Erma Bombeck Quotes

Erma Bombeck Quotes. Below is a collection of famous Erma Bombeck quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by Erma Bombeck. Share these quotations with your friends and family.

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

By Erma Bombeck

If I had my life to live over I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

By Erma Bombeck

If I had my life to live over I would have talked less and listened more.

By Erma Bombeck

If I had my life to live over I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

By Erma Bombeck

If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

By Erma Bombeck

If I had my life to live over I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.

By Erma Bombeck

If I had my life to live over I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

By Erma Bombeck

If I had my life to live over I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

By Erma Bombeck

If I had my life to live over I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

By Erma Bombeck

If I had my life to live over I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

By Erma Bombeck

If a man watches three football games in a row he should be declared legally dead.

By Erma Bombeck

I told you I was sick.

By Erma Bombeck

I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.

By Erma Bombeck

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

By Erma Bombeck

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food.

By Erma Bombeck

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.

By Erma Bombeck

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

By Erma Bombeck

A child develops individuality long before he develops taste. I have seen my kid straggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory an empty gin bottle.

By Erma Bombeck

... it's simply wrong to always order kids to stop that fighting. There are times when one child is simply defending his rights and damned well should be fighting.

By Erma Bombeck

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

By Erma Bombeck

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

By Erma Bombeck

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

By Erma Bombeck

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

By Erma Bombeck

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you?

By Erma Bombeck