The Divorcee Quotes

Don: A man should be willing to lay down more tha one wife for his country.

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Jerry Bernard Martin: Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Meredith?

Helen Baldwin: Just a floating grass widow.

Don: Floats them and gets them.

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Theodore 'Ted' Martin: Who's the man?

Jerry Bernard Martin: Oh, Ted, don't be conventional!

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Don: You're a fascinating wench, Jerry!

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Ivan: Tell me the truth.

Jerry Bernard Martin: The truth?
[laughs]

Jerry Bernard Martin: The last thing any man wants to hear from any woman!

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Jerry Bernard Martin: Gee whiz, but I'm glad to see you. Say, I've missed you like the dickens, Helen!

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Jerry Bernard Martin: What am I going to be doing while you're saving your first million?

Theodore 'Ted' Martin: Waiting for me.

Jerry Bernard Martin: [Giggles] Waiting isn't my idea of the king of indoor sports. I've no intention of waiting around for three or four years while you harvest an additional crop of wild oats.

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Theodore 'Ted' Martin: I'd like to make love to you till you scream for help.

Jerry Bernard Martin: [Putting her hands around her throat to pantomine stifling a scream] Can't scream.

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Aunt Hortense: Be feminine and sweet. If you can blend the two.

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Aunt Hortense: You know, you're beginning to fascinate me, and I resent that in any man.

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Egbert Fitzgerald: And now, Tonetti, remember: I want delicacy, tact, assurance, finesse.

Tonetti: I've brought everything.

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Egbert Fitzgerald: Guy, you're not pining for that girl!

Guy Holden: Pining? Men don't pine. Girls pine. Men just... suffer.

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Egbert Fitzgerald: Guy, you're not pining for that girl!
Guy Holden: Pining? Men don't pine. Girls pine. Men just... suffer.

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Egbert Fitzgerald: Your life, Mr. Tonetti, must be full of excitement.

Tonetti: Full of excitement, and full of danger.

Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh, yes, of course... from the husbands.

Tonetti: No, from the ladies.

Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh, how interesting!

Tonetti: But, Tonetti, he know what to do. Yes, sometimes, the lady and I have the conversation... somtimes, I play the concertina... sometimes, I play the solitaire... but, mostly, I practice my singing. At home, my wife, he do not like me to sing.

Egbert Fitzgerald: Unquestionably a woman of great perspicacity.

Tonetti: Oh, si, si, signor, you bet!

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Guy Holden: Can I offer you anything? Frosted chocolate? Cointreau? Benedictine? Marriage?

Mimi Glossop: What was that last one?

Guy Holden: Benedictine?

Mimi Glossop: No, the one after that.

Guy Holden: Oh, marriage?

Mimi Glossop: Do you always propose marriage as casually as that?

Guy Holden: There is nothing casual about it. In fact, I've given it long and sincere thought.

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Guy Holden: You think I'm going to leave you alone with a strange Italian? He might be a tenor!

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Jerry Bernard Martin: [slipping on a diamond ring] Oh, I couldn't think of accepting such a valuable gift!

Offscreen man: But, my dear, my feeling for you is purely platonic.

Jerry Bernard Martin: Really? I've heard of platonic love, but I didn't know there was such a thing as platonic jewellery.

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Jerry Bernard Martin: [to Ted] So look for me in the future where the primroses grow and pack your man's pride with the rest. From now on, you're the only man in the world that my door is closed to.

Movie: The Divorcee
Jerry Bernard Martin: [slipping on a diamond ring] Oh, I couldn't think of accepting such a valuable gift!

Offscreen man: But, my dear, my feeling for you is purely platonic.

Jerry Bernard Martin: Really? I've heard of platonic love, but I didn't know there was such a thing as platonic jewellery.

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Jerry Bernard Martin: All men are fair game from now on!

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Mimi Glossop: I hope you like what I ordered. I've never had breakfast with two men before.

Guy Holden: I've tried it. It's no fun.

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Mimi Glossop: I hope you like what I ordered. I've never had breakfast with two men before.

Guy Holden: I've tried it. It's no fun.

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Tonetti: [unable to remember his passphrase Chance is a fool's name for fate, Tonettie repeatedly muffs it] Chance is the foolish name for fate. / Give me a name for chance and I am a fool. / Fate is a foolish thing to take chances with. / I am a fate to take foolish chances with. / Chances are that fate is foolish. / Fate is the foolish thing. Take a chance.

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Tonetti: Rodolfo Tonetti at your service.

Egbert Fitzgerald: Yes... well, I am Mr. Fitzgerald.

Tonetti: Mr. Fitzgerald?
[shaking hands]

Tonetti: Oh, I'm delightful!

Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh, I shouldn't doubt it, old man, I shouldn't doubt it. But, don't you think that a corespondent ought to come to work quieter? Let's have more repose and less Rigoletto.

Tonetti: Ha, I am ready for action, and I will do a first-class job.

Egbert Fitzgerald: Well, don't be too determined about it. Remember, the lady in question is very sensitive, and you must treat her accordingly.

Tonetti: Bene, whichever way the wind she is blowing, that is the way I sail.

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Waiter: Pardon, you, you uh rang sir?

Egbert Fitzgerald: Who me? Well, my dear fellow, what is there here to ring with?

Waiter: Pardon sir, that's just a figure of speech.

Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh, oh. Uhuh. Well, bring me a... let me have a... eh, there there. You see? Your figure of speech has made me forget entirely what I wanted.

Waiter: Could it have been that you require crumpets?

Egbert Fitzgerald: No no no, I never ring for crumpets.

Waiter: Would you be the kind of man who would ring for a toasted scone, sir?

Egbert Fitzgerald: Scone? Well, now uh, no. no. Try me again.

Waiter: Well, then could you, could you imagine yourself with a hankering for a nice gooseberry tart?

Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh what an acid thought. Please.

Waiter: No crumpets. No scones. No gooseberry tart. Well that lands both of us in a cul-de-sac doesn't it, sir?

Egbert Fitzgerald: Of course it does. I knew it would.

Waiter: You know I hate to leave you like this. You torn with doubts and me with my duty undischarged.

Egbert Fitzgerald: Oh well cheer up old man, cheer up. It will come to me.

Waiter: Was it animal or vegetable sir?

Egbert Fitzgerald: No.

Waiter: Well that leaves us mineral doesn't it sir. Now sir, was it a bit of half and half, a noggin of ale, a pipkin of porter, a stoop of stout, or a beaker of beer?

Egbert Fitzgerald:

Movie: The Divorcee