Funny Quotes

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."

funny quote by Groucho Marx

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"The comic is the perception of the opposite; humor is the feeling of it."

funny quote by Umberto Eco

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"The reality is, just like with adult books, a big name makes for an easier booking. Any time you're booking an author for a four-and-a-half to five-minute segment, if you're dealing with someone who's done television or comes with a track record, they are a known quantity. They know they have to have a funny or a touching story."

funny quote by Kristin Matthews

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"They are men of character. I find their confrontation very funny, but maybe I'm the only one to think so."

funny quote by Raphael Ibanez

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"Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever."

funny quote by Mark Twain

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"Probably it is impossible for humor to be ever a revolutionary weapon. Candide can do little more than generate irony."

funny quote by Lionel Trilling

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"It's a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get"

funny quote by Anonymous

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"Jess has always made funny comments where you're like, 'Where in the hell did that come from?' But I think it's charming"

funny quote by Ashlee Simpson

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"It is funny the two things most men are proudest of is the thing that any man can do and doing does in the same way, that is being drunk and being the father of their son."

funny quote by Gertrude Stein

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"I'm like a kid in a candy store right now. I'm excited to be running, which is funny, because a lot of guys dread coming to preseason and sprinting around and working your butt off, but I'm really excited just to be out there with the guys. I really missed it."

funny quote by Alecko Eskandarian

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"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."

funny quote by George Bernard Shaw

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"It is well known that Beauty does not look with a good grace on the timid advances of Humour."

funny quote by W. Somerset Maugham

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"If you really look at humor, that's what most of it is anyway. Somebody wisecracking at somebody else. Putting them down. If you look at all the sitcoms, that's all sitcoms are today. Things never change. Sardonic, sarcastic humor is always prevalent. It's hard to do something funny without being that way. It's classier if you didn't have to resort to it, I think."

funny quote by Johnny Hart

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"Humor does not rescue us from unhappiness, but enables us to move back from it a little."

funny quote by Mason Cooley

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"It was beautiful. We all wanted him to do it, hit the home run and break the ice. We all know he has the ability. It's pretty funny to hear people say he doesn't have it anymore."

funny quote by Mark Sweeney

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"It was a funny situation, ... My son was born and as the nurse yelled out the time of birth -- 7:05 p.m. -- everybody started chuckling, which I couldn't understand. Then someone said it was happening around the same time the puck was being dropped in our game [against Montreal] at the Air Canada Centre. I guess I'll have to get the little guy a stick."

funny quote by Darcy Tucker

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"I have a funny feeling he'll be back. I think he has something to prove. I don't think he wants to end his career like that (with an injury). I have a feeling he's coming back, but that's just me. I could be wrong."

funny quote by Anonymous

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"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before."

funny quote by Mae West

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"It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh? Because it is a gravely religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified."

funny quote by Gilbert K. Chesterton

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"Funny how people despise platitudes, when they are usually the truest thing going. A thing has to be pretty true before it gets to be a platitude."

funny quote by Katharine Fullerton Gerould

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"A comedian's body is funny as well as his mind being funny, his whole personage is funny."

funny quote by Bobby Darin

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"A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go about ten feet and pretend YOU got bit by a snake. Then start an argument about who's going to get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke."

funny quote by Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

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"A funny thing happened on the way to the election - I got to the Senate first."

funny quote by Pierre Salinger

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"A little girl can be sweeter (and badder) oftener than anyone else in the world. She can jitter around, and stomp, and make funny noises that frazzle your nerves, yet just when you open your mouth she stands there demure with that special look in her eyes. A girl is Innocence playing in the mud, Beauty standing on its head, and Motherhood dragging a doll by the foot."

funny quote by Alan Marshall Beck

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"A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book."

funny quote by Ernest Hemingway

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"After doing Johnny I wanted to just do something, I wouldn't say innocent, but to not have any care in the world. Lots of setups and horrible happenings but its funny."

funny quote by Jhonen Vasquez

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"But I believe that there are marriages where you can have your pool table and she can have her scrapbooking room or garden or whatever it is. But when everyone has what they want, it's not funny. There's no conflict."

funny quote by Brad Garrett

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"But after they settle in you've still got to be funny, because for an hour just the fact they get to see you live in a theater is going to wear off if you're not doing well."

funny quote by Jerry Seinfeld

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"Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is"

funny quote by Steve Martin

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"Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious."

funny quote by Peter Ustinov

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"Courtney Love is really cool and funny. I would like to meet Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz. I think I could play their daughters."

funny quote by Dakota Fanning

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"Don't get me wrong, there are sometimes if I go and see a really funny comedy, that I wished I had smoked a joint. I'll be honest with you. That's the truth."

funny quote by Stephen Baldwin

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"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."

funny quote by Will Rogers

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"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else."

funny quote by Will Rogers

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"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else."

funny quote by Will Rogers

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"Funny business, a woman's career the things you drop on the way up the ladder so you can move faster. You forget you'll need them again when you get back to being a woman. It's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted."

funny quote by Joseph L. Mankiewicz

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"Garlic gum is not funny"

funny quote by Lines for detention

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"Funny-peculiar or funny-ha-ha"

funny quote by Ian Hay

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"Funny noises are not funny"

funny quote by Lines for detention

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"Funny is an attitude."

funny quote by Flip Wilson

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"Funny how the new things are the old things."

funny quote by Rudyard Kipling

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"Funny how just when you think life can't possibly get any worse it suddenly does."

funny quote by Douglas Noel Adams

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"Funny how a dollar can look so big when you take it to church, and so small when you take it to the store."

funny quote by Anonymous

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"From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere."

funny quote by Dr. Seuss

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"God writes a lot of comedy the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny."

funny quote by Garrison Keillor

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"He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be."

funny quote by Colin Quinn

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"I always find it kind of embarrassing, kind of funny, and kind of exciting. In New York I'm recognized a lot, although nobody says anything. You know, they stare at you just a second too long. But in Paris it's not as commonplace to be recognized."

funny quote by Marc Jacobs

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"I am eternally grateful.. for my knack of finding in great books, some of them very funny books, reason enough to feel honored to be alive, no matter what else might be going on."

funny quote by Kurt Vonnegut

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"I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes Hey, better try the emergency brake"

funny quote by Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

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"I hate it when people take the things I say and turn them into something sexual. Just because it's funny to them, doesn't mean everyone is going to take it that way. And I don't."

funny quote by Kurt Cobain

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"I know what Germans are. They are a funny people. They are always choosing someone to lead them in a direction which they do not want to go."

funny quote by Gertrude Stein

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"I like the idea of being out there regularly with an audience and with a funny gang of people. That's what I grew up with - doing television, doing shows every week."

funny quote by Eric Idle

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"I think a good way to get in a movie is to show up where they're making the movie, then stick a big cactus plant onto your buttocks and start yowling and running around. Everyone would think it was funny, and the head movie guy would say, 'Hey, let's put him in the movie.'"

funny quote by Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

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"I think both of us would have preferred to be able to play the whole summer and see then what would have happened but both of us have hardly played, ... It's funny how that works out."

funny quote by Lindsay Davenport

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"If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress."

funny quote by Will Rogers

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"If you can't be funny, be interesting."

funny quote by Harold Ross

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"If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming."

funny quote by Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

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"If you're robbing a bank, and your pants suddenly fall down, I think it's okay to laugh, and to let the hostages laugh too, because come on, life is funny."

funny quote by Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

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"Isn't it funny how whenever we go to a county fair or a state fair, the first thing we do is see if they have some kind of pornography booth"

funny quote by Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

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"Isn't it funny how we'll look out the window at the moon, and then we notice it's not the moon but a streetlight Also what's funny is how we do this every night."

funny quote by Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

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"Isn't it funny how one minute life can be such a struggle, and the next minute you're just driving real fast, swerving back and forth across the road"

funny quote by Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

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"It is a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it"

funny quote by W. Somerset Maugham

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"It is a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it."

funny quote by W. Somerset Maugham

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"It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger."

funny quote by Gertrude Stein

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"It is funny how we can see this outside world using our eyes; and we can see someone's inside world looking into their eyes."

funny quote by Anonymous

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"It is funny about life: if you refuse to accept anything but the very best you will very often get it."

funny quote by W. Somerset Maugham

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"It is not funny that anything else should fall down only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh Because it is a gravely religious matter it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd for only man can be dignified."

funny quote by Gilbert Keith Chesterton

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"It's a funny thing about life if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."

funny quote by W. Somerset Maugham

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"It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married"

funny quote by Robert Frost

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"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."

funny quote by W. Somerset Maugham

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"It's always helpful to learn from your mistakes because then your mistakes seem worthwhile."

funny quote by Garry Marshall Wake Me When It's Funny

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"It's a funny old world."

funny quote by Margaret Thatcher

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"It's funny, to me, the way people refer to childbirth as a miraculous event. A miracle is something that defies nature. Only, childbirth has got to be the most natural thing in the world. Top three anyway. But, on the other hand, when you think about it, there's really no other word that fits. Sperm. Egg. A coincidental meshing of genetic information that will grow something that could write an opera or cook up some Napalm. It blows my mind."

funny quote by Barbara Hall

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"It's funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they were creating."

funny quote by Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

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"It's funny how dogs and cats know the inside of folks better than other folks do, isn't it"

funny quote by Eleanor H. Porter

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"It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something."

funny quote by Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

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"Kids like my act because I'm wearing nose glasses. Adults like my act because there's a guy who thinks putting on nose glasses is funny"

funny quote by Steve Martin

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"Life does not cease to be funny when people die; any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."

funny quote by George Bernard Shaw

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"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh"

funny quote by George Bernard Shaw

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"Life is funny. Life isn't categorized into comedy, drama, action, is it?So I don't know why they try to categorize everything. It drives me crazy-why it would have to be just a romantic comedy or...I want to have a little integrity, a little story, you know."

funny quote by Jennifer Aniston

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"Life was a funny thing that occured on the way to the grave."

funny quote by Quentin Crisp

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"Rusty You look down, they know you're lying and up, they know you don't know the truth. Don't use seven words when four will do. Don't shift your weight, look always at your mark but don't stare, be specific but not memorable, be funny but don't make him laugh. He's got to like you then forget you the moment you've left his side."

funny quote by Ocean---@---s Eleven

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"Sex is funny and love is serious."

funny quote by Stephan Jenkins

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"Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny."

funny quote by Guy

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"Sometimes when reading Goethe I have a paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny."

funny quote by Guy Davenport

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"Talking perceptions, people. Do we really see each other for what we really are, or do we just see what we want to see, the image distorted by our own personal lenses I lost someone today and the funny thing is, I don't even know who she was."

funny quote by Jeff Melvoin

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"The best ideas come from jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible."

funny quote by David Ogilvie

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"The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible."

funny quote by David Ogilvy

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"The funny thing about stopping is that as soon as you do it, here you are."

funny quote by Jon Kabit-Zinn

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"The leadership instinct you are born with is the backbone. You develop the funny bone and the wishbone that go with it."

funny quote by Elaine Agather

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"The leadership instinct you are born with is the backbone. You develop the funny bone and the wishbone that go along with it."

funny quote by Elaine Agather

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"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...'"

funny quote by Isaac Asimov

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"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka' (I found it) but 'That's funny ...'"

funny quote by Isaac Asimov

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"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny...' by Isaac Asimov"

funny quote by The most exciting phrase to hear in science the one that heralds new discoveries is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny...' by Isaac Asimov

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"The world is a funny paper read backwards. And that way it isn't so funny."

funny quote by Tennessee Williams

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"There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God"

funny quote by Bill Cosby

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"There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world."

funny quote by Jean Baudrillard

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"There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off."

funny quote by Doug Coupland

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"This spirited new musical is American history...but with a 'Forrest Gump'-type twist, as Liberty Smith, an everyman hero and the 'forgotten' founding father, crosses paths with historical giants and influences great events in funny and unexpected ways."

funny quote by George Washington

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"Thoughts are funny little things,
They can make paupers or make kings."

funny quote by Sidney Madwed

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