Mr. Darcy: Let's see how reasonable these aristocrats are after their appetites have been whet.

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Parson Collins: Oh, fuddle!

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Parson Collins: She is *almost* as fair as the other one.

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Caroline Bingley: She is one of those young ladies who seeks to recommend herself by undervaluing her own sex.

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Mr. Bennet: Lizzie, don't go into the woods alone! Lizzie! I forbid you!

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Parson Collins: Mr. Darcy, I have made the most incredible discovery. Nay, tosh, an extraordinary discovery. Sir, you are the nephew of Lady Catherine de Bourgh.
Mr. Darcy: I know.

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Parson Collins: Allow me. Gallantry isn't dead.

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Mr. Bingley: I hate to see you just standing there. You must dance.
Mr. Darcy: Oh, you know I detest it when I'm not acquainted with my partner.

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Elizabeth Bennet: Mr. Darcy, you're as unfeeling as the undead.

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Parson Collins: Is there absolutely no negotiation over Jane?
Mrs. Bennet: The early bird catches the worm, Mr. Collins.
Parson Collins: Indeed.
Mr. Bennet: Be mindful of your talent for the delicate compliments, sir.

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Mrs. Bennet: I consider dancing to be the first refinement of polished society. Don't you agree, Mr. Darcy?
Mr. Darcy: No, every savage can dance. Why, I imagine that even zombies can do it to some degree of success.

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George Wickham: [about zombies]You see, if they never consume human brains they will never fully transform into zombies. St. Lazarus' is the key to find the ending the struggle between the living and the undead. We must force some kind of understanding with the most advanced among them.

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Lady Catherine de Bourgh: My favorite nephew. You lay unconscious for so long that when we'd heard you'd arisen we feared you'd joined the ranks of the undead.

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Lady Catherine de Bourgh: You're a very small estate here.
Elizabeth Bennet: And yet we endure it.

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Mrs. Bennet: Do not worry, Mr. Collins, she shall be brought to reason.
Parson Collins: Oh good!
Elizabeth Bennet: No.
Parson Collins: Oh no.

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Penny McGregor: I survived, Janey!
Jane Bennet: Not in the traditional sense.

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Parson Collins: I will, of course, require you to retire your warrior skills as part of the marital submission. We absolutely can't have swords in the home.

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Mr. Bingley: You prefer reading to cards?
Elizabeth Bennet: I prefer a great many things to cards.
Caroline Bingley: [In Japanese]One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. [Everyone laughs]
Elizabeth Bennet: I don't speak Japanese.
Caroline Bingley: No, of course. You didn't train in Japan. China, was it?
Elizabeth Bennet: A Shaolin temple in Henan province. It was there that I learned to endure all manner of discomfort.
Caroline Bingley: May I inquire as to the nature of this discomfort?
Elizabeth Bennet: I'd much rather give you a demonstration.

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[first lines] Elizabeth Bennet: It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains. Never was this truth more plain than in the recents attacks at Netherfield Park, in which an entire household was slaughtered by a horde of the living dead during a whist party.

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Mr. Darcy: A newly infected zombie is almost impossible to detect. Until they've ingested their first human brains, at which point the transformation accelerates with every subsequent kill.

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George Wickham: [to Darcy, outside of the church cell]My God, you're so predictable. I knew by taking young Lydia you'd have to protect the Bennets' honor. So, come to kill me then?

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Mr. Darcy: [getting dressed after the inspection]How are you able to discern that the wound from my rib was from fencing?
Priest: I've been at this a long time, my son.
Mr. Darcy: [skeptical, as he walks away]I have no wound.

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Jane Bennet: [seeing the zombie mother and child]This cannot be!

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Parson Collins: Oh, is there some sort of trouble? [the sisters draw their swords]
Parson Collins: Oh, it appears there is.

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Elizabeth Bennet: Mrs. Featherstone. You're undead.
Mrs. Featherstone: Shh, I've come to tell you a... [head gets blown off]

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Elizabeth Bennet: Your abilities as a warrior are beyond reproach, Mr. Darcy. If only you were as good a friend.

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Mr. Bennet: [cunningly]An unhappy alternative is before you. Your mother will never speak to you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins. And I will never speak to you again if you do.
Mrs. Bennet: [realizing, outraged]Who will maintain you when your father is dead? No one, Elizabeth Bennet! You shall become a poor and pathetic spinster!
Elizabeth Bennet: [near tears]Anything! Anything is to be preferred or endured rather than marrying without affection!

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Mr. Darcy: A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages. She must be well-trained in the fighting styles of the Kyoto masters, and weapons and tactics of modern Europe.

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George Wickham: The crown's funds are being drained.
Mr. Darcy: [incredulous]You're here to solicit money!
George Wickham: I'm here to propose a venture that would end the war forever. These new zombies can be reasoned with. With the proper funding I believe we can cultivate trust and even good will with this new iteration of the undead, who seem to posses an inherent power of the lower ranks of their kind.
Lady Catherine de Bourgh: [starts laughing, not believing]Zombie aristocrats?
Parson Collins: [smirking]Oh, really!
George Wickham: I prefer to think of them as souls lost in purgatory.
Lady Catherine de Bourgh: [considering]Hmm.
George Wickham: The common hordes look to them for leadership. It takes just one of them to realize that power and then to lead the hordes into battle.
Lady Catherine de Bourgh: The undead are like locusts!
Parson Collins: [still smirking]Locusts.
Lady Catherine de Bourgh: [now determined]They go forth and destroy. They have no use for leaders!
Parson Collins: Oh, uh, except one actually.
Lady Catherine de Bourgh: [turning]Hmm?
Parson Collins: Oh, well, um, according to the Book of Revelation the antichrist shall lead the undead, uh, on the day that shall be the last day of mankind.

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Mr. Darcy: [to Bingley]Carelessness when dealing with a zombie infection can lead to your abrupt demise.
Elizabeth Bennet: [suddenly at his side]Arrogance can lead to yours.
Mr. Darcy: [irate]Your defect, Ms. Bennet, besides eavesdropping... is to willfully misunderstand people.
Elizabeth Bennet: And yours is to be unjustly prejudiced against them.

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Parson Collins: The fairest wifely choice is to be right here in this room.

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Mr. Darcy: And that her arms are surprisingly muscular, yet not so much as to be unfeminine.

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Mr. Bennet: [in narration]It wasn't always like this, my dear daughters. As the century began, Britannia was rich with the fruits of worldwide trade. From the colonies there came not just silks and spices, but a virulent and abominable plague. Naturally many suspected the French were to blame. Are you surprised? Once bitten, the newly infected were filled with an insatiable hunger for the brains of the living. Millions perished, only to rise again as legions of undead. So certain it would seem the end of days had come. But even the four horsemen of the apocalypse are said to have ascended from hell. To protect the living, the Grand Barrier was built. A one hundred foot wall, encircling London. Then excavation began on the royal canal, a vast moat thirty fathoms deep surrounding both the city and its walls. The land twixt the two fortifications became known as The Inbetween. At this time it became fashionable to study the deadly arts of the Orient. Japan for the wealthy. China for the wise. In the second battle of Kent, one of the bridges that cross the royal canal was breached. Ravenous zombie hordes massacred every villager of The Inbetween. It was said the sight of this slaughter drove young King George mad. When the battle was finally won, he ordered the destruction of all the bridges, save one: Hingham Bridge. Which to this day remains the only means by which to cross the royal canal. Many believed the enemy was finally vanquished. The gentry began to leave the safe confines of London's defenses for their newly fortified country estates. But vigilance is still every essence. Remember this. Keep your swords as sharp as your wit. For the ultimate battle between the living and the undead has yet to be staged.

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Mrs. Bennet: [trying to be complimentary]Lady, may I take a moment to compliment you on your pantaloons. Your eyepatch. Fashion or function?
Lady Catherine de Bourgh: Function.

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Elizabeth Bennet: A woman is either highly trained or highly refined. One cannot afford the luxury of both in such times.

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Mr. Bingley: [referring to Jane]She's the most beautiful creature I ever beheld.

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Lady Catherine de Bourgh: [to Elizabeth]I do not know which I admire more. Your skill as a warrior or your resolve as a woman.

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Mr. Darcy: Miss Bennet, although I know many consider you to be decidedly inferior as a matter of your birth, family and circumstances, my feelings will not be repressed. In vain, I struggled. I've come to feel for you a most ardent admiration and regard which has overcome my better judgment. [takes a knee]
Mr. Darcy: So now I ask you most fervently to end my turmoil and consent to be my wife.
Elizabeth Bennet: [in slight shock]If I could feel gratitude I would now thank you. But I cannot. I never desired your good opinion. And you've certainly bestowed it most unwillingly.

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Parson Collins: I was unaware that zombies possessed such acuity so as to set such traps. Before we know it, they'll be running for Parliament.

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Mr. Bennet: Daughters do not dance well with masticated brains.

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Elizabeth Bennet: Mr. Darcy, you look as though you are fully mended.
Mr. Darcy: I am. Thank you... If it wasn't for you I'd of surely perished. You have saved me in more ways than one. What you said to me on Hingham Bridge.
Elizabeth Bennet: You heard me?
Mr. Darcy: I did. It gave me hope.
Elizabeth Bennet: For what?
Mr. Darcy: That your feelings towards me may have changed? However one word from you now will silence me on the subject forever. You are the love of my life Elizabeth Bennet. So I ask you now... half in anguish... half in hope... Will you do me the great great honor, of taking me for your husband?
Elizabeth Bennet: [happily]Yes!

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Mr. Bingley: [while at the ball]Darcy, you must dance.
Mr. Darcy: [referring to Jane Bennett]You're dancing with the only handsome girl here.
Mr. Bingley: [referring to Elizabeth Bennett]One of her sisters is also very pretty dare I say. Very agreeable.
Mr. Darcy: [looks over at Elizabeth]Well, she's tolerable. But...
Mr. Bingley: Tolerable?
Mr. Darcy: Yes, tolerable. But not handsome enough tempt me. Nor any other man here apparently.

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Elizabeth Bennet: My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.

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Mr. Darcy: [in his letter to Elizabeth]Dear Miss Elizabeth Bennet, I'm not writing to renew the sentiments that were so disgusting to you. But to address the two offenses you accuse me of. I did not intentionally wound your sister. It was a most unfortunate consequence of protecting my dearest friend. Mr. Bingley's feelings for Miss Bennet were beyond any I had ever witnessed in him, or indeed even thought him capable. The evening of the dance at Netherfield, after overhearing your mother coldly stating her intention of having all her daughters marry favorably, I persuaded Bingley of the unfitness of the match. If I have wounded Miss Bennet's feelings it was unknowingly done. As to your other accusation of having injured Mr. Wickham, no sooner had my father made clear his intention to leave Mr. Wickham a handsome sum than Mr. Darcy was mysteriously infected by the plague. It was left to me, his son, to provide a merciful ending. [beheads the zombie Mr. Darcy, Sr]
Mr. Darcy: Still I gave Wickham the inheritance my father left. Wickham squandered it, whereupon he demanded more and more money. Until I eventually refused. Thereafter he severed all ties with me. Last summer he began a relationship with my 15-year-old sister and convinced her to elope. Mr. Wickham's prime target was her inheritance of 30,000 pounds. But revenging himself on me was a strong additional inducement. Fortunately I was able to persuade my sister of Mr. Wickham's ulterior motives before it was too late. [walks away with his sister by his side]
Mr. Darcy: I hope this helps explain and perhaps mitigate my behavior in your eyes. Of all weapons in the world, I now know love to be the most dangerous. For I have suffered a mortal wound. When did I fall so deeply under your spell, Miss Bennet? I cannot fix the hour or the spot or the look or the words which lay the foundation. I was in the middle before I knew I began. But a proud fool I was. I have faced the harsh truth: that I can never hope to win your love in this life. And so I sought solace in combat. [scene flashes to night and London on fire with soldiers fighting zombies]
Mr. Darcy: I write to you from the siege of London. There is now a cunningly designed zombie attack. I sense a dark hand is at work. They are guiding the enemy, Miss Bennet. By taking London they've increased their ranks a hundredfold. Now we endeavor to keep them trapped within the great wall. This isn't the random act of some mindless horde. They struck the palace and both houses. They cut off our head before we could cut off theirs. If we should fail to contain them and they breach Hingham Bridge, It'll be as if a great dam has broken and they'll reach out for us swiftly, and in overwhelming numbers. Dear Miss Bennet. I implore you to be ready.

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Mr. Bennet: [to Mr. Collins]My daughters are trained for battle, sir, not the kitchen.

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Elizabeth Bennet: [to an unconscious Darcy, after the bridge explosion]The very first moment I beheld you, my heart was irrevocably gone.

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Elizabeth Bennet: I shall never relinquish my sword for a ring.
Charlotte: For the right man, you would.
Elizabeth Bennet: The right man wouldn't ask me to.

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Elizabeth Bennet: To succeed in polite society, a young woman must be many things. Kind... well-read... and accomplished. But to survive in the world as WE know it, you'll need... other qualities.

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Mr. Collins: [regarding Lady Catherine] My small rectory abuts her estate.

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Mrs. Bennet: Netherfield Park is let at last. Have you heard who has taken it?
Mr. Bennet: I have.

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Lady Catherine de Bourg: That is very strange.

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Elizabeth Bennet: Do you dance Mr. Darcy?
Mr. Darcy: Not if I can help it.

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Mrs. Bennet: You must visit him at once.

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Elizabeth Bennet: Only the deepest love will persuade me into matrimony.

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Elizabeth Bennet: [to Mr. Collins] Mr. Collins, I cannot accept you.

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Mr. Collins: Mr. Collins at your service.

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Mr. Wickham: I can't be trusted.

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Mr. Bennet: [upon finding a very upset Mary] Mary, my dear Mary. [hugs her]
Mr. Bennet: Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Mary Bennet: [sobbing] I've been practicing all week.
Mr. Bennet: I know, my dear.
Mary Bennet: [sobbing] I hate balls! >

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Mr. Wickham: And buckles. When it comes to buckles, I'm lost.
Elizabeth Bennet: Dear, oh dear. You must be the shame of the regiment.
Mr. Wickham: Oh, a laughing stock!
Elizabeth Bennet: What DO your superiors do with you?
Mr. Wickham: Ignore me, mostly.

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Mr. Bingley: This is a disaster isn't it! >

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Mr. Bennet: Poor Jane. Still, a girl likes to be crossed in love now and then. It gives her something to think of... and a sort of distinction amongst her companions.

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[first lines]
Jane Bennet: Lydia. Kitty.

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Mr. Darcy: Are you so severe on your own sex?
Elizabeth Bennet: I never saw such a woman. She would certainly be a fearsome thing to behold.

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Mrs. Bennet: Now she'll have to stay the night. Exactly as I predicted.
Mr. Bennet: Good grief, woman. Your skills in the art of matchmaking are positively occult. [Mrs. Bennet giggles]
Elizabeth Bennet: Though I don't think, Mama, you can reasonably take credit for making it rain.

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Mr. Collins: Mrs. Bennet I was hoping, if it would not trouble you, that I might solicit a private audience with Miss Elizabeth in the course of the morning.
Mrs. Bennet: Oh, yes. Certainly. Lizzie will be very happy indeed. Everyone, out. Mr. Collins would like a private audience with your sister.
Elizabeth Bennet: No, no, wait, please. I beg you. Mr. Collins can have nothing to say to me that anybody need not hear.
Mrs. Bennet: No nonsense, Lizzie. I desire you will stay where you are. Everyone else to the drawing room. Mr. Bennet?
Mr. Bennet: But...
Mrs. Bennet: Now.

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Mr. Darcy: Do you talk, as a rule, while dancing?
Elizabeth Bennet: No... No, I prefer to be unsociable and taciturn... Makes it all so much more enjoyable, don't you think?

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Mary Bennet: The glories of nature. What are men compared to rocks and mountains?
Elizabeth Bennet: Believe me. Men are either eaten up with arrogance or stupidity. If they are amiable, they are so easily led they have no minds of their own whatsoever.
Mrs. Gardiner: Take care, my love. That savors strongly of bitterness.

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Mary Bennet: What are men compared to rocks and mountains?

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Elizabeth Bennet: He's so... He's so... He's so rich.

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Mr. Bingley: [Practicing proposing, with Mr. Darcy as Jane] Miss Bennett.
Mr. Darcy: [Bows] Mr. Bingley.

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Mr. Bingley: [Flustered after visiting with the Bennett's had not gone as hoped] She was going to say "sit down", and...

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Mr. Bennet: Lizzie, are you out of your senses? I thought you hated the man.
Elizabeth Bennet: No, Papa.
Mr. Bennet: He's rich, to be sure, and you will have more fine carriages than Jane. But will that make you happy?
Elizabeth Bennet: Have you no objection other than your belief in my indifference?
Mr. Bennet: None at all. We all know him to be a proud, unpleasant sort of fellow... but that would be nothing if you really liked him.
Elizabeth Bennet: I do like him.
Mr. Bennet: Well...
Elizabeth Bennet: I love him.

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Mr. Darcy: Mr. Gardiner, are you fond of fishing?
Mr. Gardiner: Oh, very much.
Mr. Darcy: Can I persuade you to accompany me down to the lake this afternoon? It's very well-stocked, and its inhabitants have been left in peace for far too long.
Mr. Gardiner: I would be delighted.

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Elizabeth Bennet: Now if every man in the room does not end the evening in love with you then I am no judge of beauty.
Jane Bennet: [giggles] Or men.
Elizabeth Bennet: [laughs brightly] No, they are far too easy to judge.
Jane Bennet: They're not all bad.
Elizabeth Bennet: Humorless poppycocks, in my limited experience.
Jane Bennet: One of these days, Lizzie, someone will catch your eye and then you'll have to watch your tongue.

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Lady Catherine de Bourg: Now tell me once and for all: Are you engaged to him?
Elizabeth Bennet: I am not.
Lady Catherine de Bourg: And will you promise never to enter into such an engagement?
Elizabeth Bennet: I will not and I certainly never shall. You have insulted me in every possible way, and can now have nothing further to say. [Goes towards the door]
Elizabeth Bennet: I must ask you to leave immediately. [Opens door]
Elizabeth Bennet: Good night.
Lady Catherine de Bourg: [Storms out] I have never been thus treated in my entire life.

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Elizabeth Bennet: What a beautiful pianoforte.
Georgiana Darcy: My brother gave it to me. He shouldn't have.
Mr. Darcy: Yes, I should've.
Georgiana Darcy: Oh, very well then.
Mr. Darcy: Easily persuaded, is she not?
Elizabeth Bennet: Your unfortunate brother once had to put up with my playing for a whole evening.
Georgiana Darcy: But he says you play so well.
Elizabeth Bennet: Then he has perjured himself most profoundly.
Mr. Darcy: No I said, "played quite well."
Elizabeth Bennet: Oh, "quite well" is not "very well." I'm satisfied.

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[from trailer]
Lady Catherine de Bourg: [to Lizzie] Mr. Darcy is engaged to my daughter. Do you think this union can be prevented by a young woman of inferior birth?

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Elizabeth Bennet: I'm very fond of walking.
Mr. Darcy: Yes... yes I know.

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Mr. Collins: Do not make yourself uneasy, my dear cousin, about your apparel.
Charlotte Lucas: Just put on whatever you bought that's best.
Mr. Collins: Lady Catherine has never been averse to the truly humble.

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Elizabeth Bennet: If he cannot percieve her regard, he is a fool.
Charlotte Lucas: We are all fools in love.

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Elizabeth Bennet: He's been a fool about so many things, about Jane, and others... but then, so have I. You see, he and I are so similar. [starts laughing helplessly]
Elizabeth Bennet: We've been nonsensical! Papa, I...
Mr. Bennet: [also starts laughing, softly] You really do love him, don't you?
Elizabeth Bennet: Very much.

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Mrs. Bennet: ...and then he danced the third with Miss Lucas.
Mr. Bennet: We were all there, dear.
Mrs. Bennet: Oh, poor thing. It is a shame she's not more handsome. There's a spinster in the making and no mistake. The fourth with a Miss King, of little standing... and the fifth again with Jane.
Mr. Bennet: If he'd had any compassion for me, he would have sprained his ankle in the first set.

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[ordered to order Lizzie to accept Mr. Collins's proposal]
Mr. Bennet: Your mother insists on you marrying Mr. Collins...
Mrs. Bennet: Yes! Or I'll never see her again!
Mr. Bennet: Well, Lizzie, from this day henceforth it seems you must be a stranger to one of your parents...
Mrs. Bennet: Who will maintain you when your father's gone?
Mr. Bennet: Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins... and I will never see you again if you do.
Mrs. Bennet: Mr. Bennet!
Elizabeth Bennet: Thank you, Papa.

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Mr. Bennet: Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins... And I will never see you again if you do.

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Mr. Darcy: And are you having a pleasant trip?
Elizabeth Bennet: Yes... very pleasant.

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Elizabeth Bennet: Did I just agree to dance with Mr. Darcy?
Charlotte Lucas: I dare say you will find him amiable.
Elizabeth Bennet: It would be most inconvenient since I have sworn to loathe him for all eternity. [both laugh] >

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Caroline Bingley: Miss Elizabeth, let us take a turn about the room. [Caroline takes Lizzy's arm in hers, and they walk gracefully in a circle around the room]
Caroline Bingley: It's refreshing, is it not after sitting so long in one attitude?
Elizabeth Bennet: And it is a small kind of accomplishment, I suppose.
Caroline Bingley: Will you not join us, Mr. Darcy?
Mr. Darcy: You can only have two motives, Caroline and I would interfere with either.
Caroline Bingley: What can he mean?
Elizabeth Bennet: Our surest way of disappointing him will be to ask him nothing about it.
Caroline Bingley: But Do tell us, Mr. Darcy.
Mr. Darcy: Either you are in each other's confidence and have secret affairs to discuss, or you are conscious that your figures appear to the greatest advantage by walking. If the first, I should get in your way. If the second, I can admire you much better from here.

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Elizabeth Bennet: Are you to proud Mr. Darcy? And would you consider pride a fault or a virtue?
Mr. Darcy: That I couldn't say.
Elizabeth Bennet: Because we're doing our best to find a fault in you.
Mr. Darcy: Maybe it's that I find it hard to forgive the follies and vices of others, or their offenses against me. My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever.
Elizabeth Bennet: Oh, dear, I cannot tease you about that. What a shame, for I dearly love to laugh.
Caroline Bingley: A family trait, I think.

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[Mr. Darcy walks next to the piano]
Elizabeth Bennet: You mean to frighten me, Mr. Darcy, by coming in all your state to hear me, but I won't be alarmed even if your sister does play so well.
Mr. Darcy: I am well enough acquainted with you, Miss Elizabeth, to know that I can not alarm you, even should I wish it.

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Mr. Darcy: I... do not have the talent of conversing easily with people I have never met before.
Elizabeth Bennet: Perhaps you should take your aunt's advice and practice?

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Mr. Collins: ...which are only to be obtained through intercourse... [pause, thunder]
Mr. Collins: Forgive me... through the intercourse of friendship or civility.

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Elizabeth Bennet: He looks miserable, poor soul.
Charlotte Lucas: Miserable he may be, but poor he most certainly is not.
Elizabeth Bennet: Tell me.
Charlotte Lucas: 10,000 a year and he owns half of Derbyshire.
Elizabeth Bennet: The miserable half?

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Elizabeth Bennet: I could more easily forgive his vanity had he not wounded mine.

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Jane Bennet: Oh, Lizzie, if I could but see you happy. If there were such another man for you.
Elizabeth Bennet: Perhaps Mr. Collins has a cousin.

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Mrs. Bennet: Do you not want to know who has taken it?
Mr. Bennet: As you wish to tell me, my dear, I doubt I have any choice in the matter.

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Mr. Bennet: If any young men come for Mary or Kitty, for heaven's sake, send them in. I'm quite at my leisure.

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Elizabeth Bennet: I've been so blind.

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Elizabeth Bennet: [On Marriage] Is that really all you think about?
Mrs. Bennet: When you have five daughters, Lizzie, tell me what else will occupy your thoughts, and then perhaps you will understand.

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Mr. Darcy: You must know... surely, you must know it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I'd scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.

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Georgiana Darcy: [to Elizabeth on playing the piano] Do you play duets Miss Bennet?
Elizabeth Bennet: Only when forced.
Georgiana Darcy: [to Darcy] Brother, you must force her.

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