Monkey Business Quotes
Manicurist: Do you want your nails trimmed long?
Chico: Oh, about an hour and a half. I got nothin' to do.
Chico: Oh, about an hour and a half. I got nothin' to do.
Movie: Monkey Business
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: I remember we didn't wanna share each other with anyone. You were so sweet. Remember how the telephone kept ringing for hours and hours and hours?
[doorbell rings]
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: I'll get it.
Barnaby: You see what I mean? Tonight were answering calls.
[doorbell rings]
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: I'll get it.
Barnaby: You see what I mean? Tonight were answering calls.
Movie: Monkey Business
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Oh, darling! Stop by the automobile agency. Mr Peabody just called and says he had a very good buy
Barnaby: A good buy? Well, good bye to you!
Barnaby: A good buy? Well, good bye to you!
Movie: Monkey Business
Barnaby: At 11: 52 this morning I took a dose of the formula,and in a few minutes, I began to behave like a college boy with 20/20 vision and no bursitis.
Movie: Monkey Business
Barnaby: Aw, c'mon; let's scalp him!
Little Indian: No; first, we gotta do a war dance!
Little Indian: No; first, we gotta do a war dance!
Movie: Monkey Business
Oliver Oxley: I want you to go into town and I want you to find Dr. Fulton.
Lois Laurel: But Mr. Oxley, which one do you want me to do first?
Lois Laurel: But Mr. Oxley, which one do you want me to do first?
Movie: Monkey Business
[to his secretary, whose assets are in other areas]
Oliver Oxley: Find someone to type this.
Oliver Oxley: Find someone to type this.
Movie: Monkey Business
[talking on the telephone to his secretary]
Oliver Oxley: Miss Laurel, now listen carefully! I want you to go to every Ford agency in town! and find Dr. Fulton!
[Miss Laurel looks confused]
Lois Laurel: But Mr. Oxley, which shall I do first?
Oliver Oxley: Miss Laurel, now listen carefully! I want you to go to every Ford agency in town! and find Dr. Fulton!
[Miss Laurel looks confused]
Lois Laurel: But Mr. Oxley, which shall I do first?
Movie: Monkey Business
Alky Briggs: Okay, he's in there. When he comes out, plug him.
Zeppo: What do we plug him with?
Alky Briggs: [referring to guns] Didn't I give you two gats?
Groucho: We had to drown the gats, but we saved you a little black gitten.
Zeppo: What do we plug him with?
Alky Briggs: [referring to guns] Didn't I give you two gats?
Groucho: We had to drown the gats, but we saved you a little black gitten.
Movie: Monkey Business
Barnaby: Hello, Griffith Park Zoo, Snake Department. Sssshhh!
Oliver Oxley: Hello? Hello? What is this?
Barnaby: What do you want?
Oliver Oxley: This is Mr Oxley.
Barnaby: I'll see if he's here.
Oliver Oxley: No, I said *this* is Oxley!
Barnaby: Who is?
Oliver Oxley: I am, speaking!
Barnaby: Oh, you're Mr Speaking...
Oliver Oxley: This is Mr Oxley speaking!
Barnaby: Oxley Speaking? Any relation to Oxley?
Oliver Oxley: Barnaby Fulton is that you?
Barnaby: Who's calling?
Oliver Oxley: I am, Barnaby!
Barnaby: Oh, no, you're not Barnaby. I'm Barnaby! I ought to know who I am.
Oliver Oxley: This is Oxley speaking, Barnaby!
Barnaby: No, that's ridiculous!Y ou can't be all three. Figure out which one you are and call me back!
Oliver Oxley: Hello? Hello? What is this?
Barnaby: What do you want?
Oliver Oxley: This is Mr Oxley.
Barnaby: I'll see if he's here.
Oliver Oxley: No, I said *this* is Oxley!
Barnaby: Who is?
Oliver Oxley: I am, speaking!
Barnaby: Oh, you're Mr Speaking...
Oliver Oxley: This is Mr Oxley speaking!
Barnaby: Oxley Speaking? Any relation to Oxley?
Oliver Oxley: Barnaby Fulton is that you?
Barnaby: Who's calling?
Oliver Oxley: I am, Barnaby!
Barnaby: Oh, no, you're not Barnaby. I'm Barnaby! I ought to know who I am.
Oliver Oxley: This is Oxley speaking, Barnaby!
Barnaby: No, that's ridiculous!Y ou can't be all three. Figure out which one you are and call me back!
Movie: Monkey Business
Barnaby: Hello, Griffith Park Zoo, Snake Department. Sssshhh!
Oliver Oxley: Hello? Hello? What is this?
Barnaby: What do you want?
Oliver Oxley: This is Mr Oxley.
Barnaby: I'll see if he's here.
Oliver Oxley: No, I said *this* is Oxley!
Barnaby: Who is?
Oliver Oxley: I am, speaking!
Barnaby: Oh, you're Mr. Speaking...
Oliver Oxley: This is Mr. Oxley speaking!
Barnaby: Oxley Speaking? Any relation to Oxley?
Oliver Oxley: Barnaby Fulton is that you?
Barnaby: Who's calling?
Oliver Oxley: I am, Barnaby!
Barnaby: Oh, no, you're not Barnaby. I'm Barnaby! I ought to know who I am.
Oliver Oxley: This is Oxley speaking, Barnaby!
Barnaby: No, that's ridiculous! You can't be all three. Figure out which one you are and call me back!
Oliver Oxley: Hello? Hello? What is this?
Barnaby: What do you want?
Oliver Oxley: This is Mr Oxley.
Barnaby: I'll see if he's here.
Oliver Oxley: No, I said *this* is Oxley!
Barnaby: Who is?
Oliver Oxley: I am, speaking!
Barnaby: Oh, you're Mr. Speaking...
Oliver Oxley: This is Mr. Oxley speaking!
Barnaby: Oxley Speaking? Any relation to Oxley?
Oliver Oxley: Barnaby Fulton is that you?
Barnaby: Who's calling?
Oliver Oxley: I am, Barnaby!
Barnaby: Oh, no, you're not Barnaby. I'm Barnaby! I ought to know who I am.
Oliver Oxley: This is Oxley speaking, Barnaby!
Barnaby: No, that's ridiculous! You can't be all three. Figure out which one you are and call me back!
Movie: Monkey Business
Barnaby: In my opinion, your opinion that it's a silly song is a silly opinion.
Movie: Monkey Business
Barnaby: In my opinion, your opinion that it's a silly song is a silly opinion.
Movie: Monkey Business
Cab Driver at Barn: That'll be $1.10.
Groucho: Here's a dollar, keep the change.
Cab Driver at Barn: But I said a dollar TEN!
Groucho: All right, give ME the dollar, I'LL keep the change.
Groucho: Here's a dollar, keep the change.
Cab Driver at Barn: But I said a dollar TEN!
Groucho: All right, give ME the dollar, I'LL keep the change.
Movie: Monkey Business
Captain Corcoran: [describing the stowaways] One of them goes around with a black moustache.
Groucho: So do I; if I had my choice, I'd go around with a little blonde.
Captain Corcoran: I said, one goes around with a black moustache.
Groucho: Well, you couldn't expect a moustache to go around by itself. Don't you think a moustache ever gets lonely, Captain?
Chico: Hey, sure it gets-a lonely. Hey, when my grandfather's beard gets here, I'd like it to meet your moustache.
Groucho: Well, I'll think it over; I'll talk it over with my moustache. Tell me, has your grandfather's beard got any money?
Chico: Money? Why, he fell hair to a fortune.
Groucho: So do I; if I had my choice, I'd go around with a little blonde.
Captain Corcoran: I said, one goes around with a black moustache.
Groucho: Well, you couldn't expect a moustache to go around by itself. Don't you think a moustache ever gets lonely, Captain?
Chico: Hey, sure it gets-a lonely. Hey, when my grandfather's beard gets here, I'd like it to meet your moustache.
Groucho: Well, I'll think it over; I'll talk it over with my moustache. Tell me, has your grandfather's beard got any money?
Chico: Money? Why, he fell hair to a fortune.
Movie: Monkey Business
Captain Corcoran: [describing the stowaways] One of them goes around with a black moustache.
Groucho: So do I; if I had my choice, I'd go around with a little blonde.
Captain Corcoran: I said, one goes around with a black moustache.
Groucho: Well, you couldn't expect a moustache to go around by itself. Don't you think a moustache ever gets lonely, Captain?
Chico: Hey, sure it gets-a lonely. Hey, when my grandfather's beard gets here, I'd like it to meet your moustache.
Groucho: Well, I'll think it over; I'll talk it over with my moustache. Tell me, has your grandfather's beard got any money?
Chico: Money? Why, he fell hair to a fortune.
Groucho: So do I; if I had my choice, I'd go around with a little blonde.
Captain Corcoran: I said, one goes around with a black moustache.
Groucho: Well, you couldn't expect a moustache to go around by itself. Don't you think a moustache ever gets lonely, Captain?
Chico: Hey, sure it gets-a lonely. Hey, when my grandfather's beard gets here, I'd like it to meet your moustache.
Groucho: Well, I'll think it over; I'll talk it over with my moustache. Tell me, has your grandfather's beard got any money?
Chico: Money? Why, he fell hair to a fortune.
Movie: Monkey Business
Chico: My father was-a partner's with Columbus.
Groucho: Your father and Columbus were partners?
Chico: You bet.
Groucho: Columbus has been dead 400 years.
Chico: Well, they told me it was my father.
Groucho: Your father and Columbus were partners?
Chico: You bet.
Groucho: Columbus has been dead 400 years.
Chico: Well, they told me it was my father.
Movie: Monkey Business
Groucho: ...Columbus was sailing along on his vessel...
Chico: On his what?
Groucho: Not on his what, on his vessel. Don't you know what vessel is?
Chico: Sure, I can vessel...
[starts whistling]
Chico: On his what?
Groucho: Not on his what, on his vessel. Don't you know what vessel is?
Chico: Sure, I can vessel...
[starts whistling]
Movie: Monkey Business
Groucho: [emerging from a haystack] Where's all those farmer's daughters I've been hearing about for years?
Movie: Monkey Business
Groucho: Afraid? Me? A man who's licked his weight in wild caterpillars? AFRAID? You bet I'm afraid!
Movie: Monkey Business
Groucho: Are you the floorwalker of this ship? I want to register a complaint.
Captain Corcoran: Why? What's the matter?
Groucho: Matter enough. You know who sneaked into my stateroom at three o'clock this morning?
Captain Corcoran: Who did that?
Groucho: Nobody, and that's my complaint.
Captain Corcoran: Why? What's the matter?
Groucho: Matter enough. You know who sneaked into my stateroom at three o'clock this morning?
Captain Corcoran: Who did that?
Groucho: Nobody, and that's my complaint.
Movie: Monkey Business
Groucho: Are you the floorwalker of this ship? I want to register a complaint.
Captain Corcoran: Why? What's the matter?
Groucho: Matter enough. You know who sneaked into my stateroom at three o'clock this morning?
Captain Corcoran: Who did that?
Groucho: Nobody, and that's my complaint.
Captain Corcoran: Why? What's the matter?
Groucho: Matter enough. You know who sneaked into my stateroom at three o'clock this morning?
Captain Corcoran: Who did that?
Groucho: Nobody, and that's my complaint.
Movie: Monkey Business
Groucho: How about you and I passing out on the veranda; or would you rather pass out here?
Woman at Party: Sir, you have the advantage of me.
Groucho: Not yet I haven't, but wait till I get you outside.
Woman at Party: Sir, you have the advantage of me.
Groucho: Not yet I haven't, but wait till I get you outside.
Movie: Monkey Business
Groucho: I know, heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns.
Movie: Monkey Business