Absolutely Fabulous Quotes

Eddie: I'm opening a shop, Pats.
Patsy: Ooh, what are you going to sell?
Eddie: Oh, just gorgeous things, you know.
Patsy: Ooh, lovely.
Eddie: Gorgeous, tasteful, little stylish little gorgeous things.
Patsy: Expensive...
Eddie: Obviously, yes. They'll be present-y Anoushka Hempel-y sorts of things everywhere.
Patsy: Chocolates?
Eddie: Garden implements, that sort of thing. [flicking through a magazine]
Eddie: I can't find anyone I want to look like... Oh! Oh, she's not bad. Who's that?
Patsy: That's Ivana Trump.
Eddie: She's good, isn't she?
Bubble: Do you think so? She looks like a classic bimbo to me. All that terrible blonde hair piled on top of her head. False tan. She's far too thin. Always pouting. Absolutely no character. The skirt's too short. I mean, it's pathetic these older women struggling to look twenty five... Sorry.
Patsy: I think she's tremendous.

TV Show: Absolutely Fabulous
Eddie: Honestly, I mean, you wouldn't believe how much I weigh.
Saffie: I would.
Eddie: I know I don't look hugely overweight, darling...
Saffie: You do.
Eddie: I mean, what I saw in that mirror shocked me. Barbara Bush with no clothes on. I don't believe it.
Saffie: Who did you expect?
Eddie: Well, Marisa Berenson, of course.
Saffie: Who?
Eddie: I have only ever seen Marisa Berenson. Sometimes Cher.
Saffie: Pre-knife. Do you want a cup of tea?
Eddie: Oh, no. Coffee. Black, I shouldn't drink milk.

TV Show: Absolutely Fabulous
Edina: I know it's a sensitive issue with someone your age, darling. And a bit embarassed to talk about it, aren't you, sweetie? Mm? My analyst says that I should let you sort it out in your own time, and everything. But Jesus Christ, darling! Not one bloody boyfriend in the whole time that I've known you! I mean, you're not that bloody ugly! What's the matter with you? Huh? Have you read that "Karma Sutra" I gave you? No! That Dutch cap has only ever seen the light of day. I mean, God! Here I am, your mother, poised for your first sexual experience and night after night, dry bloody sheets! I'm sorry, darling, but I don't want a little moustached virgin for a daughter, so do something about it! Unless of course...
Saffron: Mum, don't!
Edina: Well, darling...
Saffron: Mum, please!
Edina: Unless of course... Unless of course you're gay, darling.
Saffron: Mum!
Edina: Sweetie! Are you darling? You can tell me, sweetie. Are you darling?
Saffron: Yes, I'm gay.
Edina: Oh, hoorah! [pause]
Edina: Well done, darling, well done!
Saffron: I'm glad it makes you happy, but actually, I'm not.
Edina: What?
Saffron: I'm not gay! [Edina looks disappointed]
Saffron: Sorry.
Edina: Oh! Break it to me like that, why don't you? Yes... I suppose it's not your fault, really, is it? Just your old mother clutching at straws. Trying to find one exotic, interesting feature about you, but there we are.

TV Show: Absolutely Fabulous
Eddie: Yes, but I pay you to interpret my dreams so why can't you at least find a hidden depth? I'm not willing to believe I'm simply THAT obvious. Why, if you are bloody psychic psychologist, how come I'm always having to call YOU, hmm?

TV Show: Absolutely Fabulous
Eddie: What do you see when you look in the mirror, darling?
Patsy: Me looking fabulous. What do you see?
Eddie: Yeah... Just the room.

TV Show: Absolutely Fabulous
Patsy: Darling, you are a fabulous, wonderful individual.
Eddie: Oh, thank you.
Patsy: And remember, I've known you longer than your daughter, and anything you do is alright by me. You're my best friend, sweetheart. Can I take your car?

TV Show: Absolutely Fabulous