Ambrose Bierce Quotes. Below is a collection of famous Ambrose Bierce quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by Ambrose Bierce. Share these quotations with your friends and family.

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"Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Marriage. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"A man is known by the company he organizes."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it becomes to replace them. It's one of the curses of London."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Doubt is the father of invention."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"When you doubt, abstain."

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"Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends."

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"A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another."

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"Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion."

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"Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Admiration. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves"

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"Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves."

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"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher"

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"Alien - an American sovereign in his probationary state."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left."

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"Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish."

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"An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me."

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"Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery."

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"Ardor, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue."

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"Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having."

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"Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having."

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"Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk."

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"Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think."

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"Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen."

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"Brain an apparatus with which we think we think."

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"Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others."

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"Calamities are of two kinds misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others."

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"Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head."

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"Cabbage A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head."

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"Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age."

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"Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum"

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"Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead."

by Ambrose Bierce

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"Confidante: One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C."

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"Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due."

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"Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness."

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"Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon."

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"Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country."

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"Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs."

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"Dawn: When men of reason go to bed."

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"Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be."

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"Curiosity, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul."

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"Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on."

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"Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver."

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"Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate."

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"Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate"

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"Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure."

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"Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries."

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"Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship."

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"Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth."

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"Doubt begins only at the last frontiers of what is possible."

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"Duty - that which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire."

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"Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm."

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"Edible - good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm."

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"Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white."

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"Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me."

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"Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen."

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"Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead."

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"Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull."

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"Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience."

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"Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age."

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"Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced."

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"Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel."

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"Faith Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel."

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"Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable."

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"Faith, noun. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel."

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"Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed."

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"Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience."

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"Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth."

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"Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense."

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"Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own."

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"Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured."

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"Genius - to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things."

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"Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another."

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"Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward."

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"Historian - a broad-gauge gossip."

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"I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats."

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"Impartial - unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy."

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