Shaggy: [after Scooby-Doo pierces a pin on the back of a Shaggy-like voodoo doll] Yeow! I've been voodooed!
Fred: Hold it, Shaggy. All you did was back into this fork.
Bubbles: Boys, my legs are all jankity-janked.
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: [Festus offers to buy Doc a beer with a silver dollar that he earned from shoeing horses in episode "Whelan's Men".] Why don't you take that money and invest it in something? Why don't you do that?
Festus Haggen: Invest it in what?
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: There's wonderful land values outside of Dodge. Now why don't you go out there someplace, look around, and buy yourself a lot?
Festus Haggen: A lot of what?
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: A lot! A lot of land!
Festus Haggen: Well fiddle, I can't afford to buy a lot of land. You probably could the way you've been a bilking and gouging...
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: Oh, hush up! I'm trying to help you, for heaven sakes. It don't cost a whole lot to buy a little lot.
Festus Haggen: What do you mean it don't cost a whole lot to buy a little, or a whole lot to buy a lot, what do you mean?
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: Well, I mean,... a little lot of land!
Festus Haggen: But there ain't no such a thing. A little's a little, and a lot's a lot, there ain't no little lot, or lot of little, don't you see? Now you want that beer or don't you?
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: No I'm... I'm all worn out.
Festus Haggen: [and as Doc walks away Festus Hollers] If you change your mind me and Newly will be over at the Longbranch having a whole lot of little beers. [Chuckles and flips his silver dollar]
Festus Haggen: Now I'm buying.
Colin: We'll be right back to Happy Waldo and the Salty Monkey, but first, have we got a deal for you!
Ryan: Yes, we have, Colin. You know, songs of garbage have made people happy throughout the world for years and years. And nowhere do they love their songs of garbage more than in Jamaica, a little country down south.
I consider myself quite a fugal frella. But sometimes I....[Brad cracks up, followed by Colin and Ryan] Shut up! Keep on going!
Brady Jensen: [angrily to Erica] You're not a journalist--you're a jackal!
Bob Eubanks: Making whoopie!
but I play one on TV.: I'm not a doctor
Tattoo: De plane! De plane!
Felix Unger: Never assume...
Fred Flintstone: Yabba dabba do!
The Father: What did he show you?
Anakin: I have seen what I become...and I cannot let that happen!
The Father: And for this, you join him?! Your destiny can change as quickly as the love in one's heart can fade. Nothing is set in stone!
Anakin: But I will cause so much pain...
Jane Curtin and Dan Aykroyd: Jane, you ignorant slut.
David Banner: Don't make me angry...
Tommy Smothers: Mom always liked you best.
Scooby Doo: ... if it weren't for you meddling kids!
Jim McKay: The thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat.
Maude: God'll get you for that.
et al: Come on down! , Johnny Olson
Fat Albert: Hey, hey, hey!
Homey the Clown: Homey don't play that!
Spock: Live long and prosper.
Cosmo Kramer: You're becoming one of the glitterati.
George Costanza: What's that?
Cosmo Kramer: People who glitter.
Eddie Haskell: Gee, Mrs. Cleaver...
Regis Philbin: Is that your final answer?
Jon Stewart: Here it is, your moment of Zen.
Guy: Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?
Fred Sanford: Elizabeth, I'm coming!
Jackie Gleason: How sweet it is!
Charlie Brown: Good grief.
Hannibal: I love it when a plan comes together.
Steve McGarrett: Book 'em, Danno.
Robot: Danger, Will Robinson!
Columbo: Just one more thing...
Ed McMahon: Here's Johnny!
Dwayne Nelson: Hey, hey, hey!
Denny Crane: Denny Crane.
Walter Cronkite: And that's the way it is.
Joey Tribbiani: How you doin'?
Sgt. Schultz: I know nothing!
The Honeymooners: Baby, you're the greatest.
Larry: I'm Larry, this is my brother Darryl, this is my other brother Darryl.
Edward R. Murrow: Good night and good luck.
Tony Stark: [After seeing the gold 3-D render of his suit] A little ostentatious, don't you think?
Jarvis: [dripping with sarcasm] What was I thinking? You're usually so discreet.
Tony Stark: Tell you what. Throw a little hot-rod red in there.
Jarvis: Oh yes. That should help you keep a low profile. [seconds later] The render is complete.
Tony Stark: [upon seeing the new render] Hey, I like it. Fabricate it, paint it.
Jarvis: Beginning automated assembly. Estimated completion time is five hours.
Tony Stark: Don't wait up for me, honey.
Esteban: Hep, Hep.
Dr. Kelly Brackett: Start an IV, 51... D5W TKO!
[After end-credits. Tony reaches home]
Tony Stark: Jarvis.
Jarvis : [distorted] Welcome home, Sir. [Jarvis cuts out]
[Tony notices a figure by the window looking outside]
Unknown Man: "I am Iron Man." Think you're the only superhero in the world? Mr. Stark, you've become part of a bigger universe. You just don't know it yet.
Stark : Who the hell are you?
[The man faces Tony as he walks into the light]
Fury : Nick Fury, director of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Stark: [nonchalantly] Ah.
Fury : I'm here to talk to you about the Avenger Initiative.
Robin: Holy ______ Batman!
Sgt. Esterhaus: Let's be careful out there.
Ed Sullivan: We've got a really big show!
Mr. Lager: Well , we've discussed this, here's the feeling: You got a greeting, starts with an H, how's twenty bucks sound?
Cosmo Kramer: I'll take it.
Mr. Lager: Awright, sir
Edgar: Now there's something you don't see every day, Chauncey.
Chauncey: What's that, Edgar?
Beavis & Butthead: Heh heh...
Milosh: Another point for Milosh!
Fearless Leader: Where is that nincompoop Badenov? Who is this?
Boris Badenov: Nincompoop!
Mel Profitt: Only the toes knows.
Jan Brady: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!
Aldon Benes: Which one's supposed to be the funny guy?
George Costanza: [pointing to Jerry] Oh, he's the comedian.
Jerry: I'm just a regular person.
George Costanza: No, no. He's just being modest.
Aldon Benes: We had a funny guy with us in Korea. A tailgunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific. [long pause]
Aldon Benes: There's nothing funny about that.
Al Michaels: Do you believe in miracles?
Savage Opress: You beg? Weakling!
Carrie : I was specifically told there would be no clowns. There's nothing scarier than a clown.
Jim Rhodes: You're not a soldier.
Tony Stark: Damn right I'm not — I'm an army.
IDAK Alpha 12: Crush! Kill! Destroy!
Anakin: There has been a change of plan. Sorry. You will not understand what I have to do to end the Clone War. You will try to stop me!
Obi Wan: [horrified] Anakin, why?!
Anakin: I'm sorry, but I have seen that it is the Jedi who will stand in the way of peace.
Jerry Seinfeld: [on airline bathrooms] Tiny toilet, tiny light, tiny sink, tiny soap dispenser. Tiny slot- for *used razor blades.* That's always there. Who is shaving on the plane? And shaving so much, they're using UP razor blades? What have you got- the Wolfman flying here?
Grandma Saracen: Landry, stop throwing the ball. You look like a girl.
Landry: Just one more.
Grandma Saracen: No. You're just a funny looking creature.
Landry: [to Matt] She seems to be doing well.
Kojak: Who loves you, baby?
Bullwinkle J. Moose: Hey, Rocky; watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat!
Rocket J. Squirrel: Again?
Bullwinkle J. Moose: Nothin' up my sleeve - Presto! [pulls Rocky out of the hat]
Bullwinkle J. Moose: Well, I'm gettin' close.
The Father: [as Anakin points his lightsaber at the Father's face] Cannot sleep? To strike an unarmed man is hardly the Jedi way.
Anakin: You're a Sith Lord!
The Father: You have a very simple view of the universe. I am neither Sith, nor Jedi. I am much more. And so are you.
Anakin: I see through your spells and visions, old man. Tell me what is going on here!
The Father: [grips Anakin's lightsaber blade with his bare hand] Some call us Force-wielders. [pushes the lightsaber blade back into it's hilt, deactivating it]
Howard Borden: I was, uh, just decorating my Christmas tree and I was wondering, is there a trick to stringing cranberry sauce?
Donald Trump: You're fired!
Wynn Park: Think of the stories we'll tell our grandchildren: 'Grandma and Grandpa were on the Titanic.'
Mr. Big : You're moving to Paris with a Russkie?
Carrie : You do this every time! Every time! What do you have, some kind of radar? 'Carrie might be happy, it's time to sweep in and shit all over it!'
Narrator: Well, today we find our heroes flying along smoothly...
Rocket J. Squirrel: Flying along smoothly?
Bullwinkle J. Moose: You're just looking at the picture sideways!
Rocket J. Squirrel: Actually it's like this!
Narrator: Oh... OH GOOD HEAVENS! Today we find our heroes plunging straight down toward disaster at supersonic speed!
Bullwinkle J. Moose: That's better.
Female Changeling: It is always good to see you, Odo. But I have no intention of surrendering my forces. It would be sign of weakness, an invitation to the Solids to cross into the Gamma Quadrant and destroy the Great Link.
Odo: Believe me when I say that the Federation has its flaws, but a desire for conquest is not one of them.
Female Changeling: And what of the Romulans and the Klingons? Can you say the same for them?
Odo: The Romulan and Klingon Empires are in no position to invade anyone. Besides, the Federation would not allow it.
Female Changeling: The Dominion has spent the last two years trying to destroy the Federation, and now you're asking me to put our fate in their hands?
Female Changeling: I'm sorry, Odo. I do not have your kind of faith in the Solids.
Jerry's girlfriend: I'm sorry, but I can't be with someone whose protégé is a hack.
Jerry: I'm sorry, but I can't be with someone whose mentor is a Costanza.
Jack Benny: Now cut that out!
Jack: (Making phrases to win a scone competition) Where's my scone? Where's my scone? Ah there it is, next to the phone
Armless man: And that's why you don't yell.
(Ezri admits that she and Bashir have spent the night together.)
Ezri Dax: And you're not mad.
Worf: I am very happy for you. But I will have to kill him.
Ezri Dax: (alarmed) You're kidding, right?
Worf: And Jadzia said I did not have a sense of humor.
Bashir: 800 million dead.
Garak: And the figures are still coming in.
Bashir: I'm sorry.
Garak: Oh, it's quite all right, Doctor. Some would say we got exactly what we deserved. After all, we are not completely innocent here. And I'm not just referring to the occupation of Bajor. Our history is filled with arrogant aggression. We joined the Dominion and betrayed the entire Alpha Quadrant. Yes... we are guilty as charged.
Bashir: But Cardassian people are strong, they will survive. Cardassia will survive...
Garak: Oh please, doctor, spare me your insufferable Federation optimism! Of course it'll survive. But not the Cardassia I knew. Our art and literature was second to none. And now look at us. So many of our best minds all... gone.
[After Stark's one night stand with Christine]
Pepper Potts: I have your clothes here; they've been dry cleaned and pressed. And there's a car waiting for you outside that will take you anywhere you'd like to go.
Christine Everheart: You must be the famous Pepper Potts.
Pepper Potts: [smiling] Indeed I am.
Everheart: After all these years, Tony still has you picking up the dry cleaning.
Potts: I do anything and everything Mr. Stark requires. Including, occasionally, taking out the trash. [still smiling] Will that be all?
Arnold Drummond: Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?
Charlotte[testing fragrances] : Maybe cucumber basil?
Samantha : Why would you want to smell like a salad?
Sarah Connor: You did what I asked?
Father Armando Bonilla: I did.
Sarah Connor: And? Why are you here?
Father Armando Bonilla: They have a message for you. She's coming.
[Alarms go off and the cell door gets locked]
Father Armando Bonilla: I don't know what to do.
Sarah Connor: You're a priest. Pray.
[Cameron appears at the hallway, battling the prison guards. At Zeira Corp, John Henry observes the incident and overrides the security measures, unlocking all prison cells.]
Sarah Connor: What's that Bible story, the one with locks fall off?
Father Armando Bonilla: Peter.
Sarah Connor: Yeah. That's a good one. Girth thyself.
John Connor: [to Cameron] Stuff goes wrong with you. You kill birds. You twitch. You try to murder me. You're a machine. You're not perfect.
Guard: Hey! Are you the guy who smashed through my gate?
Waterboy T-888: Yes. [Shoots and kills the guard]
Catherine Weaver: Hey! I liked that gate!
Waterboy T-888: Catherine Weaver?
Catherine Weaver: Sure. [T-888 unloads its pistols on Weaver who heals the gunshot wounds. Weaver promptly stabs him then stabs the power supplies to short-circuit the T-888]
Admiral Ross: Four hundred years ago, a victorious general spoke the words at the end of another costly war: "Today the guns are silent. A great tragedy has ended. We have known the bitterness of defeat and the exultation of triumph, and from both we have learned there can be no going back. We must move forward to preserve in peace what we've won in war."
[outside Dominion headquarters]
Garak: We have a problem.
Kira Only one?
Garak: It's a rather large problem. The cargo bay door is made of neutronium.
Kira Nerys: Then the explosives we brought aren't even going to make a dent.
Garak: You see the problem.
Ekoor: What do we do?
Damar: I don't know. But I'm through hiding in basements.
[Garak begins to laugh]
Damar: I fail to see what is so funny, Garak.
Garak: Well, isn't it obvious? Here we are, ready to storm the castle, prepared to sacrifice our lives in a noble effort to slay the Dominion beast in its lair... [Kira begins to laugh uncontrollably] ...and we can't even inside the gates!
[They all begin to laugh.]
Kira: Maybe... maybe we could go up to the door and ask the Jem'Hadar to let us in.
Damar: Or just send the shapeshifter out to us.
[They group laughs even louder.]
Garak: [sobers gradually] As I said, we have a problem.
Mexican man: Amigo! Be careful. Don't drink the water. Montezuma's revenge. [Andy disregards his warning and drinks the water]
Mexican man: [laughs] Ackhahahahahahaha! Ackhahahahahahaha!
Lloyd Bentsen: Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy.
Female Changeling: I wish you hadn't done that. That was Weyoun's last clone.
Garak: I was hoping you would say that.