Dave Barry Quotes

Dave Barry Quotes. Below is a collection of famous Dave Barry quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by Dave Barry. Share these quotations with your friends and family.

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

By Dave Barry
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

By Dave Barry
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

By Dave Barry
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

By Dave Barry
Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions. Technology

By Dave Barry
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. Technology

By Dave Barry
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. Sports

By Dave Barry
The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they'd never clean anything.

By Dave Barry
For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. Golf

By Dave Barry
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. Funny

By Dave Barry
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. Funny

By Dave Barry
Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.

By Dave Barry
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer. Computers

By Dave Barry
Hard Drive: The part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.

By Dave Barry
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.

By Dave Barry
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!

By Dave Barry
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

By Dave Barry
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.

By Dave Barry
You should do your own car repairs. It's an easy way to save money and possibly maim yourself for life

By Dave Barry
You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, My God, you're RIGHT I NEVER would've thought of that'

By Dave Barry
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza

By Dave Barry
What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.

By Dave Barry
What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth ? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.

By Dave Barry
What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad

By Dave Barry
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death

By Dave Barry
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

By Dave Barry
We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail

By Dave Barry
We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

By Dave Barry
We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.

By Dave Barry
We humans do not need to leave Earth to get to a hostile, deadly, alien environment; we already have Miami

By Dave Barry