Erma Bombeck Quotes
Erma Bombeck Quotes. Below is a collection of famous Erma Bombeck quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by Erma Bombeck. Share these quotations with your friends and family.
Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, No, thank you, to dessert that night. And for what!
By Erma Bombeck
What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
By Erma Bombeck
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
By Erma Bombeck
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me..
By Erma Bombeck
If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.
By Erma Bombeck
Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
By Erma Bombeck
When God was creating fathers, He started with a tall frame. An angel nearby said, What kind of father is that? If you
By Erma Bombeck
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
By Erma Bombeck
There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
By Erma Bombeck
It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
By Erma Bombeck
'In Saudi Arabia, a motorist accidentally killed a monkey on a highway in the Khamis Messeit region. Later, while driving home on the same road, he found monkeys still gathered around the dead animal's body. The mourners spotted his car, jumped on it, and smashed his windows!'
By Erma Bombeck
When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
By Erma Bombeck
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, I used everything you gave me.
By Erma Bombeck
We've got a generation now who were born with semiequality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache' cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.
By Erma Bombeck
There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, 'Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams.' Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there. These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, 'How good or how bad am I' That's where courage comes in.
By Erma Bombeck
People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
By Erma Bombeck
Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
By Erma Bombeck
Never strike a child in anger. When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he is recuperating from the measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday.
By Erma Bombeck
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
By Erma Bombeck
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
By Erma Bombeck
It is fast approaching the point where I don't want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the job.
By Erma Bombeck
In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
By Erma Bombeck