Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
By Groucho Marx
Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows--marriage does.
By Groucho Marx
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies
By Groucho Marx
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
By Groucho Marx
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
By Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read
By Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
By Groucho Marx
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men. The other 999 follow women
By Groucho Marx
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
By Groucho Marx
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
By Groucho Marx
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
By Groucho Marx
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
By Groucho Marx
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
By Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
By Groucho Marx
Love goes out the door when money comes innuendo.
By Groucho Marx
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
By Groucho Marx
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.
By Groucho Marx
If i cannot smoke in heaven, then i shall not go.
By Groucho Marx
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
By Groucho Marx
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it
By Groucho Marx
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
By Groucho Marx
I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
By Groucho Marx
I would not join any club that would have someone like me for a member
By Groucho Marx
I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.
By Groucho Marx
I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.
By Groucho Marx
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception
By Groucho Marx
I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
By Groucho Marx
I have nothing but confidence in you. And very little of that.
By Groucho Marx
