Neighbors Quotes
Jerry: The guy's practically my best friend...
Terri: Oh, don't even ****ing use that! Alright? Best friend? That is bull****! Try saying friend when you're down there lapping between his wife's legs. See how it sounds then.
Terri: Oh, don't even ****ing use that! Alright? Best friend? That is bull****! Try saying friend when you're down there lapping between his wife's legs. See how it sounds then.
Movie: Neighbors
Jerry: What do these characters all have in common? They all want to... ****! It's always about ****ing.
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Mary: Life is complicated. It's a funny world. People can't communicate. And you couldn't keep your erection.
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Melanie McGowan: Other houses have M&M's, we stock up with Smarties. It's like living at the duty free-shop at Heathrow.
Movie: Neighbors
Pa Greavy: Well, I hear you got a whore in there.
Earl Keese: Who told you that?
Pa Greavy: That's what I heard.
Earl Keese: Well, you heard wrong.
Pa Greavy: You ain't got a whore in there?
Earl Keese: No.
Pa Greavy: Wouldn't know where I could find one?
Earl Keese: Of course not!
Pa Greavy: One shows up, let me know?
Earl Keese: Who told you that?
Pa Greavy: That's what I heard.
Earl Keese: Well, you heard wrong.
Pa Greavy: You ain't got a whore in there?
Earl Keese: No.
Pa Greavy: Wouldn't know where I could find one?
Earl Keese: Of course not!
Pa Greavy: One shows up, let me know?
Movie: Neighbors
Pazuzu: [during a panic-striking moment] And freeze time!
[time stops]
Pazuzu: Right now, stop it! Stop it all of you! Balthazor, Tina's doin' her best to Snorfin.
[points to Marjoe]
Pazuzu: She spent the day with this maroon on the floor. If you don't think that's snorfin, then you wouldn't know what snorfin is, if it sat on your face with a name-tag that says "Hello, My name is Snorfin." And Tina, give Balthazor a freakin' break! He busts his berklarks for this family, all he wants to do is make a better life for you and the kids. Plus punishing the undeserving is not the way of the demon!
[Chevdet pukes]
Pazuzu: Aw, come on guy, this is JV. Alright, if we all want to get back home, we have to help Balthazor succeed as a family. That means Josh, re-animate Scrambles.
[Josh puts lightning Bolts on Umcle Vlaartark's chest, and pukes up Scrambles]
Pazuzu: And Mandy, erase the memories of these train-wrecks on the floor.
[Mandy does so]
Pazuzu: Remember, we are demons! and we have a job to do, so sack up! You got it? And unfreeze time.
[time stops]
Pazuzu: Right now, stop it! Stop it all of you! Balthazor, Tina's doin' her best to Snorfin.
[points to Marjoe]
Pazuzu: She spent the day with this maroon on the floor. If you don't think that's snorfin, then you wouldn't know what snorfin is, if it sat on your face with a name-tag that says "Hello, My name is Snorfin." And Tina, give Balthazor a freakin' break! He busts his berklarks for this family, all he wants to do is make a better life for you and the kids. Plus punishing the undeserving is not the way of the demon!
[Chevdet pukes]
Pazuzu: Aw, come on guy, this is JV. Alright, if we all want to get back home, we have to help Balthazor succeed as a family. That means Josh, re-animate Scrambles.
[Josh puts lightning Bolts on Umcle Vlaartark's chest, and pukes up Scrambles]
Pazuzu: And Mandy, erase the memories of these train-wrecks on the floor.
[Mandy does so]
Pazuzu: Remember, we are demons! and we have a job to do, so sack up! You got it? And unfreeze time.
Movie: Neighbors
Peter McGowan: Hollywood doesn't want writers, so much as secretaries with a flare for dialogue. If you want to be happy in Hollywood, be a cinematographer. Nobody knows what you're doing, so they can't screw with you.
Movie: Neighbors
Peter McGowen: ...but maybe that's everything in writing - a catchy title.
Debra Salhany: So is that why you decided to call your first novel How to Kill Your Neighbor's Dog?
Peter McGowen: Oh, that isn't mere affectation. That's a practical guidebook full of juicy bits on suburban terrorism.
Debra Salhany: ...but, uh, what if somebody reads this and goes out and kills their neighbor's dog?
Peter McGowen: Oh, well, what are you gonna do?
Debra Salhany: So is that why you decided to call your first novel How to Kill Your Neighbor's Dog?
Peter McGowen: Oh, that isn't mere affectation. That's a practical guidebook full of juicy bits on suburban terrorism.
Debra Salhany: ...but, uh, what if somebody reads this and goes out and kills their neighbor's dog?
Peter McGowen: Oh, well, what are you gonna do?
Movie: Neighbors
Ramona: He tried to pork me.
Earl Keese: Pork you? What?
Ramona: You know you did.
Earl Keese: I swear, I never touched her.
Ramona: Well, I wasn't born with your hand in my bush.
Earl Keese: Enid... help me.
Earl Keese: Pork you? What?
Ramona: You know you did.
Earl Keese: I swear, I never touched her.
Ramona: Well, I wasn't born with your hand in my bush.
Earl Keese: Enid... help me.
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Ramona: Now, I'm just going to go under the covers and take a little inventory. Promise you won't go away.
Earl Keese: You're really wonderful!
Ramona: That's what I've been trying to tell you. Is it so hard having your fantasies come to life?
Earl Keese: You're really wonderful!
Ramona: That's what I've been trying to tell you. Is it so hard having your fantasies come to life?
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Ramona: Now, I'm just going to go under the covers and take a little inventory. Promise you won't go away.
Earl Keese: You're really wonderful!
Ramona: That's what I've been trying to tell you. Is it so hard having your fantasies come to life?
Earl Keese: You're really wonderful!
Ramona: That's what I've been trying to tell you. Is it so hard having your fantasies come to life?
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Terri: I don't get you at all. I mean, always with the goddamn semiotics. It's a gift. Can't it just be what it is? It's a bracelet. ****.
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Terri: It's over. Thanks so much, it was lovely. I'll get the rest of my stuff later.
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Uncle Vlaartark: Wait a tick. If you all go to Earth, What becomes of the Goblin and moi?
Pazuzu: You ain't leavin' this behind! because when it comes to this family, I'm the muscle!
Pazuzu: You ain't leavin' this behind! because when it comes to this family, I'm the muscle!
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Vic: [aiming a shotgun at Earl] Now you take back that cup you keep switching, Earl. Or it'll be pump city.
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Vic: Believe me, I know women - upside down and backwards, which is not a bad way to know 'em, huh?
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Vic: Stay here on the outer limits of the dead end zone? Nothing personal, but life at the end of the road just ain't for Captain Vic and Empress Ramona. Sorry folks, but you can color us gone.
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Vic: We haven't any children, unless Ramona just pumped one out and didn't tell me about it.
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Vic: Well, I can think of a problem that's a good deal more important and you, as a parent, are ignoring it completely.
Earl Keese: What?
Vic: What is Elaine doing about sex? Is she getting probed?
Earl Keese: [throws coffee at Vic]
Vic: That was very foolish, Earl. And it could get ya' snuffed!
Earl Keese: What?
Vic: What is Elaine doing about sex? Is she getting probed?
Earl Keese: [throws coffee at Vic]
Vic: That was very foolish, Earl. And it could get ya' snuffed!
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Vic: We're waiting, or do I have to pound it out of you?
Earl Keese: Don't ever speak to me like that in my own house!
Vic: Why would I?
Earl Keese: You just did.
Vic: I didn't mean anything - it's just something a guy says.
Earl Keese: I never say it.
Vic: I don't blame you.
Earl Keese: Don't ever speak to me like that in my own house!
Vic: Why would I?
Earl Keese: You just did.
Vic: I didn't mean anything - it's just something a guy says.
Earl Keese: I never say it.
Vic: I don't blame you.
Movie: Neighbors
Wilma Flintstone: Who bought the lot next door?
Fred Flintstone: Who? The creeps that live in a creepy house like that, that's who.
Barney Rubble: Aw, cheer up, Fred. It could've been worse.
Fred Flintstone: How? What do you mean?
Barney Rubble: They could've moved next door to *me*.
[he laughs]
Fred Flintstone: Who? The creeps that live in a creepy house like that, that's who.
Barney Rubble: Aw, cheer up, Fred. It could've been worse.
Fred Flintstone: How? What do you mean?
Barney Rubble: They could've moved next door to *me*.
[he laughs]
Movie: Neighbors
Debra Salhany: So, how did you meet your wife?
Peter McGowan: She was a lap dancer, I had a pocket full of singles... No, she was a dancer. For a brief period, she gave acting a try. She came in for an audition, and the rest as they say is histrionics.
Debra Salhany: So, you employed the casting couch?
Peter McGowan: Hey, whatever works. You know that, Deborah.
Peter McGowan: She was a lap dancer, I had a pocket full of singles... No, she was a dancer. For a brief period, she gave acting a try. She came in for an audition, and the rest as they say is histrionics.
Debra Salhany: So, you employed the casting couch?
Peter McGowan: Hey, whatever works. You know that, Deborah.
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Debra Salhany: Thanks for sticking around, Peter.
Peter McGowan: Thanks for letting me be sticky, Debbie.
Peter McGowan: Thanks for letting me be sticky, Debbie.
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Enid Keese: Vic, what did you say is in a pile driver?
Vic: Italian Galliano for passion, Irish Mist for love and Russian vodka for endurance.
Vic: Italian Galliano for passion, Irish Mist for love and Russian vodka for endurance.
Movie: Neighbors