Deadpool Quotes
Deadpool: I've been traveling to exotic places, Baghdad, Mogadishu, Jacksonville, meeting new and exciting people.
Weasel: And killing them, I know, I saw your Instagram.
Weasel: So what was a special operatives doing in Jacksonville?
Deadpool: That's classified. They have a wonderful TGI Fridays!
Weasel: And killing them, I know, I saw your Instagram.
Weasel: So what was a special operatives doing in Jacksonville?
Deadpool: That's classified. They have a wonderful TGI Fridays!
Movie: Deadpool
Recruiter: Mr. Wilson. Nothing warms my heart more than a change of someone else's. You finally hit fuck it.
Wade Wilson: Just promise you'll do right by me. So I can do right by someone else.
Recruiter: Of course.
Wade Wilson: And please don't make the super-suit green. Or animated.
Wade Wilson: Just promise you'll do right by me. So I can do right by someone else.
Recruiter: Of course.
Wade Wilson: And please don't make the super-suit green. Or animated.
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: [During the final battle]Bob?
Bob: Wade?
Deadpool: Oh, my God. I haven't seen you since...
Bob: Jacksonville.
Deadpool: TGI.
Deadpool ,
Bob: Fridays.
Deadpool: Well, what the hell? [Deadpool helps Bob up]
Deadpool: God. Come here you. [Deadpool knocks Bob out, and then Deadpool starts dragging him]
Deadpool: How are the kids? Good? And Gail? She still fixing that tuna casserole? *So* good. Bad for the waistline, you know what I'm talking about.
Bob: Wade?
Deadpool: Oh, my God. I haven't seen you since...
Bob: Jacksonville.
Deadpool: TGI.
Deadpool ,
Bob: Fridays.
Deadpool: Well, what the hell? [Deadpool helps Bob up]
Deadpool: God. Come here you. [Deadpool knocks Bob out, and then Deadpool starts dragging him]
Deadpool: How are the kids? Good? And Gail? She still fixing that tuna casserole? *So* good. Bad for the waistline, you know what I'm talking about.
Movie: Deadpool
Wade Wilson: Not out of the woods yet. You need to seriously ease up on the bedazzling. They're jeans, not a chandelier. P.S. I'm keeping your wallet. You did kinda give it to me.
Gavin Merchant: Okay, just look, man, can I have my Sam's card?
Wade Wilson: I will shoot your fucking cat!
Gavin Merchant: I don't know what that means. I don't have a cat.
Wade Wilson: Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in?
Gavin Merchant: Okay, just look, man, can I have my Sam's card?
Wade Wilson: I will shoot your fucking cat!
Gavin Merchant: I don't know what that means. I don't have a cat.
Wade Wilson: Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in?
Movie: Deadpool
Dopinder: My romantic rival, Bandhu. He's tied up in the trunk. I'm doing as you said, DP. I plan to gut him like a polluted fish, then dump his carcass on Gita's doorstep.
Deadpool: I did not tell him to do that! Absolutely not! It got lost in translation. Dopinder this is *no* way to win Gita's heart back! [Whisper]
Deadpool: I am so proud of you. [Loudly]
Deadpool: Drop Bandhu off, safe and gentle-like. [Whisper]
Deadpool: Kill him. [Loudly]
Deadpool: And then win Gita back the old-fashioned way with your boyish charm. [Whisper]
Deadpool: Kidnap her.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: [to Colossus]He's super dead.
Deadpool: I did not tell him to do that! Absolutely not! It got lost in translation. Dopinder this is *no* way to win Gita's heart back! [Whisper]
Deadpool: I am so proud of you. [Loudly]
Deadpool: Drop Bandhu off, safe and gentle-like. [Whisper]
Deadpool: Kill him. [Loudly]
Deadpool: And then win Gita back the old-fashioned way with your boyish charm. [Whisper]
Deadpool: Kidnap her.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: [to Colossus]He's super dead.
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: And you, chicken noodle... Nothing compares to you. SinÚad O'Connor, 1990. Sorry
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: That's all right. You're cool.
Deadpool: [Gasps]What in the ass? That was not mean. I'm proud of you!
Colossus: We will make an X-Man of you yet, Wade
Deadpool: For a second there, it felt like we were three minutes-lion robots coming together to form one super robot.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: There's a stupid.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: That's all right. You're cool.
Deadpool: [Gasps]What in the ass? That was not mean. I'm proud of you!
Colossus: We will make an X-Man of you yet, Wade
Deadpool: For a second there, it felt like we were three minutes-lion robots coming together to form one super robot.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: There's a stupid.
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: [walking towards Blind Al's home]She's like Robin to my Batman, except she's old, and black, and blind. And I think she's in love with me. Wait, pretty sure Robin loves Batman, too.
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: Love is a beautiful thing. When you find it, the the whole world taste like Daffodil Daydream. So you gotta hold onto love... tight! And never let go. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Got it?
Dopinder: Yeah.
Deadpool: Or the whole world tastes like Mama Juice after hot yoga.
Dopinder: Sir, what does Miss Mama June taste like?
Deadpool: Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss.
Dopinder: Yeah.
Deadpool: Or the whole world tastes like Mama Juice after hot yoga.
Dopinder: Sir, what does Miss Mama June taste like?
Deadpool: Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss.
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: [upon learning Ajax took Vanessa]I'm gonna need all the guns.
Weasel: Which ones?
Deadpool: ALL OF THEM!
Weasel: Which ones?
Deadpool: ALL OF THEM!
Movie: Deadpool
Blind Al: [as Deadpool washes his clothes]Use seltzer water and lemon juice for blood. Or wear red, dumbass!
Movie: Deadpool
Teen Girl
1: Hey, do you think you can fuck up my stepdad?
Wade Wilson: I give a guy a pavement facial, it's because he's earned it.
Meghan Orlovsky: Hey, wait! You're my hero.
Wade Wilson: No-no-no-no. That I ain't!
1: Hey, do you think you can fuck up my stepdad?
Wade Wilson: I give a guy a pavement facial, it's because he's earned it.
Meghan Orlovsky: Hey, wait! You're my hero.
Wade Wilson: No-no-no-no. That I ain't!
Movie: Deadpool
Wade Wilson: Welcome to Sister Margaret's. It's like a job fair for mercenaries. Think of us as really fucked up tooth fairies except we knock out the teeth and take the cash. You'd best hope we never see your name on a gold card.
Movie: Deadpool
Wade Wilson: Do you happen to know a Meghan Orflowsky - gettin' that right? Orflasky? Orlovsy? - Yeah? Good. 'Cause she knows you. Jeremy, I belong to a group of guys who take a dime to beat a fella down. And little Meghan, she's not made of money, but lucky for her, I got a soft spot.
Jeremy (Pizza Guy): [nervously]I'm, uh...
Wade Wilson: A stalker. [points his knife]
Wade Wilson: Threats hurt, Jer, though not nearly as much as serrated steel. So keep away from Meghan. Cool?
Jeremy (Pizza Guy): Yes... Yes, sir.
Wade Wilson: Then we're done. [puts the knife away]
Jeremy (Pizza Guy): Wait, we... we are?
Wade Wilson: Yeah, totally done! [everyone starts laughing]
Wade Wilson: [to Merchant]You should have seen your face!
Gavin Merchant: I didn't know what to do. I was so scared!
Wade Wilson: Soft spot, remember? [suddenly grabs Jeremy by the neck and throws him up against a wall]
Wade Wilson: You even LOOK in her general direction again, and you'll learn in the worst of ways that I have some hard spots too! [beat]
Wade Wilson: That came out wrong. Or did it? [kisses Jeremy on the cheek]
Jeremy (Pizza Guy): [nervously]I'm, uh...
Wade Wilson: A stalker. [points his knife]
Wade Wilson: Threats hurt, Jer, though not nearly as much as serrated steel. So keep away from Meghan. Cool?
Jeremy (Pizza Guy): Yes... Yes, sir.
Wade Wilson: Then we're done. [puts the knife away]
Jeremy (Pizza Guy): Wait, we... we are?
Wade Wilson: Yeah, totally done! [everyone starts laughing]
Wade Wilson: [to Merchant]You should have seen your face!
Gavin Merchant: I didn't know what to do. I was so scared!
Wade Wilson: Soft spot, remember? [suddenly grabs Jeremy by the neck and throws him up against a wall]
Wade Wilson: You even LOOK in her general direction again, and you'll learn in the worst of ways that I have some hard spots too! [beat]
Wade Wilson: That came out wrong. Or did it? [kisses Jeremy on the cheek]
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: Sure, I may be stuck looking like pepperoni flatbread but at least fuckface won't heal from that.
Movie: Deadpool
Colossus: [to Negasonic]You ate breakfast, yes? Breakfast is most important meal of day. Here, protein bar. Good for bones. Deadpool may try to break yours.
Movie: Deadpool
Dopinder: That's, uh, $27.50.
Deadpool: I... I never carry a wallet when I'm working. Ruins the lines of my suit.
Dopinder: Oh.
Deadpool: But, uh, how about a crisp high five?
Deadpool: I... I never carry a wallet when I'm working. Ruins the lines of my suit.
Dopinder: Oh.
Deadpool: But, uh, how about a crisp high five?
Movie: Deadpool
Wade Wilson: [after receiving his cancer diagnosis]You're clowning. You're not clowning? I sense clowns.
Movie: Deadpool
Ajax: You know the funniest part of this? You still think we're making you a superhero. You. A dishonorable discharge. Hip-deep in hookers. You're nothing. Little secret, Wade. This workshop doesn't make superheroes, we make super-slaves. We're gonna fit you with a control collar and auction you off to the highest bidder. Who know what they'll have you doing? Terrorizing citizens, putting down freedom fighters. Maybe just now the occasional lawn.
Wade Wilson: What the fuck is wrong with you?
Wade Wilson: What the fuck is wrong with you?
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: [on X-Men Wolverine]I've got no problems with Hugh. I mean he's a delightful guy, he really is. True legend. But the movie, that was a career low for me.
Movie: Deadpool
[frustrated with Deadpool after her IKEA furniture collapses] Blind Al: I wish I'd never heard of Craigslist.
Deadpool: And I quote: Looking for roommate. Blind to life's imperfections. Must be good with hands. Or would you rather *I* build furniture and you pay rent?
Deadpool: And I quote: Looking for roommate. Blind to life's imperfections. Must be good with hands. Or would you rather *I* build furniture and you pay rent?
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: [he forgot his guns]Goddammit! I'm gonna do this the old-fashioned way: with two swords, and maximum effort.
Movie: Deadpool
Ajax: You're lovely. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm touched.
David Cunningham: We were just joking.
Ajax: No, no. It's okay. I encourage distractions. Wouldn't want you giving up on us, now would we?
Wade Wilson: Hey, don't take any shit from him, Cunningham. How tough can he be with a name like Francis?
David Cunningham: Francis?
Wade Wilson: That's his legal name. He got Ajax from the dish soap. F, R, A, N, C, I... Oops!
David Cunningham: We were just joking.
Ajax: No, no. It's okay. I encourage distractions. Wouldn't want you giving up on us, now would we?
Wade Wilson: Hey, don't take any shit from him, Cunningham. How tough can he be with a name like Francis?
David Cunningham: Francis?
Wade Wilson: That's his legal name. He got Ajax from the dish soap. F, R, A, N, C, I... Oops!
Movie: Deadpool
Wade Wilson: You bet on me to die? Wow. Motherfucker, you're the world's worst friend. Well, joke's on you. I'm living to 102. And then die. Like the city of Detroit.
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: Okay, let's pro/con this superhero thing. Pro: they pull down a gaggle of ass, local dry cleaning discounts, lucrative film deals, both origin stories and larger ensemble team movies. Con: they're all lame-ass teacher's pets!
Colossus: You know I can hear you?
Deadpool: Wasn't talking to you! I was talking to them! [points at the audience]
Colossus: You know I can hear you?
Deadpool: Wasn't talking to you! I was talking to them! [points at the audience]
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: 41 confirmed kills. Now it's 80. About to be 90.
Recruiter: Mr. Wilson?
Deadpool: Ding-ding.
Recruiter: You're looking very alive.
Deadpool: Ha! Only on the outside!
Recruiter: This is not going to end well for me, is it?
Deadpool: This is not gonna end well for you, no. Where's your boss?
Recruiter: I can tell you exactly...
Deadpool: Oh, you tell me. But first... You might wanna look way for this. Now this little piggy went to... [pushes the camera away and the Recruiter screams]
Recruiter: Mr. Wilson?
Deadpool: Ding-ding.
Recruiter: You're looking very alive.
Deadpool: Ha! Only on the outside!
Recruiter: This is not going to end well for me, is it?
Deadpool: This is not gonna end well for you, no. Where's your boss?
Recruiter: I can tell you exactly...
Deadpool: Oh, you tell me. But first... You might wanna look way for this. Now this little piggy went to... [pushes the camera away and the Recruiter screams]
Movie: Deadpool
Wade Wilson: What if I just held on and never let go?
Vanessa Carlysle: Just ride a bitch's back, like Yoda on Luke.
Wade Wilson: Oh, Star Wars jokes.
Vanessa Carlysle: Empire.
Wade Wilson: Jesus Christ. It's like I made you in a computer.
Vanessa Carlysle: Just ride a bitch's back, like Yoda on Luke.
Wade Wilson: Oh, Star Wars jokes.
Vanessa Carlysle: Empire.
Wade Wilson: Jesus Christ. It's like I made you in a computer.
Movie: Deadpool
Deadpool: Hang in there, baby! I gotcha! I got a plan. You're not gonna like it. [Deadpool throws Vanessa into the oxygen chamber as it rolls down the carrier and stops on the edge of it, Wade holds onto the oxygen chamber]
Vanessa Carlysle: Shit! ShitI Shit!
Deadpool: Don't worry. I'm totally on top of this.
Vanessa Carlysle: Shit! ShitI Shit!
Deadpool: Don't worry. I'm totally on top of this.
Movie: Deadpool
[Ajax, atop a downed helicarrier, sees Deadpool, Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead arriving at junkyard] Ajax: WADE WILSON! What's my name?
Deadpool: [under his breath]Ooooh, I'mma fuckin' spell it out for ya. [later, after battle, has spelled out 'Francis' using bodies of bad guys]
Deadpool: [under his breath]Ooooh, I'mma fuckin' spell it out for ya. [later, after battle, has spelled out 'Francis' using bodies of bad guys]
Movie: Deadpool