Ellen Quotes

Ellen Morgan: Of course he's guilty.
Paige Clark: But are they going to find him guilty? I met the brother-in-law of the ex-boyfriend of the courtroom stenographer and she says: "no way".
Ellen Morgan: Yeah, well my dry cleaner, and I give him a lot of business so that he's not about to lie to me, his cousin works in the prison laundry and he met the ex-wife of one of his golfing buddies and ex-football teammates who said that he said that he really did it.
Paige Clark: What did he say exactly?
Ellen Morgan: I don't know. "Yep, I did it. I killed her. What more can I say?" Or... something like that.

TV Show: Ellen
Ellen DeGeneres: There are things that must be said! And I'm going to say them! For instance, do we really need a 1-800 number on the back of a shampoo bottle?
Ellen DeGeneres: That's right, I said it!
Ellen DeGeneres: [pretending to be reading the back of a shampoo bottle] Rinse and repeat, but how many times?
Ellen DeGeneres: The thing is, if you need to call the 800 number, you can't read anyway!The only thing more pathetic than someone having to call the 800 number on the back of a shampoo bottle is the person who works at the 800 number!
Ellen DeGeneres: [holding her hand up to her ear as if it's a phone] ... It's about the size of a quarter in the palm of your hand... yeah, and rinse and repeat... You're welcome. That's my job... Buh-bye.
Ellen DeGeneres: [pretends to hang up and immediately pick the phone up again] Shampoo hotline...

TV Show: Ellen
Ellen: [Speaking about the Emmy's] You know, winning is not important. It's about how you feel about yourself. And of course, you're gonna feel a whole lot better about yourself if you win.

TV Show: Ellen
Little Paige: Why would Megan O'Connell do this to me? Why would she put gum in my hair.
Little Ellen: Paige, I need to tell you something. I... [little Ellen hesitates as little Paige looks at her]
Little Paige: Yes?
Little Ellen: Uh... that was really mean for her to put gum in your hair. But it could have been a lot worse, she could have put... uh... hair in your gum. And when you're chewing it and... you feeling something hanging in the back of your throat like a hairball or something and then you'd cough like this... [little Ellen coughs like a gagging sound]

TV Show: Ellen