George Carlin Quotes

George Carlin Quotes. Below is a collection of famous George Carlin quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by George Carlin. Share these quotations with your friends and family.

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in the oposite direction

By George Carlin
The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity

By George Carlin
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong

By George Carlin
Life.....is a series of dogs.

By George Carlin
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.

By George Carlin
Keep thy religion to thyself.

By George Carlin
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

By George Carlin
In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing

By George Carlin
If you�re reading it in a book, folks, it ain�t self-help. It�s help.

By George Carlin
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him

By George Carlin
If a piece requires some specific inflection, I'll record it. I take a lot of notes, and later categorize them, combining them alongside existing ideas, and eventually put a piece together.

By George Carlin
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

By George Carlin
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.

By George Carlin
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

By George Carlin
I went straight from shenanigans to cries against humanity

By George Carlin
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend -- I didn't bother with him.

By George Carlin
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

By George Carlin
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately

By George Carlin
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

By George Carlin
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy

By George Carlin
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

By George Carlin
Hobbies cost money but interests are free.

By George Carlin
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? by

By George Carlin
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck

By George Carlin
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

By George Carlin
Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.

By George Carlin
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

By George Carlin
Electricity is really just organized lightning.

By George Carlin
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything

By George Carlin
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

By George Carlin