie: The Big Short
Mark Baum: [on the phone]Ok, I want you to walk back in there and very calmly, very politely tell the risk-assessors to fuck-off!
Vinnie Daniel: [Walks into the room]Gentlemen, I just spoke with Mark Baum and he says to 'fuck off'.
Vinnie Daniel: [Walks into the room]Gentlemen, I just spoke with Mark Baum and he says to 'fuck off'.
Movie: The Big Short
Jared Vennett: Tell me the difference between stupid and illegal and I'll have my wife's brother arrested.
Movie: The Big Short
Jared Vennett: [pulling blocks from a Jenga tower]As, zero. Bs, zero. Double Bs, zero. Trible Bs, zero... [the tower topples]
Jared Vennett: And then that happens.
Mark Baum: What is that?
Jared Vennett: That's America's housing market. [Baum's team stares in utter shock]
Jared Vennett: Thank you.
Jared's Assistant (Chris): [delighted]Fuckin' A, Jared.
Jared Vennett: Shut your fuckin' mouth. [Chris' face falls in embarrassment]
Jared Vennett: And then that happens.
Mark Baum: What is that?
Jared Vennett: That's America's housing market. [Baum's team stares in utter shock]
Jared Vennett: Thank you.
Jared's Assistant (Chris): [delighted]Fuckin' A, Jared.
Jared Vennett: Shut your fuckin' mouth. [Chris' face falls in embarrassment]
Movie: The Big Short
Jamie Shipley: People hate to think about bad things happening so they always underestimate their likelihood.
Movie: The Big Short
Mark Baum: And I'm getting madder and madder and I ask this guy how he sleeps at night knowing he's ripping off working people and he just leaves. He doesn't say a word. He just walks away from the lunch. So am I fucked up or is he?
Movie: The Big Short
Jared Vennett: [Answering call on his cell phone]Is this America's angriest hedge fund?
Movie: The Big Short
Rabbi: Paul is a fine boy, and Mark is an excellent student of the Torah and the Talmud.
Mark Baum's Mom: Then what's the problem, rabbi?
Rabbi: It's the reason Mark is studying so hard. He's looking for inconsistencies in the word of God!
Mark Baum's Mom: So has he found any?
Mark Baum's Mom: Then what's the problem, rabbi?
Rabbi: It's the reason Mark is studying so hard. He's looking for inconsistencies in the word of God!
Mark Baum's Mom: So has he found any?
Movie: The Big Short
Mark Baum: We're going to wait and we're going to wait and we're going to wait until they feel the pain, until they start to bleed.
Movie: The Big Short
Mark Baum: The banks have given us 25 interest rates on credit cards. They have screwed us on student loans that we can never get out from under. Then this guy walks into my office and says those same banks got greedy, they lost track of the market, and I can profit off of their stupidity? Fuck, yeah, I want him to be right!
Movie: The Big Short
Casey: What am I supposed to do? Write a piece called We're all fucked?
Charlie Geller: Yes! That's a perfect title!
Charlie Geller: Yes! That's a perfect title!
Movie: The Big Short
Vinnie Daniel: How are you f***ing us?
Jared Vennett: When you come for the payday, I'm gonna rip your eyes out. I'm gonna make a fortune. The good news is Vinnie, you're not going to care cause you're gonna make so much money. That's what I get out of it. Wanna know what you get out of it? You get the ice cream, the hot fudge, the banana and the nuts. Right now I get the sprinkles, and ya - if this goes thru, I get the cherry. But you get the sundae Vinny. You get the sundae.
Vinnie Daniel: All right. I buy that. Thank you.
Jared Vennett: When you come for the payday, I'm gonna rip your eyes out. I'm gonna make a fortune. The good news is Vinnie, you're not going to care cause you're gonna make so much money. That's what I get out of it. Wanna know what you get out of it? You get the ice cream, the hot fudge, the banana and the nuts. Right now I get the sprinkles, and ya - if this goes thru, I get the cherry. But you get the sundae Vinny. You get the sundae.
Vinnie Daniel: All right. I buy that. Thank you.
Movie: The Big Short
Jared Vennett: [about credit default swaps]Let me put it this way: I'm standing in front of a burning house, and I'm offering you fire insurance on it.
Movie: The Big Short
Anthony Bourdain: OK, I'm a chef on a Sunday afternoon, setting the menu at a big restaurant. I ordered my fish on Friday, which is the mortgage bond that Michael Burry shorted. But some of the fresh fish doesn't sell. I don't know why. Maybe it just came out halibut has the intelligence of a dolphin. So, what am I going to do? Throw all this unsold fish, which is the BBB level of the bond, in the garbage, and take the loss? No way. Being the crafty and morally onerous chef that I am, whatever crappy levels of the bond I don't sell, I throw into a seafood stew. See, it's not old fish. It's a whole new thing! And the best part is, they're eating 3-day-old halibut. *That* is a CDO.
Movie: The Big Short
Vinnie Daniel: It's like someone hit a pinata full of white people who suck at golf.
Movie: The Big Short
Jared Vennett: In the years that followed, hundreds of bankers and rating-agency executives went to jail. The SEC was completely overhauled, and Congress had no choice but to break up the big banks and regulate the mortgage and derivative industries. Just kidding! Banks took the money the American people gave them, and used it to pay themselves huge bonuses, and lobby the Congress to kill big reform. And then they blamed immigrants and poor people, and this time even teachers! And when all was said and done, only one single banker went to jail this poor schmuck!
Movie: The Big Short
Michael Burry: I want to buy swaps on mortgage bonds. A credit default swap that pays off if the underlying bond fails.
Goldman Sachs Sales Rep (Lucy): You want to bet against the housing market?
Michael Burry: Yes.
Goldman Sachs Quant (Deeb): Why? Those bonds only fail if millions of Americans don't pay their mortgages. That's never happened in history. If you'll forgive me, Dr. Burry, it seems like a foolish investment.
Michael Burry: Well, based on prevailing sentiment, the market, the banks and popular culture, yes, it's a foolish investment. But, everyone's wrong.
Goldman Sachs Sales Rep (Lucy): This is Wall Street, Dr. Burry. If you offer us free money, we ARE going to take it...
Michael Burry: [interrupts her]My one concern is that when the bonds fail I want to be certain of payment in case of solvency issues with your bank.
Goldman Sachs Sales Rep (Lucy): I'm sorry, are you for real? You want to bet against the housing market and you're worried WE won't pay YOU?
Goldman Sachs Quant (Deeb): [confers, whispering with colleage, in a lengthy sidebar]Dr. Burry, we could work out a pay-as-we-go structure that would pay out if the bonds fail. But it would also apply to your payments if the value of the mortgage bond goes up, You'd have to pay us monthly premiums.
Goldman Sachs Sales Rep (Lucy): Is that acceptable, Dr. Burry?
Michael Burry: Yes... yes. I have prospectuses on the six mortgage-backed securities I want to short.
Goldman Sachs Quant (Deeb): [Lengthy silence as the Goldman reps scan and review the thick booklets]Dr. Burry, these should be fine.
Goldman Sachs Sales Rep (Lucy): We're prepared to sell you five million in credit default swaps on these mortgage bonds.
Michael Burry: Could we make it a hundred million?
Goldman Sachs Sales Rep (Lucy): You want to bet against the housing market?
Michael Burry: Yes.
Goldman Sachs Quant (Deeb): Why? Those bonds only fail if millions of Americans don't pay their mortgages. That's never happened in history. If you'll forgive me, Dr. Burry, it seems like a foolish investment.
Michael Burry: Well, based on prevailing sentiment, the market, the banks and popular culture, yes, it's a foolish investment. But, everyone's wrong.
Goldman Sachs Sales Rep (Lucy): This is Wall Street, Dr. Burry. If you offer us free money, we ARE going to take it...
Michael Burry: [interrupts her]My one concern is that when the bonds fail I want to be certain of payment in case of solvency issues with your bank.
Goldman Sachs Sales Rep (Lucy): I'm sorry, are you for real? You want to bet against the housing market and you're worried WE won't pay YOU?
Goldman Sachs Quant (Deeb): [confers, whispering with colleage, in a lengthy sidebar]Dr. Burry, we could work out a pay-as-we-go structure that would pay out if the bonds fail. But it would also apply to your payments if the value of the mortgage bond goes up, You'd have to pay us monthly premiums.
Goldman Sachs Sales Rep (Lucy): Is that acceptable, Dr. Burry?
Michael Burry: Yes... yes. I have prospectuses on the six mortgage-backed securities I want to short.
Goldman Sachs Quant (Deeb): [Lengthy silence as the Goldman reps scan and review the thick booklets]Dr. Burry, these should be fine.
Goldman Sachs Sales Rep (Lucy): We're prepared to sell you five million in credit default swaps on these mortgage bonds.
Michael Burry: Could we make it a hundred million?
Movie: The Big Short