Ernest Goes to Jail Quotes

Auntie Nelda: The way they run this institution is an outrage, for a poor, tight, old lonely woman like me. Her only son of feathers is a terribly successful one. Young man? Young Man? [the gate guard comes out]
Auntie Nelda: Young Man, Would you please open that gate, I left my car running outside?
Gate Guard: Ma'am, You tell me how you got through this gate, the visitors area's on the other side of the prison.
Auntie Nelda: I brought him up with the best I could, but sometimes a bad thief pulls from even the most fragile flower.
Gate Guard: Ma'am, you are not going through this gate.
Auntie Nelda: Is this the way you'd treat your mother? Is this the kind of abuse that poor woman must endure?
Gate Guard: Well, I guess that my mother is a little bit mad at-...
Auntie Nelda: Mmmhmm! You ought to be in the slammer with the rest of these misfits! If you had any remorse at all for the HORROR you pushed your mother through, you'd open that gate! I have a car overheating as we SPEAK! [Ernest makes a snooty expression at the Gate Guard]
Gate Guard: Ok, Ok. [picks up phone]
Gate Guard: All right! Let's open the east gate. [hangs it up]
Gate Guard: There, now you satisfied?
Auntie Nelda: Now tell your mother how her son has improved despite his shady and somewhat checkered past.

Movie: Ernest Goes to Jail
Chuck: We're sorry, Ernest, Bobby didn't know the mace can was loaded.

Movie: Ernest Goes to Jail
Ernest P. Worrell: I've never been inside a restaurant that doesn't have a drive-thru window before.

Movie: Ernest Goes to Jail
Ernest P. Worrell: [finding Rimshot in the trashcan] What kind of person would throw away a perfectly good dog?

Movie: Ernest Goes to Jail
Felix Nash: Don't worry about that diet, tubby. Once I set this fuse, you'll lose all that weight.

Movie: Ernest Goes to Jail
[Ernest and the crew he's with are being forced to go into a jail cell, and Ernest is mistaking the prison he's in for his jury crew, and a guard comes up from behind him and hits him]
Ernest P. Worrell: I hope you've got a good story to tell my boss! After all, I do have a living to earn.
Mean prison guard: Now look, Nash -...
Ernest P. Worrell: My name is Worrel, Ernest P. Worrel.
Mean prison guard: Oh, Mister Funny-Man, huh? Yeah, Mister Funny-Man. You'll think funny when you're tapping to the tune of 2-20, son! [throws him into his cell, right next to them]
Ernest P. Worrell: That is the rudest bailiff I have ever seen in my life.

Movie: Ernest Goes to Jail