Goon Quotes
Oldfield: You want a fucking piece of me?
Doug Glatt: Hi.
Oldfield: You fucking pussy. I'm gonna fuck you up, Glatt. Fuck you! You fucking take it, you motherfucker. You fucking bitch! [punches Glatt]
Rollie Hortense: What are you doing? Fucking hit him!
Doug Glatt: Hi.
Oldfield: You fucking pussy. I'm gonna fuck you up, Glatt. Fuck you! You fucking take it, you motherfucker. You fucking bitch! [punches Glatt]
Rollie Hortense: What are you doing? Fucking hit him!
Movie: Goon
Ross Rhea: [points at referee who is just about to hand out a penalty to him]Don't you fucking dare!
Movie: Goon
Doug Glatt: I wanted to give this to mom and dad, actually.
Mrs. Glatt: Douglas, it's good to see that you're having fun with this, you know, hobby.
Doug Glatt: It's not a hobby. It's my job, mom. I'm a hockey player.
Dr. Glatt: Have you thought at all to the head injuries that come with playing such a violent sport? The concussions?
Mrs. Glatt: How long do you think you can do this?
Ira: Mom!
Dr. Glatt: It's an infantile way for a man to spend his adult years.
Doug Glatt: No it isn't.
Dr. Glatt: You can do anything except punch people, okay?
Doug Glatt: No I couldn't.
Dr. Glatt: You can teach!
Doug Glatt: No, I can't! Okay? I can't because I'm stupid. I'm stupid!
Ira: Doug, you're not that stupid.
Doug Glatt: I am. I'm stupid. [to Ira]
Doug Glatt: You're gay! I'm stupid and he's gay. Stupid. Gay. You have one stupid son and you've got a gay son. For once in my life I'm actually a part of something. I get to wear a uniform that doesn't have security on it. Kids buy it and they wear it and it's got our name on it. Not, for whatever reason, you guys think that I can be smart enough to be a doctor. I have fist smarts. I can fight. I'm strong and I can protect people. That's who I am. That's what I do. And you should be proud of me.
Mrs. Glatt: Douglas, it's good to see that you're having fun with this, you know, hobby.
Doug Glatt: It's not a hobby. It's my job, mom. I'm a hockey player.
Dr. Glatt: Have you thought at all to the head injuries that come with playing such a violent sport? The concussions?
Mrs. Glatt: How long do you think you can do this?
Ira: Mom!
Dr. Glatt: It's an infantile way for a man to spend his adult years.
Doug Glatt: No it isn't.
Dr. Glatt: You can do anything except punch people, okay?
Doug Glatt: No I couldn't.
Dr. Glatt: You can teach!
Doug Glatt: No, I can't! Okay? I can't because I'm stupid. I'm stupid!
Ira: Doug, you're not that stupid.
Doug Glatt: I am. I'm stupid. [to Ira]
Doug Glatt: You're gay! I'm stupid and he's gay. Stupid. Gay. You have one stupid son and you've got a gay son. For once in my life I'm actually a part of something. I get to wear a uniform that doesn't have security on it. Kids buy it and they wear it and it's got our name on it. Not, for whatever reason, you guys think that I can be smart enough to be a doctor. I have fist smarts. I can fight. I'm strong and I can protect people. That's who I am. That's what I do. And you should be proud of me.
Movie: Goon
Ronnie Hortense: Boys.
Xavier LaFlamme: Coach.
Ronnie Hortense: Well, one of you has really been impressing me with your play lately, and one of you hasn't. Either one of you wanna venture to guess as to who's who? [pause]
Ronnie Hortense: Ok, well, LaFlamme I'm ripping that A off your jersey. You don't deserve it unless the A stands for asshole, which is the way you've been playing. Glatt, you're promoted. Assistant captain. Good on ya, keep up the good work. There's the game puck. I'm proud of you!
Doug Glatt: Thanks, coach.
Ronnie Hortense: Xavier, you can take this the right way or the wrong way, son! Ladies' choice.
Xavier LaFlamme: Coach.
Ronnie Hortense: Well, one of you has really been impressing me with your play lately, and one of you hasn't. Either one of you wanna venture to guess as to who's who? [pause]
Ronnie Hortense: Ok, well, LaFlamme I'm ripping that A off your jersey. You don't deserve it unless the A stands for asshole, which is the way you've been playing. Glatt, you're promoted. Assistant captain. Good on ya, keep up the good work. There's the game puck. I'm proud of you!
Doug Glatt: Thanks, coach.
Ronnie Hortense: Xavier, you can take this the right way or the wrong way, son! Ladies' choice.
Movie: Goon
Doug Glatt: What's your problem?
Xavier LaFlamme: I'll tell you my problem. How many minutes did you play tonight, huh?
Doug Glatt: Eleven. So?
Xavier LaFlamme: You skate like shit, but you play eleven fucking minutes. Who the fuck are you? I'm a fucking hockey player. You steal my A, you steal my power play. You're a fucking goon! A thug! You're fucking nothing! [punches Glatt]
Doug Glatt: You are not a hockey player. And the only reason why I'm not knocking your teeth out right now is because you're on my team. Do you have any idea what would happen if I stopped watching your back?
Xavier LaFlamme: Yeah. It'd be like before you came. I like that better.
Xavier LaFlamme: I'll tell you my problem. How many minutes did you play tonight, huh?
Doug Glatt: Eleven. So?
Xavier LaFlamme: You skate like shit, but you play eleven fucking minutes. Who the fuck are you? I'm a fucking hockey player. You steal my A, you steal my power play. You're a fucking goon! A thug! You're fucking nothing! [punches Glatt]
Doug Glatt: You are not a hockey player. And the only reason why I'm not knocking your teeth out right now is because you're on my team. Do you have any idea what would happen if I stopped watching your back?
Xavier LaFlamme: Yeah. It'd be like before you came. I like that better.
Movie: Goon
Doug Glatt: Man, I'm wasted. Eva, I really like your name.
Eva: Yes, sir. It's a great name. Like the Bible just with a bit more, kind of, mustard on it.
Doug Glatt: I think it's a pretty name. Like your face. You got a pretty name and a pretty face.
Eva: Aw, you're very nice to me. [takes drink]
Eva: Fuck it. Doug, I dig hockey players. The shit, the violence, the beer, all of it. I fucking love it.
Doug Glatt: Sad.
Eva: Wanna get out of here?
Doug Glatt: Yes, please.
Eva: Yes, sir. It's a great name. Like the Bible just with a bit more, kind of, mustard on it.
Doug Glatt: I think it's a pretty name. Like your face. You got a pretty name and a pretty face.
Eva: Aw, you're very nice to me. [takes drink]
Eva: Fuck it. Doug, I dig hockey players. The shit, the violence, the beer, all of it. I fucking love it.
Doug Glatt: Sad.
Eva: Wanna get out of here?
Doug Glatt: Yes, please.
Movie: Goon
Doug Glatt: You're so pretty. You're so beautiful. I'm sorry, I keep saying that. I'm sorry.
Eva: It's fine. I think it's cute. Who doesn't like being told they're beautiful? [points at apartment]
Eva: This is me.
Doug Glatt: I like you, though.
Eva: You do, eh?
Doug Glatt: Yes, ma'am.
Eva: Eva likes Doug. Eva likes you.
Doug Glatt: What does Eva think about kissing?
Eva: Which type?
Doug Glatt: French? [kisses Eva]
Eva: Oh fuck.
Doug Glatt: Um. Hey, uh, what do you think about me calling you sometime?
Eva: I don't know whether that's the best idea. This shit.
Doug Glatt: Why don't you give me your number and I promise that I'll never call you.
Eva: Okay.
Eva: It's fine. I think it's cute. Who doesn't like being told they're beautiful? [points at apartment]
Eva: This is me.
Doug Glatt: I like you, though.
Eva: You do, eh?
Doug Glatt: Yes, ma'am.
Eva: Eva likes Doug. Eva likes you.
Doug Glatt: What does Eva think about kissing?
Eva: Which type?
Doug Glatt: French? [kisses Eva]
Eva: Oh fuck.
Doug Glatt: Um. Hey, uh, what do you think about me calling you sometime?
Eva: I don't know whether that's the best idea. This shit.
Doug Glatt: Why don't you give me your number and I promise that I'll never call you.
Eva: Okay.
Movie: Goon
Ronnie Hortense: You feel the fucking energy in this building? Make sure you take that fucking energy onto the ice. Dougie, you're gonna shadow LaFlamme for the entire game. You, Gord, LaFlamme, you're starting. Boys! We're in this fucking thing. Now let's play like we're supposed to be here!
Movie: Goon
Xavier LaFlamme: You don't know shit about hockey you fucking bulimic Don Cherry!
Ryan: You spat in my face!
Doug Glatt: What the hell?
Ryan: He started it!
Doug Glatt: Come on, you're spitting everywhere!
Xavier LaFlamme: Your friend is fucking sick!
Ryan: Oh yeah says the fucking Frenchman. You people live like animals!
Doug Glatt: I hate spit! I hate it!
Xavier LaFlamme: Fuck you!
Ryan: You spat in my face!
Doug Glatt: What the hell?
Ryan: He started it!
Doug Glatt: Come on, you're spitting everywhere!
Xavier LaFlamme: Your friend is fucking sick!
Ryan: Oh yeah says the fucking Frenchman. You people live like animals!
Doug Glatt: I hate spit! I hate it!
Xavier LaFlamme: Fuck you!
Movie: Goon
Ronnie Hortense: It's time to make up for your mistake. Look at the penalty clock. And when I say, you get over there. Stand in front of that box and wait for that ugly bugger.
Doug Glatt: Yes, sir.
Ronnie Hortense: Do exactly what I say!
Doug Glatt: Yes, sir. Of course.
Ronnie Hortense: Exactly what I say. You got it? Nothing else.
Doug Glatt: Yes, sir.
Ronnie Hortense: Do exactly what I say!
Doug Glatt: Yes, sir. Of course.
Ronnie Hortense: Exactly what I say. You got it? Nothing else.
Movie: Goon
Eva: [answers phone]Hello?
Doug Glatt: Eva? Hey! This is Doug Glatt. Your number is so similar to my friend's number. I didn't know which was which, so I didn't wanna call my friend and then bother you. I was just checking. Simply checking the numbers out. Hey listen, I'm at the bar with my team. I think some of your friends are gonna come. I don't know if you wanna, like, you know, join us?
Eva: Actually, I've been trying to cut my drinking down. Trying to be a good girl. Trying.
Doug Glatt: Well you know, uh, maybe you and I could hang out sometime. You know, get coffee?
Eva: Um, sure.
Doug Glatt: Great! I don't drink coffee, but I like Gatorade. And I like power drinks and water.
Eva: Awesome.
Doug Glatt: It doesn't even matter if I'm thirsty or not. If I could just see you.
Eva: That sounds cool.
Doug Glatt: Eva? Hey! This is Doug Glatt. Your number is so similar to my friend's number. I didn't know which was which, so I didn't wanna call my friend and then bother you. I was just checking. Simply checking the numbers out. Hey listen, I'm at the bar with my team. I think some of your friends are gonna come. I don't know if you wanna, like, you know, join us?
Eva: Actually, I've been trying to cut my drinking down. Trying to be a good girl. Trying.
Doug Glatt: Well you know, uh, maybe you and I could hang out sometime. You know, get coffee?
Eva: Um, sure.
Doug Glatt: Great! I don't drink coffee, but I like Gatorade. And I like power drinks and water.
Eva: Awesome.
Doug Glatt: It doesn't even matter if I'm thirsty or not. If I could just see you.
Eva: That sounds cool.
Movie: Goon
Ryan: Ladies and gentlemen, this is only the first period. I predict that this game becomes an absolute ass-raping that only the likes of fucking Ned Beatty or potentially the cast of Oz can comprehend.
Movie: Goon
Rollie Hortense: [to the team about Doug]I don't know what you sweethearts are all laughing at. One in nine last time I checked, so shut the fuck up and let this guy have his shot.
Movie: Goon
Marco: Am I the only one here, you Slavic fucking borscht-blooded, cabbage-headed motherfuckers? Why don't you stop the puck in your vagina, you Russian lesbians?
Movie: Goon