Sgt. Bilko Quotes

Assistant Casino Manager: Ah, Mister Bilko, you seem to be having quite a run. Is there anything we can do for you?
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: Yes, go down to your vault and tell the rest of your money to be patient, we'll be together soon.

Movie: Sgt. Bilko
Bilko: [sung while jogging with his troops] I can Barely move my legs! / Do me a favor and kill me now! / Something, Something rhymes with "legs"! / My life is over anyhow!

Movie: Sgt. Bilko
Major Ebersole: Well, theoretically, and I wouldn't bet the farm, the cannon will lift off an hover several inches above the pond.
Colonel Hall: Excellent.
Major Ebersole: Yeah, and then it will engage the targets, the cannon, boom. The ammunition dump, kaboom, the truck boom.
Colonel Hall: Excellent. Uh, one thought. Maybe it should be boom, boom, *then* kaboom. You know, sort of a hooah grand finale, what do you think major?
Major Ebersole: [Stunned silence] I'll make a note of it, sir.

Movie: Sgt. Bilko
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: Finally I got a break, they held the division boxing championship at our post. It was a toss-up. Now, to me, that's just sloppy. I like a sporting event in which I know the outcome before-hand, its more organized. I find one of the young pugilists and for a 50-50 split of all the winnings, he agrees to give less than a supreme effort in the squared circle.
Sgt. Raquel Barbella: You paid him to take a dive.
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: of course. I had this corporal working for me, Leo Kletz. The night of the fight I give him the money to pay-off my fighter. Leo misunderstands and gives the money to the other fighter. This fighter is a little surprised but figures what the heck, its a good price, I'll go down. Meanwhile my guy figures oh, Bilko must have meant I get the money after I take the dive, no problem I'll go down anyway.
Pvt. Duane Doberman: So both fighters think they're taking a dive?
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: Yep.
Sgt. Raquel Barbella: What happened?
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: Boxing History. For three rounds nobody hit anyone, it was a dance recital. Finally, I think out of boredom, one of them connected with a right [scene shows one fighter punch another and then both fighters falling down]
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: .

Movie: Sgt. Bilko
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: I'm paralyzed from the hair down. Make the bad man stop.

Movie: Sgt. Bilko
Pfc. Wally Holbrook: Permission to speak freely, sir?
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: Permission? What are we in Russia? Say anything you want!

Movie: Sgt. Bilko