Pardon Us Quotes
Schoolteacher: We shall now have an intelligence test. Who was Columbus?
Prisoner: The mayor of Ohio.
Schoolteacher: [pause] What did he do?
Insurgent Convict: He died.
Schoolteacher: Well, of course he died. Who killed him?
The Tiger: Clark Robbins.
Schoolteacher: Who said *that*?
The Tiger: I did.
Schoolteacher: [pause] Correct.
Prisoner: The mayor of Ohio.
Schoolteacher: [pause] What did he do?
Insurgent Convict: He died.
Schoolteacher: Well, of course he died. Who killed him?
The Tiger: Clark Robbins.
Schoolteacher: Who said *that*?
The Tiger: I did.
Schoolteacher: [pause] Correct.
Movie: Pardon Us
Schoolteacher: We will now have the role call. Those that are here will answer present. Those that are not here will say absent.
Movie: Pardon Us
Schoolteacher: What is a blizzard?
Stanley: A blizzard? A blizzard is the inside of a buzzard.
Schoolteacher: Fresh, huh?
Stanley: A blizzard? A blizzard is the inside of a buzzard.
Schoolteacher: Fresh, huh?
Movie: Pardon Us
Schoolteacher: You spell "Needle"!
Oliver: [pause] N-E-I-D-L-E.
Schoolteacher: There is no "I" in needle!
Stanley: Then it's a rotten needle.
Oliver: [pause] N-E-I-D-L-E.
Schoolteacher: There is no "I" in needle!
Stanley: Then it's a rotten needle.
Movie: Pardon Us
The Tiger: Ha ha, hey, you and me is gonna be good pals.
Stanley: Thank you.
[tooth buzzes]
The Tiger: Hey, I heard you the first time. Now don't take advantage of my good humor. But if you do...
[starts to strangle Stan]
Stanley: Thank you.
[tooth buzzes]
The Tiger: Hey, I heard you the first time. Now don't take advantage of my good humor. But if you do...
[starts to strangle Stan]
Movie: Pardon Us
The Tiger: Ha ha, hey, you and me is gonna be good pals.
Stanley: Thank you.
[tooth buzzes]
The Tiger: Hey, I heard you the first time. Now don't take advantage of my good humor. But if you do...
[starts to strangle Stan]
Stanley: Thank you.
[tooth buzzes]
The Tiger: Hey, I heard you the first time. Now don't take advantage of my good humor. But if you do...
[starts to strangle Stan]
Movie: Pardon Us
The Tiger: Put'er there. Ha ha ha. You're the first guy who had the nerve to raspberry The Tiger. I like a guy that does that.
Movie: Pardon Us
The Tiger: Put'er there. Ha ha ha. You're the first guy who had the nerve to raspberry The Tiger. I like a guy that does that.
Movie: Pardon Us
Desk Sergeant: What's your name?
Stanley: Stanley Laurel.
Desk Sergeant: Say "sir" when you're addressing me. Now what's your name?
Stanley: Sir Stanley Laurel.
Desk Sergeant: What's your name?
Oliver: Oliver Norvell Hardy, sir.
Stanley: Stanley Laurel.
Desk Sergeant: Say "sir" when you're addressing me. Now what's your name?
Stanley: Sir Stanley Laurel.
Desk Sergeant: What's your name?
Oliver: Oliver Norvell Hardy, sir.
Movie: Pardon Us
Insurgent Convict: Hey! Hey! Hey! What are you doing there? Keep off of my head!
Oliver: Pardon me, I'm a stranger here.
Oliver: Pardon me, I'm a stranger here.
Movie: Pardon Us
Insurgent Convict: Hey! Hey! Hey! What are you doing there? Keep off of my head!
Oliver: Pardon me, I'm a stranger here.
Oliver: Pardon me, I'm a stranger here.
Movie: Pardon Us
Oliver: [at the prison dentist] Who ever heard of a dentist hurting you these days? Why, you won't even feel it.
Stanley: You won't feel it, but how about me? How about those other fellows?
Oliver: Ha ha ha ha, they were only laughing.
[sits down in dentist chair beside Stan]
Oliver: You know, there are times when you try my patience. There's nothing do it. It's all in your mind. Now just sit back and... Relax. Why they could pull every tooth in my head and I wouldn't even feel it.
[the dentist accidentally sets to work on Ollie's teeth; Ollie yelps in pain]
Oliver: Why didn't you tell him?
Stanley: I thought you were laughing.
Stanley: You won't feel it, but how about me? How about those other fellows?
Oliver: Ha ha ha ha, they were only laughing.
[sits down in dentist chair beside Stan]
Oliver: You know, there are times when you try my patience. There's nothing do it. It's all in your mind. Now just sit back and... Relax. Why they could pull every tooth in my head and I wouldn't even feel it.
[the dentist accidentally sets to work on Ollie's teeth; Ollie yelps in pain]
Oliver: Why didn't you tell him?
Stanley: I thought you were laughing.
Movie: Pardon Us
Oliver: [Stan and Ollie are wearing blackface] They'll never recognize us in a 100 years. For once in your life you've hit up on a good idea.
Stanley: A practical idea.
Oliver: What about the tooth? The buzzer.
Stanley: Oh, I fixed that too. I vulcanized it.
Oliver: You what?
Stanley: I vulcanized it. I put some chewing gum in there and it don't buzz any more.
Oliver: You're actually using your brain. That's what comes from associating with me.
Stanley: What do you mean associa-
Oliver: Tut tut tut tut.
Stanley: Tut tut tut tut?
Stanley: A practical idea.
Oliver: What about the tooth? The buzzer.
Stanley: Oh, I fixed that too. I vulcanized it.
Oliver: You what?
Stanley: I vulcanized it. I put some chewing gum in there and it don't buzz any more.
Oliver: You're actually using your brain. That's what comes from associating with me.
Stanley: What do you mean associa-
Oliver: Tut tut tut tut.
Stanley: Tut tut tut tut?
Movie: Pardon Us
Oliver: [Stan and Ollie are wearing blackface] They'll never recognize us in a 100 years. For once in your life you've hit up on a good idea.
Stanley: A practical idea.
Oliver: What about the tooth? The buzzer.
Stanley: Oh, I fixed that too. I vulcanized it.
Oliver: You what?
Stanley: I vulcanized it. I put some chewing gum in there and it don't buzz any more.
Oliver: You're actually using your brain. That's what comes from associating with me.
Stanley: What do you mean associa-
Oliver: Tut tut tut tut.
Stanley: Tut tut tut tut?
Stanley: A practical idea.
Oliver: What about the tooth? The buzzer.
Stanley: Oh, I fixed that too. I vulcanized it.
Oliver: You what?
Stanley: I vulcanized it. I put some chewing gum in there and it don't buzz any more.
Oliver: You're actually using your brain. That's what comes from associating with me.
Stanley: What do you mean associa-
Oliver: Tut tut tut tut.
Stanley: Tut tut tut tut?
Movie: Pardon Us
Schoolteacher: Now, what is a comet? You!
Prisoner: A comet. A comet is a star with a tale on it.
Schoolteacher: Correct. [points to Stan]
Schoolteacher: Name one.
Stanley: Rin Tin Tin.
Schoolteacher: D'oh!
Prisoner: A comet. A comet is a star with a tale on it.
Schoolteacher: Correct. [points to Stan]
Schoolteacher: Name one.
Stanley: Rin Tin Tin.
Schoolteacher: D'oh!
Movie: Pardon Us
Schoolteacher: You spell Needle!
Oliver: [pause] N-E-I-D-L-E.
Schoolteacher: There is no I in needle!
Stanley: Then it's a rotten needle.
Oliver: [pause] N-E-I-D-L-E.
Schoolteacher: There is no I in needle!
Stanley: Then it's a rotten needle.
Movie: Pardon Us
Warden: [seeing Stan and Ollie for the first time]
[sadly]
Warden: My, my, and still they come. Let us begin with a perfect understanding. I am just as sorry to see you here as you are to be here. Keep one thing in mind, it all depends on you yourselves just how you're going to fare during your stay here. Never forget that this is a prison, and in a prison, all the rules must be obeyed. Discipline is the one thing that must be observed. If you are good prisoners, everything will be okay. If you're not, if you break the rules, then it will be just plain hell on Earth. Do you understand?
Stanley: Yes, sir.
[tooth buzzes]
Warden: [begins to go ballistic] Wha...!
Oliver: It was his tooth...
Warden: [shouts] Shut up, you! Put them in cell 14!
Prison Guard: But not in with The Tiger, sir.
Warden: [shouts] Put them in Cell 14! Get them out of here before I lose my temper!! Talking to the warden like that! A fine piece business. Convicts talking to the warden.
[shouts]
Warden: Why, I'll take those men, I'll break them! I'll put them in Cell 14. I don't care who's in there! What I'll do with them.
[sadly]
Warden: My, my, and still they come. Let us begin with a perfect understanding. I am just as sorry to see you here as you are to be here. Keep one thing in mind, it all depends on you yourselves just how you're going to fare during your stay here. Never forget that this is a prison, and in a prison, all the rules must be obeyed. Discipline is the one thing that must be observed. If you are good prisoners, everything will be okay. If you're not, if you break the rules, then it will be just plain hell on Earth. Do you understand?
Stanley: Yes, sir.
[tooth buzzes]
Warden: [begins to go ballistic] Wha...!
Oliver: It was his tooth...
Warden: [shouts] Shut up, you! Put them in cell 14!
Prison Guard: But not in with The Tiger, sir.
Warden: [shouts] Put them in Cell 14! Get them out of here before I lose my temper!! Talking to the warden like that! A fine piece business. Convicts talking to the warden.
[shouts]
Warden: Why, I'll take those men, I'll break them! I'll put them in Cell 14. I don't care who's in there! What I'll do with them.
Movie: Pardon Us
Warden: So they wanted a showdown, did they? They wanted a fight into a finish, did they? Well by the livin' Lucifer, THEY'RE GOING TO GET IT! Go on now, hop to it.
Movie: Pardon Us
Warden: [seeing Stan and Ollie for the first time]
[sadly]
Warden: My, my, and still they come. Let us begin with a perfect understanding. I am just as sorry to see you here as you are to be here. Keep one thing in mind, it all depends on you yourselves just how you're going to fare during your stay here. Never forget that this is a prison, and in a prison, all the rules must be obeyed. Discipline is the one thing that must be observed. If you are good prisoners, everything will be okay. If you're not, if you break the rules, then it will be just plain hell on Earth. Do you understand?
Stanley: Yes, sir.
[tooth buzzes]
Warden: [begins to go ballistic] Wha...!
Oliver: It was his tooth...
Warden: [shouts] Shut up, you! Put them in cell 14!
Prison Guard: But not in with The Tiger, sir.
Warden: [shouts] Put them in Cell 14! Get them out of here before I lose my temper!! Talking to the warden like that! A fine piece business. Convicts talking to the warden.
[shouts]
Warden: Why, I'll take those men, I'll break them! I'll put them in Cell 14. I don't care who's in there! What I'll do with them.
[sadly]
Warden: My, my, and still they come. Let us begin with a perfect understanding. I am just as sorry to see you here as you are to be here. Keep one thing in mind, it all depends on you yourselves just how you're going to fare during your stay here. Never forget that this is a prison, and in a prison, all the rules must be obeyed. Discipline is the one thing that must be observed. If you are good prisoners, everything will be okay. If you're not, if you break the rules, then it will be just plain hell on Earth. Do you understand?
Stanley: Yes, sir.
[tooth buzzes]
Warden: [begins to go ballistic] Wha...!
Oliver: It was his tooth...
Warden: [shouts] Shut up, you! Put them in cell 14!
Prison Guard: But not in with The Tiger, sir.
Warden: [shouts] Put them in Cell 14! Get them out of here before I lose my temper!! Talking to the warden like that! A fine piece business. Convicts talking to the warden.
[shouts]
Warden: Why, I'll take those men, I'll break them! I'll put them in Cell 14. I don't care who's in there! What I'll do with them.
Movie: Pardon Us
Warden: So they wanted a showdown, did they? They wanted a fight into a finish, did they? Well by the livin' Lucifer, THEY'RE GOING TO GET IT! Go on now, hop to it.
Movie: Pardon Us
[last lines]
Warden: My boys, and you are my boys, I hold in my hand the pardons for both of you. This is the state's gesture in showing it's appreciation of your bravery. It was the firing of the signal shots in the mess hall that saved us from a disaster of cataclysmic dimensions.
[Stan and Ollie stare blankly; Warden hands them their pardons]
Oliver: Thank you, sir.
Warden: Now go, begin life a new. Forget this. Let this episode here be just a hiatus to be obliterated from your memory. And don't forget that I'm your friend. Anything that I can do to help you start where you left off, call on me at any time.
Oliver: Thank you.
[to Stan]
Oliver: We'll start all over again.
Stanley: We certainly will.
[to Warden]
Stanley: Can we take your order for a couple of cases?
[tooth buzzes]
Warden: Why you...!
[Stan and Ollie run from the office; screen fades to black; THE END appears on screen]
Warden: My boys, and you are my boys, I hold in my hand the pardons for both of you. This is the state's gesture in showing it's appreciation of your bravery. It was the firing of the signal shots in the mess hall that saved us from a disaster of cataclysmic dimensions.
[Stan and Ollie stare blankly; Warden hands them their pardons]
Oliver: Thank you, sir.
Warden: Now go, begin life a new. Forget this. Let this episode here be just a hiatus to be obliterated from your memory. And don't forget that I'm your friend. Anything that I can do to help you start where you left off, call on me at any time.
Oliver: Thank you.
[to Stan]
Oliver: We'll start all over again.
Stanley: We certainly will.
[to Warden]
Stanley: Can we take your order for a couple of cases?
[tooth buzzes]
Warden: Why you...!
[Stan and Ollie run from the office; screen fades to black; THE END appears on screen]
Movie: Pardon Us
[last lines]
Warden: My boys, and you are my boys, I hold in my hand the pardons for both of you. This is the state's gesture in showing it's appreciation of your bravery. It was the firing of the signal shots in the mess hall that saved us from a disaster of cataclysmic dimensions.
[Stan and Ollie stare blankly; Warden hands them their pardons]
Oliver: Thank you, sir.
Warden: Now go, begin life a new. Forget this. Let this episode here be just a hiatus to be obliterated from your memory. And don't forget that I'm your friend. Anything that I can do to help you start where you left off, call on me at any time.
Oliver: Thank you.
[to Stan]
Oliver: We'll start all over again.
Stanley: We certainly will.
[to Warden]
Stanley: Can we take your order for a couple of cases?
[tooth buzzes]
Warden: Why you...!
[Stan and Ollie run from the office; screen fades to black; "THE END" appears on screen]
Warden: My boys, and you are my boys, I hold in my hand the pardons for both of you. This is the state's gesture in showing it's appreciation of your bravery. It was the firing of the signal shots in the mess hall that saved us from a disaster of cataclysmic dimensions.
[Stan and Ollie stare blankly; Warden hands them their pardons]
Oliver: Thank you, sir.
Warden: Now go, begin life a new. Forget this. Let this episode here be just a hiatus to be obliterated from your memory. And don't forget that I'm your friend. Anything that I can do to help you start where you left off, call on me at any time.
Oliver: Thank you.
[to Stan]
Oliver: We'll start all over again.
Stanley: We certainly will.
[to Warden]
Stanley: Can we take your order for a couple of cases?
[tooth buzzes]
Warden: Why you...!
[Stan and Ollie run from the office; screen fades to black; "THE END" appears on screen]
Movie: Pardon Us