W. C. Fields Quotes

W. C. Fields Quotes. Below is a collection of famous W. C. Fields quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by W. C. Fields. Share these quotations with your friends and family.

My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?

By W. C. Fields
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and, furthermore, always carry a small snake.

By W. C. Fields
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

By W. C. Fields
Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one.

By W. C. Fields
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

By W. C. Fields
The best thing to break is a contract.

By W. C. Fields
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

By W. C. Fields
Start off everyday with a simple smile and get it over with.

By W. C. Fields
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

By W. C. Fields
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

By W. C. Fields
Never smarten up a chump.

By W. C. Fields
Never give a sucker an even break.

By W. C. Fields
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

By W. C. Fields
Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

By W. C. Fields
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

By W. C. Fields
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

By W. C. Fields
I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.

By W. C. Fields
I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

By W. C. Fields
I never vote for anyone I always vote against.

By W. C. Fields
I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

By W. C. Fields
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

By W. C. Fields
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy.

By W. C. Fields
How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon -- and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

By W. C. Fields
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

By W. C. Fields
Children should neither be seen or heard from -- ever again.

By W. C. Fields
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

By W. C. Fields
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

By W. C. Fields
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

By W. C. Fields
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

By W. C. Fields
I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.

By W. C. Fields