Homer Simpson Quotes. Below is a collection of famous Homer Simpson quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by Homer Simpson. Share these quotations with your friends and family.

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"Trying is the first step towards failure."

by Homer Simpson

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"We have had extraordinary requests. We rented Concorde for a private birthday party to go to the Bahamas -- it cost $1 million each way."

by Aaron Simpson

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"We're just going to have to contain him. He's a great quarterback, one of the best I've seen. We'll work something."

by Ko Simpson

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"I remember it like it was yesterday. Nine years of age, Chattanooga, Tennessee. We were entered to the National Boys Championship, and we could not get into the tournament."

by Lenny Simpson

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"Jess has always made funny comments where you're like, 'Where in the hell did that come from?' But I think it's charming"

by Ashlee Simpson

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"I certainly hope we've found our belief to win. When you lose a couple in a row, you lose your belief."

by Scott Simpson

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"A society like ours, which professes no one religion and has allowed all religions to decay, which indulges freedom to the point of license and individualism to the point of anarchy, needs all the support that responsible, cultivated homes can furnish. I hope your generation will provide a firmer shelter for civilized standards."

by Alan Simpson

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"All life's answers are on TV."

by Homer Simpson

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"An educated man ... is thoroughly inoculated against humbug, thinks for himself and tries to give his thoughts, in speech or on paper, some style."

by Alan Simpson

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"And what if we picked the wrong religion? Every week, we're just making God madder and madder!"

by Homer Simpson

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"Any education that matters is liberal. All the saving truths, all the healing graces that distinguish a good education from a bad one or a full education from a half empty one are contained in that word."

by Alan Simpson

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"Boy, everyone is stupid except me."

by Homer Simpson

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"Christmas is the one time of year when people of all religions come together to worship Santa Claus"

by Bart Simpson

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"Don't worry, Homer. Nine out of ten religions fail in their first year."

by Homer Simpson

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"Here lies... Walt Whitman. Aaargh! Damn you Walt Whitman! I... hate... you... Walt... freakin... Whitman, leaves of grass my ass!"

by Homer Simpson

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"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.' by"

by Homer Simpson

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"I used to rock and roll all night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky."

by Homer Simpson

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"I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman! by"

by Homer Simpson

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"I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon! What was his name? Apollo Creed? by"

by Homer Simpson

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"I've got more trophies than Wayne Gretzky & The Pope combined! by"

by Homer Simpson

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"If he's so smart, how come he's dead? by"

by Homer Simpson

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"If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat? by"

by Homer Simpson

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"If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

by Homer Simpson

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"In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"

by Homer Simpson

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"It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

by Homer Simpson

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"Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening"

by Homer Simpson

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"Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk"

by Homer Simpson

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"Lisa: Why are you dedicating your life to blasphemy? Homer: Don't worry, sweetheart. If I'm wrong, I'll recant on my deathbed."

by Homer Simpson

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"Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively"

by Homer Simpson

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"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers."

by Homer Simpson

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"Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use"

by Homer Simpson

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"Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a qtip."

by Homer Simpson

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"Some promises are better left unsaid"

by Ashlee Simpson

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"The word liberal distinguishes whatever nourishes the mind and spirit from the training which is merely practical or professional or from the trivialities which are no training at all."

by Alan Simpson

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"To alchohol, the cause of and solution to all life's problems"

by Homer Simpson

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"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel"

by Homer Simpson

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"What are politicians going to tell people when the Constitution is gone and we still have a drug problem?"

by William Simpson

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"What is a wedding? Webster's dictionary defines a wedding as 'the process of removing weeds from one's garden.' by"

by Homer Simpson

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"When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy"

by Homer Simpson

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"When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle! They're on TV!"

by Homer Simpson

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"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

by Homer Simpson

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"Can't sleep clowns will eat me... Can't sleep clowns will eat me... Can't sleep clowns will eat me... Can't sleep clowns will eat me... Can't sleep clowns will eat me..."

by Bart Simpson

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"Satan's in a boyband."

by Holly Simpson

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"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life's problems"

by Homer Simpson

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"It's a straightforward matter of equality: it's outrageously unfair that heterosexuals shoulder alone the burden of keeping divorce lawyers in Italian sports cars"

by Mark Simpson

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"Remember, to them it is us who are the enemy."

by N. F. Simpson

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"The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity."

by Ulysses Simpson Grant

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"I like to interpose in all of my appointments, if the Lord wills."

by A. B. Simpson

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"From now on Honey, we'll be spelling everything with letters."

by Homer Simpson

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"Can't talk, must eat."

by Homer Simpson

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"I just wish some one would call me 'sir'... without adding 'you're making a scene'."

by Homer Simpson

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"I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun!"

by Homer Simpson

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"I used to be with it, then they changed what it was. Now what was it isn't it, and what is it is weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you too."

by Grandpa Simpson

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"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."

by Homer Simpson

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"So what are you going to do? Release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark they shoot bees at you?"

by Homer Simpson

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"Now I know I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!"

by Homer Simpson

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"No one gets into heaven without a glowstick!"

by Homer Simpson

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"When you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

by Homer Simpson

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"Well kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

by Homer Simpson

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"I know of no method to secure the repeal of bad or obnoxious laws so effective as their strict execution."

by Ulysses Simpson Grant

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"I would like to be a butterfly. Because nobody suspects the butterfly."

by Bart Simpson, The Simpsons

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"Ooooh. So they have the internet on computers now!"

by Homer Simpson

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"Okay, crew, set your faces to 'stunned'."

by Bart Simpson

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"Religion is like farting: we like our own but hate everyone elses."

by Homer Simpson

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"You can never be too rich or too thin."

by Wallis Simpson

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"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution"

by The deep thoughts of Homer Simpson

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"Carentan O Carentan Before we met with you We never yet had lost a man Or known what death could do."

by Louis Simpson

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"For people may not know what they think about politics in the Balkans,..."

by Louis Simpson

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