George Carlin - Jammin in New York Quotes
George Carlin: They tell you to locate your nearest emergency exit. I do this immediately! [mimes looking for the exit]
George Carlin: I locate my nearest emergency exit, and then I plan my route. You have to plan your route. It's not always a straight line, is it? Sometimes there's a really big fat **** sitting right in front of you. Well, you know you'll never get over him. I look around for women and children, midgets and dwarves, cripples, war widows, paralyzed veterans, people with broken legs, anybody who looks like they can't move too well; the emotionally disturbed come in VERY handy at a time like this. You might have to go out of your way to find these people, but you'll get out of the plane a lot God damn quicker, believe me. I say, Let's see... I'll go around the fat ****... step on the widow's head... push those children out of the way... knock down the paralyzed midget, and get out of the plane where I can help others. [laughter]
George Carlin: I can be of no help to anyone if I'm lying unconscious in the aisle with some big cocksucker standing on my head. I must get out of the plane, go to a nearby farmhouse, have a Dr. Pepper, and call the police.
George Carlin: I locate my nearest emergency exit, and then I plan my route. You have to plan your route. It's not always a straight line, is it? Sometimes there's a really big fat **** sitting right in front of you. Well, you know you'll never get over him. I look around for women and children, midgets and dwarves, cripples, war widows, paralyzed veterans, people with broken legs, anybody who looks like they can't move too well; the emotionally disturbed come in VERY handy at a time like this. You might have to go out of your way to find these people, but you'll get out of the plane a lot God damn quicker, believe me. I say, Let's see... I'll go around the fat ****... step on the widow's head... push those children out of the way... knock down the paralyzed midget, and get out of the plane where I can help others. [laughter]
George Carlin: I can be of no help to anyone if I'm lying unconscious in the aisle with some big cocksucker standing on my head. I must get out of the plane, go to a nearby farmhouse, have a Dr. Pepper, and call the police.
TV Show: George Carlin - Jammin in New York
George Carlin: As soon as they close the door to the aircraft, that's when they begin the Safety Lecture. I love the safety lecture! This is my favorite part of the airplane ride! I listen very carefully to the safety lecture, especially that part where they teach us how to use the seatbelts! Imagine this: here we are, a plane full of grown human beings... many of us partially educated, and they're actually taking time out to describe the intricate workings of a belt buckle!
TV Show: George Carlin - Jammin in New York