Homer Simpson Quotes

Homer Simpson Quotes. Below is a collection of famous Homer Simpson quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by Homer Simpson. Share these quotations with your friends and family.

Religion is like farting: we like our own but hate everyone elses.

By Homer Simpson

Ooooh. So they have the internet on computers now!

By Homer Simpson

Well kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

By Homer Simpson

When you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

By Homer Simpson

No one gets into heaven without a glowstick!

By Homer Simpson

Now I know I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!

By Homer Simpson

So what are you going to do? Release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark they shoot bees at you?

By Homer Simpson

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

By Homer Simpson

I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun!

By Homer Simpson

I just wish some one would call me 'sir'... without adding 'you're making a scene'.

By Homer Simpson

Can't talk, must eat.

By Homer Simpson

From now on Honey, we'll be spelling everything with letters.

By Homer Simpson

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life's problems

By Homer Simpson

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

By Homer Simpson

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle! They're on TV!

By Homer Simpson

When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy

By Homer Simpson

What is a wedding? Webster's dictionary defines a wedding as 'the process of removing weeds from one's garden.' by

By Homer Simpson

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel

By Homer Simpson

To alchohol, the cause of and solution to all life's problems

By Homer Simpson

Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a qtip.

By Homer Simpson

Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use

By Homer Simpson

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers.

By Homer Simpson

Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively

By Homer Simpson

Lisa: Why are you dedicating your life to blasphemy? Homer: Don't worry, sweetheart. If I'm wrong, I'll recant on my deathbed.

By Homer Simpson

Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk

By Homer Simpson

Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening

By Homer Simpson

It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

By Homer Simpson

In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

By Homer Simpson

If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

By Homer Simpson

If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat? by

By Homer Simpson