Prince Humperdinck : [ blooper reel ] "My people! A month from now... I've forgotten my line!"

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Inigo Montoya : Let's go.
Fezzik : Where?
Inigo Montoya : Find the man in black obviously.
Fezzik : But don't you know where he is.
Inigo Montoya : Don't bother me with trifles. After 20 years, at last my father's soul will be at peace. There will be blood tonight!

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The King : [ after a tender kiss from Buttercup ] What was that for?
Buttercup : Because you've always been so kind to me, and I'll never see you again, because I'm killing myself as soon as we reach the Bridal Suite.
The King : Won't that be nice? [ Pointing ]
The King : She kissed me! Ha!

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Inigo Montoya : Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. [ Inigo still stumbles and holds his stomach. The Count and Inigo exchange attacks ]
Inigo Montoya : Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. [ Inigo gains strength. He fiercely lunges at Count Rugen. Yelling ]
Inigo Montoya : Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!
Count Rugen : [ frightened and angry ] Stop saying that! [ Inigo nips Rugen ]
Inigo Montoya : [ enraged ] Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die! [ Inigo corners Count Rugen and slashes his cheek ]
Inigo Montoya : Offer me money! [ He slashes his other cheek ]
Count Rugen : All that I have and more. Please...
Inigo Montoya : Offer me anything I ask for.
Count Rugen : Anything you want... [ Count Rugen tries a quick move on Inigo ]
Inigo Montoya : [ plunging his sword into Rugen's chest ] I want my father back, you son of a bitch! [ Count Rugen falls to the floor, dead. Inigo runs off to find Wesley ]

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Grandpa : [ reading to his grandson ] Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. The end.

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Prince Humperdinck : My father's final words were...
The Grandson : [ interrupting ] Hold it! Hold it, Grandpa!

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Prince Humperdinck : First things first, to the death.
Westley : No. To the pain.
Prince Humperdinck : I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
Westley : I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.
Prince Humperdinck : That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
Westley : It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.
Prince Humperdinck : And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.
Westley : I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.
Prince Humperdinck : And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it.
Westley : WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
Prince Humperdinck : I think you're bluffing.
Westley : It's possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again... perhaps I have the strength after all. [ slowly rises and points sword directly at the prince ]
Westley : DROP... YOUR... SWORD!
Prince Humperdinck : [ Humperdinck's mouth hangs open, drops sword to floor ]

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Westley : Who are you? Are we enemies? Where's Buttercup?
Inigo Montoya : Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marry Humperdink in little less then half an hour so all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape, after I kill count Rugen.
Westley : That doesn't leave much time for dilly-dally.
Fezzik : You just wiggled your finger. That's wonderful!
Westley : I've always been a quick healer.

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Buttercup : Westley. Oh, Westley darling! [ Buttercup kisses Westley passionately ]
Buttercup : Westley, why won't you hold me?
Westley : Gently.
Buttercup : At a time like this, that's all you can think to say. Gently? [ Buttercup continues kissing Westley and lifts up his head ]
Westley : Gently! [ Westely's head falls and he winces ]
Westley : Ughhhh!

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Inigo Montoya : There will be blood tonight!

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Prince Humperdinck : You truly love each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the storybooks say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.

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Inigo Montoya : Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. [ Inigo advances on Rugen, but stumbles into the table with sudden pain. Rugen attacks, but Inigo parries and rises to his feet again ]
Inigo Montoya : Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. [ Rugen attacks again, Inigo parries more fiercely, gaining strength ]
Inigo Montoya : Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!
Count Rugen : Stop saying that! [ Rugen attacks, twice. Inigo avoids and wounds Rugen in both shoulders, the same spots where he wounded Inigo. Inigo attacks, bellowing: ]
Inigo Montoya : HELLO! MY NAME IS INIGO MONTOYA! YOU KILLED MY FATHER! PREPARE TO DIE! [ Inigo corners Count Rugen, knocks his sword aside, and slashes his cheek, giving him a scar just like Inigo's ]
Inigo Montoya : Offer me money.
Count Rugen : Yes!
Inigo Montoya : Power, too, promise me that. [ He slashes his other cheek ]
Count Rugen : All that I have and more. Please...
Inigo Montoya : Offer me anything I ask for.
Count Rugen : Anything you want... [ Rugen knocks Inigo's sword aside and lunges. But Inigo traps his arm and aims his sword at Rugen's stomach ]
Inigo Montoya : I want my father back, you son of a bitch! [ He runs Count Rugen through and shoves him back against the table. Rugen falls to the floor, dead ]

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Buttercup : Oh, Wesley, will you ever forgive me?
Westley : What hideous sin have you committed lately?

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Inigo Montoya : [ drunk ] I do not budge; keep your "ho there".

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Prince Humperdinck : Please consider me as an alternative to suicide.

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Vizzini : Oh! The sot has spoken!

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Buttercup : You mocked me once, never do it again! I died that day!

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Prince Humperdinck : You truly love each other and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the story books say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.

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Vizzini : We'll head straight for the Gilder frontier. You catch up with us there. If he falls, fine. If not, the sword.
Inigo Montoya : I'm going to duel him left-handed.
Vizzini : You know what a hurry we're in!
Inigo Montoya : Well, is only way I can be satisfied. If I use my right... over too quickly.
Vizzini : [ exasperated ] Oh, have it your way.

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Man in Black : That was a warning, Highness. Next time my hand flies on its own. Where I come from, there are penalties when a woman lies.

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The King : Strange wedding.
The Queen : Yes. Very strange wedding. Come along.

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Grandpa : Westley didn't reach his destination. His ship was attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who never left captives alive. When Buttercup got the news that Westley was murdered...
The Grandson : -Murdered by pirates is good...

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[ after Inigo pulls the Man in Black to the top ]
Man in Black : Thank you. [ He begins to draw his sword, but Inigo motions him to stop ]
Inigo Montoya : We'll wait until you are ready.
Man in Black : [ sheathes sword ] Again, thank you.

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Fezzik : I fight gangs for local charities and stuff.

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Miracle Max : Have fun storming the castle!

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Westley : [ to Buttercup as they run towards the Fire Swamp ] Ha, your pig fiance is too late!

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Valerie : Ever since Prince Humperdinck fired him, his confidence has been shattered.
Miracle Max : Why'd you say that name? You promised me you would never say that name!
Valerie : What, Humperdinck?
Miracle Max : Aahaahh!
Valerie : Humperdinck! Humperdinck! Humperdinck!
Miracle Max : I'm not listening!

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Westley : You warthog-faced buffoon.

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Yellin : [ inside the Thieves' Forest ] Is everybody out?
The Assistant Brute : Almost. There's a Spaniard giving us some trouble.
Yellin : Well you give HIM some trouble. Move.

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Inigo Montoya : Where is the Man in Black? [ the Albino doesn't answer ]
Inigo Montoya : Fezzik, jog his memory.
Fezzik : [ Fezzik strikes the Albino so hard it knocks him out ] Sorry, Inigo. I didn't mean to jog him so hard.

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Grandpa : It was ten days to the wedding. The King still lived, but Buttercup's nightmares were growing steadily worse.
The Grandson : See didn't I tell you she'd never marry that rotten Humperdinck.
Grandpa : Yes you're very smart. Shut up.

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Westley : Where am I?
The Albino : [ raspy voice ] The Pit of Despair! Don't even think... [ clears throat ]
The Albino : ... don't even think about trying to escape. The chains are far too thick. Don't dream of being rescued, either; the only way in is secret. Only the Prince, the Count, and I know how to get in and out.
Westley : So I'm here till I die?
The Albino : Until they kill you, yeah.
Westley : Then why bother curing me?
The Albino : Well, the Prince and Count always insist on everyone being healthy before they're broken.
Westley : So it's to be torture?
The Albino : [ nods enthusiastically ]
Westley : I can cope with torture.
The Albino : [ shakes head enthusiastically ]
Westley : Don't believe me?
The Albino : You survived the Fire Swamp, so you must be very brave, but no one withstands The Machine.

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[ first lines ]
The Mother : Hi, honey.
The Grandson : Hi, Mom.

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Fezzik : [ pretending to be the Dread Pirate Roberts ] My men are here! I am here! But soon *you* will not be here!

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Westley : Roberts had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. He took me to his cabin and he told me his secret. 'I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts' he said. 'My name is Ryan; I inherited the ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from is not the real Dread Pirate Roberts either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Roberts has been retired 15 years and living like a king in Patagonia.'

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Dread Pirate Roberts : Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.

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Fezzik : You just shook your head... doesn't that make you happy?
Westley : My brains, his steel, and your strength against sixty men, and you think a little head-jiggle is supposed to make me happy?

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Inigo Montoya : That's a miracle pill?
Valerie : The chocolate coating makes it go down easier. But you have to wait fifteen minutes for full potency. And you shouldn't go in swimming after, for at least, what?

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Grandpa : And as they reached for each other... [ stops reading ]
The Grandson : What? What?
Grandpa : Ah, it's kissing again. You don't want to hear that.
The Grandson : I don't mind so much.
Grandpa : Oh, okay. [ keeps reading ]

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[ about to sic his lackeys on Fezzik, Inigo and Westley ]
Count Rugen : Kill the giant and the dark one, leave the third for questioning.

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[ after being beaten by the Man in Black ]
Inigo Montoya : Kill me quickly.
Man in Black : I would sooner destroy a stained glass window than an artist like yourself. However, since I can't have you follow me either... [ knocks him out ]
Man in Black : Please understand I hold you in the highest respect.

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Inigo Montoya : But this is Buttercup's true love - If you heal him, he will stop Humperdinck's wedding.
Miracle Max : Wait. Wait. I make him better, Humperdinck suffers?
Inigo Montoya : Humiliations galore!
Miracle Max : That is a noble cause. Give me the sixty-five, I'm on the job.

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[ after defeating Fezzik, who lays on the ground unconscious ]
Man in Black : I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But for now, rest well and dream of large women.

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Miracle Max : He probably owes you money huh? I'll ask him.
Inigo Montoya : He's dead. He can't talk.
Miracle Max : Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.
Inigo Montoya : What's that?
Miracle Max : Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

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Miracle Max : [ Lifts and drops the arm of the dead Westley ] I've seen worse.

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[ Inigo tells Westley about his pursuit of the six-fingered man ]
Man in Black : You've done nothing but study swordplay?
Inigo Montoya : More pursuing than studying, lately. You see, I cannot find him. It's been twenty years now. I'm starting to lose confidence.

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Count Rugen : You must be that little Spanish brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. You've been chasing me your whole life only to fail now? I think that's about the worst thing I've ever heard. [ pause ]
Count Rugen : How marvelous.

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Miracle Max : You got any money?
Inigo Montoya : Sixty-five.
Miracle Max : I've never worked for so little. Except once, and that was a very noble cause.
Inigo Montoya : This is noble, sir. His wife is... crippled. His children are on the brink of starvation.
Miracle Max : Are you a rotten liar.
Inigo Montoya : I need him to help avenge my father, murdered these twenty years.
Miracle Max : Your first story was better.

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Inigo Montoya : Is very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.
Westley : Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts.

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Grandpa : Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. The End.

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[ Buttercup and Westley have just entered the Fire Swamp ]
Westley : [ looking around ] It's not that bad. [ Buttercup stares unbelievingly at him ]
Westley : Well, I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely.

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The Grandson : They're kissing again. Do we have to read the kissing parts?

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Fezzik : Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid, or something like that?
Man in Black : Oh no, it's just that they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.

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Inigo Montoya : I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge.

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Buttercup : You're the Dread Pirate Roberts, admit it.
Man in Black : With pride. What can I do for you?
Buttercup : You can die slowly, cut into a thousand pieces.
Man in Black : Tsk, tsk. That's hardly complementary Highness. Why loose your venom on me?
Buttercup : You killed my love.
Man in Black : It's possible. I kill a lot of people.

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Buttercup : You can die too for all I care. [ pushes him down a high hill ]
Man in Black : AS... YOU... WISH.
Buttercup : [ realizes Man in Black is Westley ] Oh my sweet Westley what have I done. [ throws herself down the hill ]

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Vizzini : You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen.

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The Impressive Clergyman : Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam... [ cut to Westley, Inigo, and Fezzik ]
The Impressive Clergyman : And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva... [ cut to the trio again ]
The Impressive Clergyman : So tweasure your wuv.
Prince Humperdinck : Skip to the end.
The Impressive Clergyman : Have you the wing? [ cut to the trio once more ]
The Impressive Clergyman : ...and do you,Pwincess Buwwercup...
Prince Humperdinck : Man and wife. Say man and wife.
The Impressive Clergyman : Man an' wife.

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Inigo Montoya : But, I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top.
Man in Black : That's VERY comforting, but I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.
Inigo Montoya : I hate waiting. I could give you my word as a Spaniard.
Man in Black : No good. I've known too many Spaniards.
Inigo Montoya : Isn't there any way you trust me?
Man in Black : Nothing comes to mind.
Inigo Montoya : I swear on the soul of my father, Domingo Montoya, you will reach the top alive.
Man in Black : Throw me the rope.

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Westley : No one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley.

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Prince Humperdinck : She is alive, or was an hour ago. If she is otherwise when I find her I shall be very put out.

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Buttercup : If you'll release me whatever you ask for ransom, you'll get it I promise you.
Man in Black : [ laughs ] And what is that worth, the promise of a woman? You're very funny Highness.

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Westley : Can you move at all?
Buttercup : Move? You're alive. If you want I can fly.

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The Ancient Booer : Boo. Boo. Boo.
Buttercup : Why do you do this?
The Ancient Booer : Because you had love in your hands, and you gave it up.
Buttercup : But they would have killed Westley if I hadn't done it.
The Ancient Booer : Your true love lives. And you marry another. True Love saved her in the Fire Swamp, and she treated it like garbage. And that's what she is, the Queen of Refuse. So bow down to her if you want, bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo.

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Vizzini : Finish him. Finish him, your way.
Fezzik : Oh good, my way. Thank you Vizzini... what's my way?
Vizzini : Pick up one of those rocks, get behind a boulder, in a few minutes the man in black will come running around the bend, the minute his head is in view, hit it with the rock.
Fezzik : My way's not very sportsman-like.

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Inigo Montoya : - I - am - waiting - for - Vizzini...
Fezzik : You surely are a meanie.
Fezzik : [ Inigo looks at him ] Hello.
Inigo Montoya : It's you.
Fezzik : True!

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Inigo Montoya : You know, Fezzik, you finally did something right.
Fezzik : Don't worry, I won't let it go to my head.

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Miracle Max : Go away or I'll call the Brute Squad.
Fezzik : I'm on the Brute Squad.
Miracle Max : [ sees Fezzik ] You *are* the Brute Squad!

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Miracle Max : Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe [ smacks his lips ]
Miracle Max : they're so perky, I love that.

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[ last lines ]
The Grandson : Grandpa, maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow.
Grandpa : As you wish.

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[ as Buttercup prepares to commit suicide with a dagger ]
Westley : There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.

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Inigo Montoya : My father was slaughtered by a six-fingered man. He was a great swordmaker, my father. When the six-fingered man appeared and requested a special sword. My father took the job. He slaved a year before it was done. [ Shows the Man in Black the sword ]
Man in Black : I've never seen its equal.
Inigo Montoya : The six-fingered man returned and demanded it, but at one tenth his promised price, my father refused. Without a word, the six-fingered man slashed him through the heart. I loved my father. So naturally, I challenged his murderer to a duel. I failed. The six-fingered man left me alive, but he gave me these. [ strokes the scars on his cheeks ]
Man in Black : How old were you?
Inigo Montoya : I was eleven years old. And when I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing. So the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

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[ repeated line ]
Inigo Montoya : Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

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Westley : Give us the gate key.
Yellin : I have no gate key.
Inigo Montoya : Fezzik, tear his arms off.
Yellin : Oh, you mean *this* gate key.

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Westley : I mean, if we only had a wheelbarrow, that would be something.
Inigo Montoya : Where we did we put that wheelbarrow the albino had?
Fezzik : Over the albino, I think.
Westley : Well, why didn't you list that among our assets in the first place?

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Westley : Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where is Buttercup?
Inigo Montoya : Let me 'splain. [ pause ]
Inigo Montoya : No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marry' Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape... after I kill Count Rugen.
Westley : That doesn't leave much time for dilly-dallying.
Fezzik : You just wiggled your finger. That's wonderful.
Westley : I've always been a quick healer. What are our liabilities?
Inigo Montoya : There is but one working castle gate, and... and it is guarded by 60 men.
Westley : And our assets?
Inigo Montoya : Your brains, Fezzik's strength, my steel.

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Miracle Max : Have fun stormin' da castle.
Valerie : Think it'll work?
Miracle Max : It would take a miracle.

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Miracle Max : Get back, witch.
Valerie : I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that any more.

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Inigo Montoya : Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those years?
Miracle Max : The King's stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed.

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[ hearing the scream of Westley as he is being tortured ]
Inigo Montoya : Do you hear that, Fezzik? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when the six-fingered man killed my father. The Man in Black makes it now.

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Buttercup : You can't hurt me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords.

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Prince Humperdinck : Surrender.
Westley : You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.

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[ after Westley rescues her from the lightning quicksand ]
Buttercup : We'll never succeed. We may as well die here.
Westley : No, no. We have already succeeded. I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One, the flame spurt - no problem. There's a popping sound preceding each; we can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand, which you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too.
Buttercup : Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?
Westley : Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist. [ Immediately, an R.O.U.S. attacks him ]

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Buttercup : We'll never survive.
Westley : Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.

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Buttercup : You mock my pain.
Man in Black : Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

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Vizzini : I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.
Man in Black : You're that smart?
Vizzini : Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
Man in Black : Yes.
Vizzini : Morons.

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Fezzik : We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.
Man in Black : You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?
Fezzik : [ brandishing rock ] I could kill you now.
Man in Black : Frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting.
Fezzik : It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.

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Man in Black : I challenge you to a battle of wits.
Vizzini : For the Princess?
Man in Black : [ nods ]
Vizzini : To the death?
Man in Black : [ nods ]
Vizzini : I accept!

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Man in Black : All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right... and who is dead.
Vizzini : But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black : You've made your decision then?
Vizzini : Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
Man in Black : Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
Vizzini : Wait till I get going! Now, where was I?
Man in Black : Australia.
Vizzini : Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black : You're just stalling now.
Vizzini : You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black : You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.
Vizzini : IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!
Man in Black : Then make your choice.
Vizzini : I will, and I choose - What in the world can that be?
Man in Black : [ Vizzini gestures up and away from the table. Roberts looks. Vizzini swaps the goblets ]
Man in Black : What? Where? I don't see anything.
Vizzini : Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.
Man in Black, Vizzini : [ Vizzini and the Man in Black drink ]
Man in Black : You guessed wrong.
Vizzini : You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - The most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line"! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...
Vizzini : [ Vizzini stops suddenly, his smile frozen on his face and falls to the ground dead ]
Buttercup : And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.
Man in Black : They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.

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Inigo Montoya : Who are you?
Man in Black : No one of consequence.
Inigo Montoya : I must know...
Man in Black : Get used to disappointment.
Inigo Montoya : 'kay.

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[ fencing ]
Inigo Montoya : You are wonderful.
Man in Black : Thank you; I've worked hard to become so.
Inigo Montoya : I admit it, you are better than I am.
Man in Black : Then why are you smiling?
Inigo Montoya : Because I know something you don't know.
Man in Black : And what is that?
Inigo Montoya : I... am not left-handed. [ Moves his sword to his right hand and gains an advantage ]
Man in Black : You are amazing.
Inigo Montoya : I ought to be, after 20 years.
Man in Black : Oh, there's something I ought to tell you.
Inigo Montoya : Tell me.
Man in Black : I'm not left-handed either. [ Moves his sword to his right hand and regains his advantage ]

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Count Rugen : Your princess is quite a winning creature. A trifle simple, perhaps. Her appeal is undeniable.
Prince Humperdinck : I know, the people are quite taken with her. It's odd, but when I hired Vizzini to have her murdered on our engagement day, I thought that was clever. But it's going to be so much more moving when I strangle her on our wedding night. Once Guilder is blamed, the nation will truly be outraged - they'll demand we go to war.
Count Rugen : [ snickers, then examines a huge tree ] Now where is that secret knot? It's impossible to find... [ he finds it and the tree opens to reveal a hidden passage ]
Count Rugen : Ah. Are you coming down into the pit? Wesley's got his strength back. I'm starting him on the machine tonight.
Prince Humperdinck : [ sincerely ] Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I'm swamped.
Count Rugen : Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, then you haven't got anything.

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Count Rugen : [ admiring his torture contraption ] Beautiful isn't it? It took me half a lifetime to invent it. I'm sure you've discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain. Presently I'm writing the definitive work on the subject, so I want you to be totally honest with me on how the machine makes you feel. This being our first try, I'll use the lowest setting. [ Count Rugen activates the water powered torture machine. Wesley writhes in great pain ]
Count Rugen : [ calmly ] As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Really that's all this is except that instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I've just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don't know what that would do to you. So, let's just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity so be honest. How do you feel? [ Wesley cries and moans in pain ]
Count Rugen : Interesting.

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Inigo Montoya : [ Both characters are engaged in a sword fight ] You are using Bonetti's Defense against me, ah?
Man in Black : I thought it fitting considering the rocky terrain.
Inigo Montoya : Naturally, you must suspect me to attack with Capa Ferro?
Man in Black : Naturally... but I find that Thibault cancels out Capa Ferro. Don't you?
Inigo Montoya : Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa... which I have.

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Inigo Montoya : Hello there. Slow going?
Man in Black : Look, I don't mean to be rude but this is not as easy as it looks, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me.
Inigo Montoya : [ apologetic ] Sorry.
Man in Black : Thank you.

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Westley : [ planning a strategy ] Oh, what I wouldn't give for a holocaust cloak.
Inigo Montoya : There, we cannot help you.
Fezzik : [ produces a holocaust cloak ] Will this do?
Inigo Montoya : Where did you get that?
Fezzik : At Miracle Max's. It fits so nice, he said I could keep it.

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Fezzik : Inigo?
Inigo Montoya : What?
Fezzik : I hope we win.

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Inigo Montoya : Where is this Count Rugen now, 'ccause I'mma kill him?
Fezzik : He's in the castle with the prince. But the castle gate is guarded by thirty men.
Inigo Montoya : [ angrily kicks a stool, then calms down ] How may do you think you could handle?
Fezzik : I don't think more than ten.

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Westley : Why won't my arms move?
Fezzik : You've been mostly-dead all day.

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Fezzik : [ to Inigo regarding the man in black ] You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted.

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