The Matchbreaker Quotes
Ethan Cooper: [describing his job]I take dysfunctional systems and I disassemble them for diagnosis.
Movie: The Matchbreaker
Veronica: Jump in after me, Ethan!
Ethan Cooper: Really?
Veronica: Prove to me your love!
Ethan Cooper: Eh... I would normally, but... it's cold.
Ethan Cooper: Really?
Veronica: Prove to me your love!
Ethan Cooper: Eh... I would normally, but... it's cold.
Movie: The Matchbreaker
Ethan Cooper: [to Sam]Aw, come on, man. The laundry basket is less than ten feet away. [to the dog by pointing at the socks]
Ethan Cooper: Beast!
Sam: You taught him how to do laundry?
Ethan Cooper: Apparently not.
Ethan Cooper: Beast!
Sam: You taught him how to do laundry?
Ethan Cooper: Apparently not.
Movie: The Matchbreaker
Sam: So, she's a little messy. You're a perfect match. You don't pay the electric bills, you'll never see the mess.
Movie: The Matchbreaker
[First lines] Sam: Why'd you breakup with her?
Ethan Cooper: Seven reasons actually. Number one, she doesn't vote.
Sam: Eh!
Ethan Cooper: Shh! Number two, she cheered for Bulgaria in the last Olympics.
Sam: Bulgarians don't even cheer for Bulgaria.
Ethan Cooper: Okay, so it was one Bulgarian and he was missing an arm.
Sam: The rest of the time she cheered for America?
Ethan Cooper: Yes.
Sam: Okay, that one's a stretch too. Look, why don't you just forget your seven reasons and admit that you only need one to talk yourself out of any girl.
Ethan Cooper: What's that?
Sam: That she's not Emily.
Ethan Cooper: Seven reasons actually. Number one, she doesn't vote.
Sam: Eh!
Ethan Cooper: Shh! Number two, she cheered for Bulgaria in the last Olympics.
Sam: Bulgarians don't even cheer for Bulgaria.
Ethan Cooper: Okay, so it was one Bulgarian and he was missing an arm.
Sam: The rest of the time she cheered for America?
Ethan Cooper: Yes.
Sam: Okay, that one's a stretch too. Look, why don't you just forget your seven reasons and admit that you only need one to talk yourself out of any girl.
Ethan Cooper: What's that?
Sam: That she's not Emily.
Movie: The Matchbreaker
Sam: You know, as someone who hasn't been in a relationship for a while, I think you have to move past the weird thing. Was she breathing?
Movie: The Matchbreaker
[Last lines] Ethan Cooper: It's time to top off the night with some Team Jacob.
Emily Atkins: Edward. Team Edward.
Emily Atkins: Edward. Team Edward.
Movie: The Matchbreaker
Principal: This year's Humanitarian Award for her work with homeless homing pigeons and reprogramming the left-handed, Emily Atkins.
Movie: The Matchbreaker
Ethan Cooper: I was in awe of her, never dreaming that on June 4th, 2004, at 3: 26 PM, she would take my heart, throw it in a backpack, toss it in a van, and drive away with it.
Sam: You poor thing.
Ethan Cooper: I was devastated.
Sam: You poor thing.
Ethan Cooper: I was devastated.
Movie: The Matchbreaker
Ethan Cooper: Once you've been in the presence of perfection, it's hard to settle for anything less.
Movie: The Matchbreaker
Ethan Cooper: Have I ever steered you wrong before?
Lexy Cooper: Pet coyote incident of 2003 comes to mind.
Ethan Cooper: Fond memories.
Lexy Cooper: Yeah, rabies shots are memorable.
Lexy Cooper: Pet coyote incident of 2003 comes to mind.
Ethan Cooper: Fond memories.
Lexy Cooper: Yeah, rabies shots are memorable.
Movie: The Matchbreaker
Mrs. Taylor: In fact, they told me that you've saved Lexy from a few disasters.
Ethan Cooper: She listens to me.
Mrs. Taylor: Why?
Ethan Cooper: She trusts me, and I'm just good at spotting incompatibilities. Why the twenty questions?
Mrs. Taylor: [whispering]Could you do that for me?
Ethan Cooper: Excuse me?
Ethan Cooper: She listens to me.
Mrs. Taylor: Why?
Ethan Cooper: She trusts me, and I'm just good at spotting incompatibilities. Why the twenty questions?
Mrs. Taylor: [whispering]Could you do that for me?
Ethan Cooper: Excuse me?
Movie: The Matchbreaker
Mrs. Taylor: The flying monkey has landed, minus the munchkin-eared albatross.
Movie: The Matchbreaker
Sam: You're the expert. There's got to be a chip in that high gloss, heavy duty, premium quality paint.
Movie: The Matchbreaker
Donna: Wayne, did you ask around? [Wayne squints, not understanding]
Donna: To see if there are any girls who would like to dance with Mitchell?
Wayne: [kindly]That sounds like Mitchell's job, honey.
Donna: [covering Mitchell's ears]Do you really want to leave Mitchell's future in the hands of Mitchell?
Wayne: Course not.
Donna: Don't you want him out of the house?
Wayne: More than anything.
Mitchell: I can hear you! And I would like to pick my own girls.
Donna: Fine. Who do you pick?
Mitchell: [looking about]None of 'em.
Donna: Why?
Mitchell: They're all snooty.
Donna: They are... refined... like sugar.
Mitchell: But you won't let me HAVE sugar.
Donna: Well, tonight you are off your diet... figuratively.
Donna: To see if there are any girls who would like to dance with Mitchell?
Wayne: [kindly]That sounds like Mitchell's job, honey.
Donna: [covering Mitchell's ears]Do you really want to leave Mitchell's future in the hands of Mitchell?
Wayne: Course not.
Donna: Don't you want him out of the house?
Wayne: More than anything.
Mitchell: I can hear you! And I would like to pick my own girls.
Donna: Fine. Who do you pick?
Mitchell: [looking about]None of 'em.
Donna: Why?
Mitchell: They're all snooty.
Donna: They are... refined... like sugar.
Mitchell: But you won't let me HAVE sugar.
Donna: Well, tonight you are off your diet... figuratively.
Movie: The Matchbreaker
Mitchell: [alarmed]My iguana does not like you touching his sweater vest.
Ethan Cooper: My bad.
Ethan Cooper: My bad.
Movie: The Matchbreaker