Life of Brian Quotes

Francis : We're gettin' in through the underground heating system here, up through into the main audience chamber here, and Pilate's wife's bedroom is here. Having grabbed his wife, we inform Pilate that she is in our custody and forthwith issue our demands. Any questions?
Commando Xerxes : What exactly are the demands?
Reg : We're giving Pilate two days to dismantle the entire apparatus of the Roman Imperialist State, and if he doesn't agree immediately, we execute her.

Movie: Life of Brian
Matthias : All I did was say to my wife, "That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah!"

Movie: Life of Brian
Matthias : [ Answering the summons of the door ] My legs are old and bent, my ears are grizzled, yes?
Centurion : There's one place we didn't look. Guards! [ the guards troop into the house ]
Matthias : ...Nose is knackered.
Centurion : Have you ever seen anyone crucified?
Matthias : Crucifixion's a doddle.
Centurion : ...Don't keep saying that.
Lead Search Guard : [ Guards troop out, last guard pauses ] Found this spoon, sir.
Centurion : Well done, Sergeant!
Centurion : We'll be back... Oddball...

Movie: Life of Brian
Brian : No, no. Please, please please listen. I've got one or two things to say.
The Crowd : Tell us! Tell us both of them!
Brian : Look, you've got it all wrong. You don't need to follow me. You don't need to follow anybody! You've got to think for yourselves! You're all individuals!
The Crowd : Yes! We're all individuals!
Brian : You're all different!
The Crowd : Yes! We're all different!
Man in crowd : I'm not...
Man in crowd : Shhh!
Brian : You've all got to work it out for yourselves.
The Crowd : Yes! We've got to work it out for ourselves!
Brian : Exactly!
The Crowd : Tell us more!
Brian : No! That's the point! Don't let anyone tell you what to do! Otherwise - Ow! Ow!

Movie: Life of Brian
Blood and Thunder Prophet : [ screaming ] ... and the bezan shall be huge and black, and the eyes thereof red with the blood of living creatures, and the whore of Babylon shall ride forth on a three-headed serpent, and throughout the lands, there will be a great rubbing of parts. Yeeah...
False Prophet : [ yelling ] ... for the demon shall bear a nine-bladed sword. NINE-bladed! Not two or five or seven, but NINE, which he will wield on all wretched sinners, sinners just like you, sir, there, and the horns shall be on the head, with which he will...
Boring Prophet : ...there shall, in that time, be *rumors* of things going astray, errrm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things wi - with the sort of raffia work base that has an attachment. At this time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight o'clock. Yea, it is written in the book of Cyril that...

Movie: Life of Brian