Stretch Quotes
David Hasselhoff: Has anyone ever referred to you as a punk ass mother fucker?
Stretch: Uh, not to my recollection.
David Hasselhoff: You are a punk ass mother fucker.
David Hasselhoff: Who's an hour late and at my age when you find yourself making the most of even the smallest moments, the idea that you would swindle out of an entire hour, that you would have the balls to vaporize 60 minutes of my waking life is contemptible, it's criminal.
Stretch: I'm um really sorry.
David Hasselhoff: Come on son, if you're going to patronize me, at least put your fucking back into it, you don't have any respect for the HOFF. Am I right? You think I never held a knife? That I'm unfamiliar with the taste of blood? That I took a shitty sub par show about lifeguards and turned it into the highest rated syndicated hit in television history because I got fucking lucky?
David Hasselhoff: I once forcibly sodomize a Vietcong colonel with a stick grenade because he placed an ancestral curse on me while I was interrogating him and I don't even believe in ancestral curses but that's how fucking deep I roll.
Stretch: Uh, not to my recollection.
David Hasselhoff: You are a punk ass mother fucker.
David Hasselhoff: Who's an hour late and at my age when you find yourself making the most of even the smallest moments, the idea that you would swindle out of an entire hour, that you would have the balls to vaporize 60 minutes of my waking life is contemptible, it's criminal.
Stretch: I'm um really sorry.
David Hasselhoff: Come on son, if you're going to patronize me, at least put your fucking back into it, you don't have any respect for the HOFF. Am I right? You think I never held a knife? That I'm unfamiliar with the taste of blood? That I took a shitty sub par show about lifeguards and turned it into the highest rated syndicated hit in television history because I got fucking lucky?
David Hasselhoff: I once forcibly sodomize a Vietcong colonel with a stick grenade because he placed an ancestral curse on me while I was interrogating him and I don't even believe in ancestral curses but that's how fucking deep I roll.
Movie: Stretch
Stretch: I have a gambling addiction.
Roger Karos: That just means you lost more than you won.
Roger Karos: That just means you lost more than you won.
Movie: Stretch
Stretch: [surrounded by henchmen]I see a lot of eyeballs. You better put 'em on a fuckin' dimmer, before I put cases ON ALL YOU BITCHES! [edging out]
Stretch: Make a lane... Make a lane.
Stretch: Make a lane... Make a lane.
Movie: Stretch
[first lines] Stretch: [narrating]If you like stories about chance and coincidence and fate, then here's one you'd never heard. Boy meets girl. Girl almost kills boy by running a red light at rush hour. Boy is T-boned at over 60 miles an hour.
Other Driver: God, are you alright?
Stretch: Uh huh.
Stretch: [narrating]And survives with barely a scratch.
Other Driver: Are you drunk?
Stretch: Not any more.
Other Driver: God, are you alright?
Stretch: Uh huh.
Stretch: [narrating]And survives with barely a scratch.
Other Driver: Are you drunk?
Stretch: Not any more.
Movie: Stretch
Stretch: Hey, can I ask you, what do you get out of punching yourself in the face?
Roger Karos: [sitting up bloody mouthed]Clarity. The comfort in knowing I can take that punch.
Roger Karos: [sitting up bloody mouthed]Clarity. The comfort in knowing I can take that punch.
Movie: Stretch
[last lines] Stretch: [narrating]If you like stories about chance and coincidence and fate, then here's one you've never heard. Boy meets girl. Girl is the one he's been looking for his entire life. [they kiss]
Charlie: Yes, indeed.
Charlie: Yes, indeed.
Movie: Stretch
Roger Karos: The truth is you were always gonna get fucked, pal, because you're a beta male. And I grind guys like you down to make my bread.
Movie: Stretch
Stretch: Narrating: If Karl with a K represented The Light of the limo industry, then its Black Hole - its darkest dungeon - came in the form of a nameless, ageless, Eastern European immigrant known simply as The Jovi. He lorded over his company Cossack with an iron fist and a white-maned metal hair band wig that looked like Dog the Bounty Hunter had been dropped into a deep fryer.
Movie: Stretch