Goon Quotes
Gord Ogilvey: Alright boys, listen up. We're sill in this thing. We just need a quick one.
John Stevenson: Listen up Cash!
Gord Ogilvey: We gotta work harder than them, okay?
John Stevenson: Harder than them, guys.
Gord Ogilvey: You know what's hard work? Going through a divorce, she's trying to get all my money now. She can have half of it, I don't give a shit. The other half, hard work, mine! Some guys on their team are fuckin' divorced. Three guys there, who's fuckin' marriages are in the fuckin' toilet.
John Stevenson: We're playing divorced guys.
Doug Glatt: Yeah!
Gord Ogilvey: We gotta be fuckin' triceps, biceps, arceps hard!
Doug Glatt: Hard!
Gord Ogilvey: Greek fuckin' underground gay porn hard!
John Stevenson: We're all Adonis's
Gord Ogilvey: Highlanders, gay porn hard!
Doug Glatt: Gay porn hard!
John Stevenson: Listen up Cash!
Gord Ogilvey: We gotta work harder than them, okay?
John Stevenson: Harder than them, guys.
Gord Ogilvey: You know what's hard work? Going through a divorce, she's trying to get all my money now. She can have half of it, I don't give a shit. The other half, hard work, mine! Some guys on their team are fuckin' divorced. Three guys there, who's fuckin' marriages are in the fuckin' toilet.
John Stevenson: We're playing divorced guys.
Doug Glatt: Yeah!
Gord Ogilvey: We gotta be fuckin' triceps, biceps, arceps hard!
Doug Glatt: Hard!
Gord Ogilvey: Greek fuckin' underground gay porn hard!
John Stevenson: We're all Adonis's
Gord Ogilvey: Highlanders, gay porn hard!
Doug Glatt: Gay porn hard!
Movie: Goon
Rod McCaudry: [after a horrendous rendition of the national anthem]Well that was borderline treasonous, and a disgrace to our nation and its proud and storied history. My father didn't kick the Nazis'... and the puck drops!
Movie: Goon
Marco: Two rules, man: Stay away from my fuckin' percocets and do you have any fucking percocets, man?
Movie: Goon
Evgeni: We should sign his dick. Everyone sign his dick!
Doug Glatt: What's happening here?
Oleg: What's the matter? You have a little puss-puss? Mommy whipped up a pussy pot pie, huh?
Evgeni: Let's see what's going on over there.
Oleg: Show us your dick.
Doug Glatt: I don't want you to see my dick.
Oleg: Why you being gay?
Marco: I think you're fuckin', being... pretty gay.
Oleg: It's not gay.
Evgeni: Not if you're brothers.
Marco: If you're brothers it's gay with a fuckin' dash of something else.
Doug Glatt: My brother's gay and he doesn't even do that.
Marco: I've been playing hockey my whole life, I never fuckin' signed no ones dick man.
John Stevenson: I'll sign your dick Doug.
Doug Glatt: What's happening here?
Oleg: What's the matter? You have a little puss-puss? Mommy whipped up a pussy pot pie, huh?
Evgeni: Let's see what's going on over there.
Oleg: Show us your dick.
Doug Glatt: I don't want you to see my dick.
Oleg: Why you being gay?
Marco: I think you're fuckin', being... pretty gay.
Oleg: It's not gay.
Evgeni: Not if you're brothers.
Marco: If you're brothers it's gay with a fuckin' dash of something else.
Doug Glatt: My brother's gay and he doesn't even do that.
Marco: I've been playing hockey my whole life, I never fuckin' signed no ones dick man.
John Stevenson: I'll sign your dick Doug.
Movie: Goon
[after Eva comes up to him crying]Doug Glatt: Hey - what happened? Did you just watch Rudy?
Movie: Goon
Doug Glatt: Where is LaFlamme?
Gord Ogilvey: Probably giving some single mother herpes out in the parking lot.
Gord Ogilvey: Probably giving some single mother herpes out in the parking lot.
Movie: Goon
Rollie Hortense: It's just too bad those are your teammates that you fucked up out there.
Doug Glatt: Oh, I'm sorry sir.
Rollie Hortense: Of course, on the bright side, those are your teammates that you fucked up out there. What do you say son, you wanna be an Assassin?
Doug Glatt: Yes, yes.
Rollie Hortense: What number you wanna wear?
Ryan: 69! Take the number 69, It's hilarious!
Doug Glatt: Is that number taken?
Doug Glatt: Oh, I'm sorry sir.
Rollie Hortense: Of course, on the bright side, those are your teammates that you fucked up out there. What do you say son, you wanna be an Assassin?
Doug Glatt: Yes, yes.
Rollie Hortense: What number you wanna wear?
Ryan: 69! Take the number 69, It's hilarious!
Doug Glatt: Is that number taken?
Movie: Goon
Ross Rhea: You have my respect. Whatever that means to you, you got it. But, know this shit hard. If ever there comes a time when it gets down to the marrow, and it's you and me. Kid, I will lay you the fuck out.
Movie: Goon
Eva: I did it. I broke up with him.
Doug Glatt: Holy shit.
Eva: I don't even know what the fuck I'm...
Doug Glatt: Hey, come on. From what I saw from him he seemed like a really nice guy.
Eva: I'm just not in love with him.
Doug Glatt: You're not?
Eva: No. You. You make me want to stop sleeping with a bunch of guys.
Doug Glatt: That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me.
Doug Glatt: Holy shit.
Eva: I don't even know what the fuck I'm...
Doug Glatt: Hey, come on. From what I saw from him he seemed like a really nice guy.
Eva: I'm just not in love with him.
Doug Glatt: You're not?
Eva: No. You. You make me want to stop sleeping with a bunch of guys.
Doug Glatt: That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me.
Movie: Goon
Rod McCaudry: That's the first win in a month! I'm gonna go crack some champagne and make love to my old lady! It'll be the first time, the best time, in a long time!
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Ryan: Look at you, you're a - you're a fucking beast. You're like the fucking Hebrew Dolph Lundgren or some shit.
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Ross Rhea: Kid, you got this thing. The stuff. The shit. The fuckin' grit, you got it, like me. But like me, that's all you fuckin' got. And like me, you're no good to anyone doing anything else. All I'm saying is don't go trying to be a hockey player. You'll get your fuckin' heart ripped out.
Movie: Goon
Ryan: I've never seen Rhea lose his shit like that before. He got suspended for 20 fucking games. Boston sends him down to St. John's. He's 40-years old. That's it! He's fucking done, son. I'll probably feature it on next week's Hot Ice, unless that motherfucker Sully from Worcester calls in again. Last week, he called in pretending that he was from some fucking sweepstakes and he told me that I had won the grand prize of 50 cocks in my mouth. He goes, I have the option of sucking all 50 at once or one a month for 50 fucking months. Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring you down, pal.
Doug Glatt: Oh, no no no. I don't have a thing, you know? Like, you have your show. My dad and my brother, they have their doctor thing. I don't got a thing. Everybody's got something but me.
Ryan: Would it help that I want you inside me? That I want you to make lemonade in my chocolate factory? Hey? Fuck this sad shit. Let's just go watch the Assassins kick the shit out of Oshawa. I'll fill your big thick ass full of fucking corn dogs.
Doug Glatt: Oh, no no no. I don't have a thing, you know? Like, you have your show. My dad and my brother, they have their doctor thing. I don't got a thing. Everybody's got something but me.
Ryan: Would it help that I want you inside me? That I want you to make lemonade in my chocolate factory? Hey? Fuck this sad shit. Let's just go watch the Assassins kick the shit out of Oshawa. I'll fill your big thick ass full of fucking corn dogs.
Movie: Goon
Doug Glatt: I'm here to do whatever they need me to do. You know, if they need me to bleed, then I'll bleed for my team.
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Ronnie Hortense: And for those of you who think you've got no practice tomorrow. 6 AM, bag skate pussies! I wanna see every single one of you work your fucking asses off until you puke your guts out! This is not fucking Baseball! Do you wanna make the playoffs or not? Goddamnit.
Movie: Goon
Doug Glatt: I think we both have a light in our stomachs. A special light. Like ET. And the team needs somebody to light the way. My stomach light needs your stomach light. We can all phone home together.
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O'Sullivan: Hi there, I was wondering if you like hot dogs.
Doug Glatt: Yes, I like hot dogs.
O'Sullivan: Great!
Doug Glatt: Um, but I prefer corn dogs because you don't need a bun for it. Because the bun is all around it and you can eat it from a stick.
O'Sullivan: You like hot dogs 'cause you like cocks in your mouth, son!
Ryan: You motherfucker!
O'Sullivan: Sully from Worcester, bitches!
Ryan: Dammit! Fuck you, Gus and Brian! You motherfuckers! You're supposed to screen this shit!
Doug Glatt: Yes, I like hot dogs.
O'Sullivan: Great!
Doug Glatt: Um, but I prefer corn dogs because you don't need a bun for it. Because the bun is all around it and you can eat it from a stick.
O'Sullivan: You like hot dogs 'cause you like cocks in your mouth, son!
Ryan: You motherfucker!
O'Sullivan: Sully from Worcester, bitches!
Ryan: Dammit! Fuck you, Gus and Brian! You motherfuckers! You're supposed to screen this shit!
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Ryan: Ladies and gentlemen, this is actually fucking happening. Dougie The Thug Glatt is about to fucking drop the gloves and take on Ross The Boss Rhea. This has all the elements of a fucking sports masterpiece. Holy fuck! We've got the worried lady friend's face frozen with concern. We got the gay brother. Yup! And the loveable, wisecracking best friend. Orangetown, son! Pussy crew, album dropping. Oh fuck, here we go!
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Oldfield: Hey Glatt, you little fuckin' dick weed. You try any of that shit you did against Hamilton on me, I'll light your fuckin' ass up!
Doug Glatt: Hey! I'll light your ass... back up... on fire.
Doug Glatt: Hey! I'll light your ass... back up... on fire.
Movie: Goon
Ross Rhea: So Huntsie I was wondering. How long does it take you to get your hair like that?
Huntington: About four hours.
Ross Rhea: It's nice. Somebody thinks you look like Stevie Wonder on steroids, but I like it.
Huntington: Fuck you!
Ross Rhea: Ooh! Look at that face pussy that rookie gave you. Come on!
Huntington: About four hours.
Ross Rhea: It's nice. Somebody thinks you look like Stevie Wonder on steroids, but I like it.
Huntington: Fuck you!
Ross Rhea: Ooh! Look at that face pussy that rookie gave you. Come on!
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Dr. Glatt: They call you Thug, for Christ's sake! It might as well say security on the back of your sweater. Excuse me.
Ira: Doug, I am proud of you.
Doug Glatt: Thanks, buddy.
Ira: Okay? But I'm gonna go with mom and dad. They've got my passport.
Ira: Doug, I am proud of you.
Doug Glatt: Thanks, buddy.
Ira: Okay? But I'm gonna go with mom and dad. They've got my passport.
Movie: Goon
Ryan: Look, no disrespect intended, but honestly fuck your parents if they don't fucking appreciate you.
Movie: Goon
Ross Rhea: Don't go trying to be a hockey player.
Doug Glatt: But I am a hockey player, sir.
Ross Rhea: You're a fucking goon.
Doug Glatt: But I am a hockey player, sir.
Ross Rhea: You're a fucking goon.
Movie: Goon
Ronnie Hortense: Yeah, you've done it before you pussy. And I know you fuck your players. Don't deny it!
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Ryan: [to Eva]Did you fall off a toilet paper roll? Do you pee rainbows? Do you fart cinnamon?
Ira: Don't ruin this for Doug, man.
Ryan: Does a rainbow come out of your nipples?
Ira: Don't ruin this for Doug, man.
Ryan: Does a rainbow come out of your nipples?
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Eva: You make me wanna stop sleeping with a bunch of guys.
Doug Glatt: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Doug Glatt: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Movie: Goon
Eva: I can't really talk right now. That's why I was texting you.
Doug Glatt: I'm sorry. I'm such a moron. So you saw my headbutt, huh?
Eva: [whispering]Yeah, you fucked him up.
Doug Glatt: Are you at the library?
Eva: No, um. My boyfriend got home a few days ago.
Doug Glatt: Why did you text me then?
Eva: I dig talking to you. And now I'm thinking about you. And sometimes I sleep with that Angus the Highlander doll.
Doug Glatt: There's nothing weird about that. It's official.
Eva: Yeah, Doug. I know. Fuck. I'm a bad girlfriend, Doug.
Doug Glatt: Well, I mean, all we did was make out.
Eva: I'm a slut, Doug. I'm horny a lot. I sleep around. That doesn't bother you?
Doug Glatt: The truth is, I just... I have a really huge crush on you.
Eva: I gotta go, Doug.
Doug Glatt: I'm sorry. I'm such a moron. So you saw my headbutt, huh?
Eva: [whispering]Yeah, you fucked him up.
Doug Glatt: Are you at the library?
Eva: No, um. My boyfriend got home a few days ago.
Doug Glatt: Why did you text me then?
Eva: I dig talking to you. And now I'm thinking about you. And sometimes I sleep with that Angus the Highlander doll.
Doug Glatt: There's nothing weird about that. It's official.
Eva: Yeah, Doug. I know. Fuck. I'm a bad girlfriend, Doug.
Doug Glatt: Well, I mean, all we did was make out.
Eva: I'm a slut, Doug. I'm horny a lot. I sleep around. That doesn't bother you?
Doug Glatt: The truth is, I just... I have a really huge crush on you.
Eva: I gotta go, Doug.
Movie: Goon
Doug Glatt: Hey! What the hell?
Ryan: Recognize!
Doug Glatt: Of course I recognize you!
Ryan: You recognize this big fuckin' beautiful family of yours?
Doug Glatt: Oh my god, this is amazing, I'm so happy!
Ronnie Hortense: Glatt! What the fuck are you doing mother fucker? Start skating, chase some ice!
Ryan: Recognize!
Doug Glatt: Of course I recognize you!
Ryan: You recognize this big fuckin' beautiful family of yours?
Doug Glatt: Oh my god, this is amazing, I'm so happy!
Ronnie Hortense: Glatt! What the fuck are you doing mother fucker? Start skating, chase some ice!
Movie: Goon