Green Wing Quotes

Boyce: Can I have it back, please? My potty putty?
Dr. Alan Statham: Well, I daresay you can. You're a big, strong boy and I've no doubt that if I were to give it back to you, I'm sure you could hold it and therefore have it in your possession.
Boyce: May I have my potty putty back, please?
Dr. Alan Statham: Thank you. [hands back]
Dr. Alan Statham: There you go, take your p-p-potty putty and go and do some growing up somewhere else!
Boyce: Oh, er, by the way, Professor McMay does want to come to your lecture... Professor McMay from pedantics.
Dr. Alan Statham: I don't know any Professor McMay.
Boyce: Oh, sorry, did I get it wrong again? Sorry. Professor McCan from paediatrics.
Dr. Alan Statham: Will you desist? He's a very important man, and you're not to play with his name. No - when is he coming? The Professor.
Boyce: The, er, 21st of Can.

Movie: Green Wing
Dr. Caroline Todd: I do like him.
Sue White: I see.
Dr. Caroline Todd: In a non-professional way.
Sue White: Ah.
Dr. Caroline Todd: And I work with him every day so... [Sue makes strange gagging noises]
Dr. Caroline Todd: What?
Sue White: Nothing. It's - er - you work with him every day?
Dr. Caroline Todd: Yeah.
Sue White: Guy?
Dr. Caroline Todd: No.
Sue White: The other one?
Dr. Caroline Todd: Yeah.
Sue White: [close to tears] The - er - the one with the lion's mane?
Dr. Caroline Todd: I - w - yeah.
Sue White: I see. Well, Dr Trod, maybe you've had your chance with him. Maybe it's too late. Maybe someone else deserves to take priority. Maybe you should just STAY AWAY or pay the price. Mmm, mmm? Now maybe you should think about that. You've been warned, lady.

Movie: Green Wing
Dr. Macartney: Can I go and cut people up now?
Dr. Caroline Todd: Yes.
Dr. Macartney: Excellent!

Movie: Green Wing
Dr. Martin Dear: You know, I've never really even touched anyone that attractive.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Well, I don't mind you touching my arm if you want.
Dr. Martin Dear: Oh, it's not quite the same is it?

Movie: Green Wing
Sue White: Yes?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: I haven't asked the question yet.
Sue White: Yes.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Is the answer?
Sue White: What?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Is yes the answer?
Sue White: Is the question.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: But is yes the answer? Take a gamble.
Sue White: I don't know, is it?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Take a gamble.
Sue White: No.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: No is the answer?
Sue White: No is the answer. Yes is never the answer.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: So no is the answer?
Sue White: No is the answer.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: So if I were to say, are you going to ever have sex with any other man apart from me, then your answer is no?
Sue White: Do you want to have sex with me? I mean, do you want to just have, do you want to just **** me now? Do you wanna do that? Do you wanna just get your cock out and **** me now? How about that, yeah? Shall we, here... on the table? Yeah, how about whopping it up my ass, what about that Mr. Secretan? Not Doctor... but Mister. Yeah? One above Doctor, how about that yeah? Mr. Secretan whopping up the staff liaison's ass. [pause]
Sue White: So wipe yourself down and come back and tell me what you think about that, 'kay?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Not sure I can stand up.
Sue White: No? Well I'll leave for a few moments, shall I?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: OK. Shut the door.
Sue White

Movie: Green Wing
[Sue has bought Guy at the slave auction since Mac wasn't available]
Sue White: Right, now, you are my slave and I can make you do anything I want you to, Dr Secretan.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Yeah, within reason.
Sue White: Well, not necessarily. [she pulls a red curly wig out of her bag]
Sue White: Right, for instance, pop this on.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: What?
Sue White: Go on, slave, pop that on! [Guy puts the wig on reluctantly]
Sue White: Oohh, good, just, er, you know, suck your cheeks in.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Why?
Sue White: Just do it! Just pretend you've got cheekbones.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Right, okay... [he does as he is told]
Sue White: And say Hello, Sue.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Hello, Sue.
Sue White: [she moans] ...�I'm Dr McCartney...
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: I'm Dr... ahhhhh. Oh, I'm not saying it, oh, for God's sake!
Sue White: Yeah, touch my bottom! Touch! Touch it! [Guy grabs it reluctantly]
Sue White: Haaaahhhh, ahhoh, hihhihi...! [she giggles girlishly]
Sue White: Well, let's buy a sofa together, Mac, shall we? Shall we? It's nice, isn't it?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Oh, it's great.
Sue White: Nice showroom, this, isnt it? Not too busy for a Saturday? Like this one? Shall we? Shall we buy it?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Yes, let's buy it, darling.
Sue White: Oooohhh, okay!

Movie: Green Wing

Dr. Guilaume Secretan: [to Sue White] Do you know what I like about you? [pause]
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Fuck all. [leaves]

TV Show: Green Wing

Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Buggering wank!
Dr. Macartney: No, no, don't tell me the Swiss water polo team lost again!

TV Show: Green Wing

Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Do you think you could kill somebody out of work?
Dr. Macartney: What, kill an unemployed person?

TV Show: Green Wing

Dr. Guilaume Secretan: I can do a surface dive in my pyjamas.
Dr. Macartney: That's probably very handy for a bedwetter.

TV Show: Green Wing

Dr. Guilaume Secretan: I could happily kill everyone with a baseball cap.
Dr. Macartney: One baseball cap?

TV Show: Green Wing

Dr. Guilaume Secretan: I feel safe here. It reminds me of...
Sue White: Being locked away as a boarding-school boy for tampering with your down-belows?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Yep... No!

TV Show: Green Wing

Dr. Martin Dear: It is for a good cause.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: I don't do good causes, OK? A charity shag maybe, but certainly not to raise fucking money for medical equipment.

TV Show: Green Wing

Dr. Martin Dear: No, actually, it's a note and it's quite hard.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Suicide note?
Dr. Martin Dear: No.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Shame.

TV Show: Green Wing

Dr. Martin Dear: She's my smoo too!
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: She's your smoo? And my smoo!
Dr. Martin Dear: What are we going to do?

TV Show: Green Wing

Dr. Martin Dear: The patients don't like me.
Sue White: I see. Anything else?

TV Show: Green Wing

Dr. Guilaume Secretan: [on Martin's new party outfit] Oh look, it's the love child of Wayne Sleep and Godzilla. What are you, the eighth dwarf, Twatty? You know, even if you were from the future you'd still be wrong. Actually do you know what I like about this outfit? Fuck all. [sucks the spikes on his shoulders]

TV Show: Green Wing

Dr. Martin Dear: You know, I've never really even touched anyone that attractive.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Well, I don't mind you touching my arm if you want.
Dr. Martin Dear: Oh, it's not quite the same is it?

TV Show: Green Wing
[Boyce has taken Dr Statham to a restaurant after having bought him at the slave auction]
Dr. Alan Statham: Joanna brought me here once... to discuss hospital employment policy. Surreptitiously however, I was bringing her to climax with a breadstick.

TV Show: Green Wing
[Dr Secretan comes into Sue's office with a small boy under his arm]
Sue White: What's this?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: It's a kid. Um, what do they eat?
Sue White: Is it lost?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: No. I borrowed it from someone because I'm trying to pull and apparently women love it. [pause]
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Is it doing anything for me?
Sue White: No.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: [he puts the child down on Sue's desk] Here, you have it. [he leaves]
Sue White: [looks at the child less than enthusiastic] Er, hello.
toddler: Hello.
Sue White: Hello. Umm... do you, do you want one of these? [she pulls a lolly out of a drawer]
toddler: Yes, please. [holds out a hand towards the lolly]
Sue White: [pulls the lolly away] Well, you can't have it.

TV Show: Green Wing
[Guy has let slip that he was a bridesmaid at the age of five]
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: It was a turn of phrase!
Dr. Macartney: Turn of gender?

TV Show: Green Wing
[Guy is explaining the rules of "guyball"]
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Now remember, don't leave the parish, if you get to the maison, put your hand up and shout, "Maison!"
Dr. Macartney: Maison!
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: There are no hedgehogs, and no burrowing tactics. I won the toss, so sticklers are random. Have you got that?
Dr. Martin Dear: No, not really.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Good. Go!

TV Show: Green Wing
[Sue has bought Guy at the slave auction since Mac wasn't available]
Sue White: Right, now, you are my slave and I can make you do anything I want you to, Dr Secretan.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Yeah, within reason.
Sue White: Well, not necessarily. [she pulls a red curly wig out of her bag]
Sue White: Right, for instance, pop this on.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: What?
Sue White: Go on, slave, pop that on! [Guy puts the wig on reluctantly]
Sue White: Oohh, good, just, er, you know, suck your cheeks in.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Why?
Sue White: Just do it! Just pretend you've got cheekbones.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Right, okay... [he does as he is told]
Sue White: And say "Hello, Sue".
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Hello, Sue.
Sue White: [she moans] ..."I'm Dr McCartney"...
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: I'm Dr... ahhhhh. Oh, I'm not saying it, oh, for God's sake!
Sue White: Yeah, touch my bottom! Touch! Touch it! [Guy grabs it reluctantly]
Sue White: Haaaahhhh, ahhoh, hihhihi...! [she giggles girlishly]
Sue White: Well, let's buy a sofa together, Mac, shall we? Shall we? It's nice, isn't it?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Oh, it's great.
Sue White: Nice showroom, this, isnt it? Not too busy for a Saturday? Like this one? Shall we? Shall we buy it?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Yes, let's buy it, darling.
Sue White: Oooohhh, okay!
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: I could see my white puny body draped across it. I can see my ginger pubes collecting in the cracks.
Sue White: Can you? Oh stop it! Ohhh, in my crack! Collecting in my crack! Oh, lovely! Oooooohhh, you lovely thing!

TV Show: Green Wing

Dr. Angela Hunter: Martin's got his result.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Is it terminal?

TV Show: Green Wing

Boyce: [to Alan] You can't make me laugh... by poking me.

TV Show: Green Wing

Sue White: [sitting at her desk, she has put a fan in front of her so that her hair flows freely in the wind. Throughout the conversation she wriggles around on her desk seductively]
Dr. Macartney: It is a ridiculous shift pattern if it allows Secretan the arse and another key member of my team to go off at the same time, you know - together!
Sue White: Key member of the team? - no. Scatterbrain floozy? yes!
Dr. Macartney: Okay, I don't want to be without the scatterbrain floozy and without the arrogant knobhead at the same time.
Sue White: Well, there is more than adequate cover.
Dr. Macartney: I don't think there is.
Sue White: Guy is far from irreplaceable, now that is something you've always said.
Dr. Macartney: Yes, I've always said that - very happy to have him out of my sight.
Sue White: And, you managed fine before the scatterbrain floozy arrived.
Dr. Macartney: Did I?
Sue White: Yeah!
Dr. Macartney: Yes, I suppose I did, yes.
Sue White: So what's the problem?
Dr. Macartney: I don't want them to be off - both at the same time! I don't!
Sue White: Why?
Dr. Macartney: Just because.
Sue White: Because why?
Dr. Macartney: Because... because guy is a wanker!
Sue White: Yeah, well, I actually, you know I don't draw up the rosters.
Dr. Macartney: Sorry, are yóu on my side here, or not...?
Sue White: Dr Macartney, Dr Macartney, yes, I'm always on your side, you know I'm by your side, I'm up your side, I'm through your side, I'm *under* your side... I'm all over your side.
Dr. Macartney: Okay, that's time for me to go now, okay. [leaves]
Sue White: I can do headstands! Now, would you like to

TV Show: Green Wing

Sue White: Dr Secretan... are you ok?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: [sobbing] Don't touch me.
Sue White: And you're hiding in the coats because?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: I feel safe here... It reminds me of...
Sue White: Being locked up when you were a boarding school boy for being caught tampering with your down belows?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Yep... No! I just wanted some space - would you just go away?
Sue White: No. Now what's the problem? I'm here to help, to listen, to soothe.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: My mother's womb is no more.
Sue White: Oh, dear. Hysterectomy?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: No, she died when I was very young. Left me motherless and now my life is just a shambles without her and it's getting worse... I mean, look at my eyes
Sue White: There's nothing wrong with your eyes... you have very nice eyes. If a little on the pokey side.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Don't be nice to me!
Sue White: Oh, all right! Pull yourself together you cretinous Fuckwit! What sort of a man hides in other people's coats? Rocking and whinging to themselves? I'll tell you what sort of a man... a self centered, egotistical wankbot. Now unhook yourself... and stop being so weak. Men don't cry. They are strong hunter-gatherers! So go hunt, go gather and be a total *cunt* because that's what you do best!
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: [shouts] Fuck you! You ugly bitch... Oh, that feels so much better. Do you fancy a quick fiddle now we're in here?
Sue White: Well, I am tempted because I'm all fired up. But no, thanks, I'd rather lick my own armpit.

TV Show: Green Wing

Sue White: Oh, God, you know, I am sorry to drag you in here again, Mac, I know this is boring. Bloody computer virus has wiped off half your record. So, still single, I see, and no-one can understand it! Why you haven't been snapped up is a mystery to me.
Dr. Macartney: Aha.
Sue White: [types something into her computer very quickly] God, I want you. Not just sexually, in every way. [fast typing]
Sue White: I want to wake up next to you, watch you sleep, [typing]
Sue White: run my hand over your back and edge forward into regions knowing that my hand could make you feel like no other could. [more typing]
Sue White: Mobile phone number?
Dr. Macartney: 07956, actually, I'm between...
Sue White: Thighs?
Dr. Macartney: ...networks.
Sue White: Okay. [typing]
Sue White: And, um... Oh, my God, I want to feel you in my mouth. [typing]
Sue White: House number?
Dr. Macartney: 21.
Sue White: That's it! That's all we were missing. All righty. Well, you know, you're free to go. See you at the slave auction.
Dr. Macartney: Yes.
Sue White: [whispering] I have an unlimited budget!

TV Show: Green Wing

Sue White: This is Dr Macartney.
Dr. Macartney: Hi - Mac, call me Mac, hi.
Dr. Caroline Todd: Any relation to...
Dr. Macartney: Ringo Starr? No, actually, but impeccable timing because we're a pair of hands down on a routine hernia operation.

TV Show: Green Wing

Sue White: Yes?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: I haven't asked the question yet.
Sue White: Yes.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Is the answer?
Sue White: What?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Is yes the answer?
Sue White: Is the question.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: But is yes the answer? Take a gamble.
Sue White: I don't know, is it?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Take a gamble.
Sue White: No.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: No is the answer?
Sue White: No is the answer. Yes is never the answer.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: So no is the answer?
Sue White: No is the answer.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: So if I were to say, are you going to ever have sex with any other man apart from me, then your answer is no?
Sue White: Do you want to have sex with me? I mean, do you want to just have, do you want to just fuck me now? Do you wanna do that? Do you wanna just get your cock out and fuck me now? How about that, yeah? Shall we, here... on the table? Yeah, how about whopping it up my ass, what about that Mr. Secretan? Not Doctor... but Mister. Yeah? One above Doctor, how about that yeah? Mr. Secretan whopping up the staff liaison's ass. [pause]
Sue White: So wipe yourself down and come back and tell me what you think about that, 'kay?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Not sure I can stand up.
Sue White: No? Well I'll leave for a few moments, shall I?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan: OK. Shut the door.
Sue White: OK.

TV Show: Green Wing