Cops Quotes
Angela Parr: Colin, I'm scared.
Colin Devis: Wanna cuddle?
Angela Parr: I'm not *that* scared!
Colin Devis: Wanna cuddle?
Angela Parr: I'm not *that* scared!
TV Show: Cops
Announcer: COPS is filmed on location with the men and women of law enforcement. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty, *in* a court of law!
TV Show: Cops
Axel Foley: [outside the crime scene in front of Axel's apartment building after Mike is killed] Look, I heard a rumor that you're gonna use Rand on this case, and, between the two of us, the guy doesn't know the time of day.
Inspector Douglas Todd: Don't mess with me now, Axel.
Axel Foley: It's the first time he's left his desk in 12 years!
Inspector Douglas Todd: At least he's had 12 years. Anyway, it's a homicide case and it belongs to Rand. Now go to the hospital!
Axel Foley: Well, you don't mind if I ask around a little bit, do you?
Inspector Douglas Todd: Don't do a damn thing! It's Rand's case. Your ass is skating on thin ice as it is!
Axel Foley: Hey, look, we're talking about a friend of mine, here!
Inspector Douglas Todd: Yes, we are, aren't we! Now, let's take a close look at that. One, a hoodlum friend. Two, a professional hit. Three, in a cop's apartment. This whole thing stinks to high heaven!
Axel Foley: How do you know it was a professional hit?
Inspector Douglas Todd: I didn't just walk into this town from the cotton fields! Whoever killed your friend wasn't worried about your little narrow ass. If they were, you'd be lyin' beside him in that meat wagon. Just don't do a damn thing. Stay out of this!
Axel Foley: Well, look. I got some vacation time comin' to me. I wanna take my vacation now.
Inspector Douglas Todd: Stay away from this case, Axel.
Axel Foley: No, it's just that I feel I need a little vacation, that's all.
Inspector Douglas Todd:
Inspector Douglas Todd: Don't mess with me now, Axel.
Axel Foley: It's the first time he's left his desk in 12 years!
Inspector Douglas Todd: At least he's had 12 years. Anyway, it's a homicide case and it belongs to Rand. Now go to the hospital!
Axel Foley: Well, you don't mind if I ask around a little bit, do you?
Inspector Douglas Todd: Don't do a damn thing! It's Rand's case. Your ass is skating on thin ice as it is!
Axel Foley: Hey, look, we're talking about a friend of mine, here!
Inspector Douglas Todd: Yes, we are, aren't we! Now, let's take a close look at that. One, a hoodlum friend. Two, a professional hit. Three, in a cop's apartment. This whole thing stinks to high heaven!
Axel Foley: How do you know it was a professional hit?
Inspector Douglas Todd: I didn't just walk into this town from the cotton fields! Whoever killed your friend wasn't worried about your little narrow ass. If they were, you'd be lyin' beside him in that meat wagon. Just don't do a damn thing. Stay out of this!
Axel Foley: Well, look. I got some vacation time comin' to me. I wanna take my vacation now.
Inspector Douglas Todd: Stay away from this case, Axel.
Axel Foley: No, it's just that I feel I need a little vacation, that's all.
Inspector Douglas Todd:
TV Show: Cops
Axel Foley: Don't you think I realize what's going on here, miss? Who do you think I am, huh? Don't you think I know that if I was some hotshot from out of town that pulled inside here and you guys made a reservation mistake, I'd be the first one to get a room and I'd be upstairs relaxing right now. But I'm not some hotshot from out of town, I'm a small reporter from Rolling Stone magazine that's in town to do an exclusive interview with Michael Jackson that's gonna be picked up by every major magazine in the country. I was gonna call the article Michael Jackson Is Sitting On Top of the World, but now I think I might as well just call it Michael Jackson Can Sit On Top of the World Just As Long As He Doesn't Sit in the Beverly Palm Hotel 'Cause There's No Niggers Allowed in There!
TV Show: Cops
Cigarette Buyer: You know if you wanna be a ****in asshole, you can take the whole load and smoke 'em yourself!
Axel Foley: I don't smoke Lucky Strikes man, I smoke King-Sized Kents!
Axel Foley: I don't smoke Lucky Strikes man, I smoke King-Sized Kents!
TV Show: Cops
Commissioner Pike: Lieutenant, I've been going over your report. Seems you automatically assume it was a police officer instead of some lunatic son-of-a-***** dressed up like a cop.
TV Show: Cops
Commissioner Pike: Lieutenant, I've been going over your report. Seems you automatically assume it was a police officer instead of some lunatic son-of-a-bitch dressed up like a cop.
TV Show: Cops
Cop #1: According to psychiatric records, Henley - Vickers - came from a broken home, abused child. Police were always being called in to break up fights. State finally got custody of him during his formative years. It was then that Henley came to believe God was on his side and would always take care of him. Then when the state kicked him out on the street, Henley came to believe that God had deserted him. And that's when he turned to Satan.
TV Show: Cops
David Greenberg: Sir? Hantz and me we made all kinds of collars on our own time and all we got so far is called crooks and treated like we got leprosy. A polite question is what the **** kind of police force is this?
Captain Bush: It is a big organization, that's what kind. Like General Motors. Like the Army. It has its own system of doing things. It may be lunatic. Who knows, who cares. But if you are bucking that system your are in TROUBLE!
Robert Hantz: Even if we aim to improve it?
Captain Bush: HmmmBoy... You belong in the New York Police Department like I can walk on water. Get back on traffic. That's all. I've had it with you guys, probation is over and have I got a garden spot for you.
Captain Bush: It is a big organization, that's what kind. Like General Motors. Like the Army. It has its own system of doing things. It may be lunatic. Who knows, who cares. But if you are bucking that system your are in TROUBLE!
Robert Hantz: Even if we aim to improve it?
Captain Bush: HmmmBoy... You belong in the New York Police Department like I can walk on water. Get back on traffic. That's all. I've had it with you guys, probation is over and have I got a garden spot for you.
TV Show: Cops
Desk sergeant: They don't make cops like him anymore. He was one of a kind.
Frank McCrae: He still is.
Frank McCrae: He still is.
TV Show: Cops
Det. Sgt. Christopher Kelvaney: I know who you are and what league you played in... you were Frankie Nemo's girl weren't you?
Karen Stephanson: Yes.
Det. Sgt. Christopher Kelvaney: [Sarcastically] Yass, yass... that all you have to say? Where's the cute story? Didn't he hold a mortgage on the old plantation... Wasn't he threatening the virtue of your little sister... That kind of routine? I go for cute stories.
Karen Stephanson: Yes.
Det. Sgt. Christopher Kelvaney: [Sarcastically] Yass, yass... that all you have to say? Where's the cute story? Didn't he hold a mortgage on the old plantation... Wasn't he threatening the virtue of your little sister... That kind of routine? I go for cute stories.
TV Show: Cops
Detective John Kimble: No more complaining. No more Mr. Kimble, I have to go the bathroom. Nothing!
[shouts]
Detective John Kimble: There *is* no bathroom!
[shouts]
Detective John Kimble: There *is* no bathroom!
TV Show: Cops
Detective Rosewood: Police! You're all under arrest!
[Armed thugs answer with a long hail of machine gun fire]
Sergeant Taggart: You do that again, I'll shoot you myself!
[Armed thugs answer with a long hail of machine gun fire]
Sergeant Taggart: You do that again, I'll shoot you myself!
TV Show: Cops
Detective Rosewood: Wow. You know, it says here that by the time the average American is fifty, he has five pounds of undigested red meat in his bowels.
Sergeant Taggart: Why are you telling me this? What makes you think I have any interest in that at all?
Detective Rosewood: Well, you eat a lot of red meat.
Sergeant Taggart: Why are you telling me this? What makes you think I have any interest in that at all?
Detective Rosewood: Well, you eat a lot of red meat.
TV Show: Cops
Detective Rosewood: You know what I keep thinking about? You know the end of Butch Cassidy? Redford and Newman are almost out of ammunition, and the whole Bolivian army is out- out in front of this little hut?
Sergeant Taggart: Billy, I'm gonna make you pay for this.
Sergeant Taggart: Billy, I'm gonna make you pay for this.
TV Show: Cops
Emma: [during Who is Your Daddy game] My daddy works on a computer all day, and is the head of his company and he, um, he has a moustache and a beard, and he-he doesn't have a lot of hair, and cuz-um, since his head is so big, he can't wear any hats.
TV Show: Cops
Figgs: Look Freddy, I say it's okay to be jealous. You save this girl's life, right? From it, from risking yourself, from saving her sorry ass, you go deaf as a result.
Sheriff Freddy Heflin: In one ear.
Figgs: In one ear. Then you have to watch this girl you saved, this beauty queen, marries this cocksucker.
Sheriff Freddy Heflin: In one ear.
Figgs: In one ear. Then you have to watch this girl you saved, this beauty queen, marries this cocksucker.
TV Show: Cops
Harold Lutz: Who the hell are you?
Axel Foley: My... name... is... Johnny Wishbone. I am a psychic. Yes, my name is Johnny Wishbone and I am a psychic from the Isle of St. Croix. I read in the St. Croix Gazette that the Beverley Hills Police Department was having trouble solving crimes. So I came to help you out, because I am a psychic extraordinaire. But they told me you don't need help, so I will go home. Yes, my name is Johnny Wishbone and I am a psychic from the Isle of St. Croix. You, I don't know you. You are... MMMMmmmmmmmmmmMMM AAAhhhhhh LUTZ! Chief LUTZ! And you are... MMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm... AAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Biddle: Biddle?
Axel Foley: BIDDLE! Yes, Biddle I was about to say that, but you beat me to it. I don't need any help because I am Johnny Wishbone psychic extraordinaire. Just think Johnny Wishbone and I will come. Lutz and Biddle, like Kibble n' Bits, but different.
Axel Foley: My... name... is... Johnny Wishbone. I am a psychic. Yes, my name is Johnny Wishbone and I am a psychic from the Isle of St. Croix. I read in the St. Croix Gazette that the Beverley Hills Police Department was having trouble solving crimes. So I came to help you out, because I am a psychic extraordinaire. But they told me you don't need help, so I will go home. Yes, my name is Johnny Wishbone and I am a psychic from the Isle of St. Croix. You, I don't know you. You are... MMMMmmmmmmmmmmMMM AAAhhhhhh LUTZ! Chief LUTZ! And you are... MMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm... AAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Biddle: Biddle?
Axel Foley: BIDDLE! Yes, Biddle I was about to say that, but you beat me to it. I don't need any help because I am Johnny Wishbone psychic extraordinaire. Just think Johnny Wishbone and I will come. Lutz and Biddle, like Kibble n' Bits, but different.
TV Show: Cops
Joey Randone: What the ****, Ray? You said PDA was gonna set this guy up, with a new life and everything.
Ray Donlan: You think I'm all that, huh, Joey?
Ray Donlan: You think I'm all that, huh, Joey?
TV Show: Cops
Joseph: Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina!
Phoebe: [to Kimble] I see you taught them the basics.
Phoebe: [to Kimble] I see you taught them the basics.
TV Show: Cops
Joseph: Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina!
Phoebe: [to Kimble] Well, you taught them the basics, that's important.
Phoebe: [to Kimble] Well, you taught them the basics, that's important.
TV Show: Cops
Liz Randone: Why is it that you never got married Freddy?
Freddy Heflin: All the best girls were taken.
Freddy Heflin: All the best girls were taken.
TV Show: Cops
Low Life #1: So who are you, man?
[Kimble racks his shot-gun]
Low Life #1: ****!
[he scrambles out of the way just before Kimble blasts the couch apart]
Detective John Kimble: I'm the party pooper.
[Kimble racks his shot-gun]
Low Life #1: ****!
[he scrambles out of the way just before Kimble blasts the couch apart]
Detective John Kimble: I'm the party pooper.
TV Show: Cops
Lt. Jake Stone: You arrested a waiter?
Norman Robberson: Jake, he was rude.
Lt. Jake Stone: Norman, you can't arrest people for being rude. If you could, all of New York City would be on Death Row.
Norman Robberson: Jake, he was rude.
Lt. Jake Stone: Norman, you can't arrest people for being rude. If you could, all of New York City would be on Death Row.
TV Show: Cops
Moe Tilden: See sheriff, I got a sticky problem. My jurisdiction ends, in a sense, at the George Washington Bridge. But half the men I watch live beyond that bridge, where no one's watching.
Sheriff Freddy Heflin: I'm watching.
Sheriff Freddy Heflin: I'm watching.
TV Show: Cops