Comedy Central Presents Quotes
Demetri Martin: Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
Movie: Comedy Central Presents
Gilbert Gottfried: The only way Hugh Hefner can get stiff now is through rigor mortis!
Movie: Comedy Central Presents
Jeffrey Ross: I wouldn't **** Sandra Bernhardt with Bea Arthur's dick.
Movie: Comedy Central Presents
Jimmy Kimmel: Black people think our next roaster is very funny. He took the name Cedric the Entertainer because it paid better than the name Cedric the Janitor. From the Kings of Comedy and a truly awful show on The WB, Cedric the Entertainer!
Movie: Comedy Central Presents
Jimmy Kimmel: When Drew Carey recovered from emergency angioplasty last month, comedy was dealt a near-fatal blow. You know Drew from his ABC ****com The Drew Carey Show, where he plays 'Mimi', and from Whose Line is it Anyway?, where he pretends to laugh at guys pretending to improvise.
Jimmy Kimmel: But unlike a lot of people, Drew Carey does his part for the American economy - keeping thousands of young prostitutes gainfully employed. By the way, Cleveland sucks! Your football team is the color of ****! Drew Carey, everybody!
Jimmy Kimmel: But unlike a lot of people, Drew Carey does his part for the American economy - keeping thousands of young prostitutes gainfully employed. By the way, Cleveland sucks! Your football team is the color of ****! Drew Carey, everybody!
Movie: Comedy Central Presents
Rob Schneider: Thank you. I thought about canceling my appearance here tonight, but it's important for all us that we get back to our lives or the terrorists win. So last night, I'm at a strip club, trying to get back to my life. The stripping industry has been hit very hard.
Rob Schneider: We're here tonight to honor a man who personifies why these terrorists hate us. If it were up to them, women couldn't read, couldn't work, get fake tits, go to school, pose nude to "help their career"... Hugh Hefner believes that women should be able to do all those things. Except read.
Rob Schneider: A few years ago, Hef found the woman he'd been looking for all his life and he got married. A woman he could cherish for the rest of his life. And then, she turned 20. Hef is still looking for a woman he can spend the rest of his life with, and he thinks he's finally ready for that three-or four-year commitment.
Rob Schneider: Anyway, Hef, we're here making fun of you tonight, but the truth is I love you, I respect you and - 'cause I think you can help me get laid. I hope you're here with us forever, and when God writes your name in the Book of Life, I just hope all the pages won't be all stuck together. So, all the best...
Rob Schneider: We're here tonight to honor a man who personifies why these terrorists hate us. If it were up to them, women couldn't read, couldn't work, get fake tits, go to school, pose nude to "help their career"... Hugh Hefner believes that women should be able to do all those things. Except read.
Rob Schneider: A few years ago, Hef found the woman he'd been looking for all his life and he got married. A woman he could cherish for the rest of his life. And then, she turned 20. Hef is still looking for a woman he can spend the rest of his life with, and he thinks he's finally ready for that three-or four-year commitment.
Rob Schneider: Anyway, Hef, we're here making fun of you tonight, but the truth is I love you, I respect you and - 'cause I think you can help me get laid. I hope you're here with us forever, and when God writes your name in the Book of Life, I just hope all the pages won't be all stuck together. So, all the best...
Movie: Comedy Central Presents