Sanford and Son Quotes

Fred Sanford: Elizabeth, I'm coming!

TV Show: Sanford and Son
Fred G. Sanford: [Fred reading a recipe from the newspaper's food section] Here it is right here. It says, "Tempt your guests with this delicious, appetizing horse diver."
Lamont Sanford: Wait a minute, let me see that. That's not "horse diver." It's French. That's horz dee ovary.

TV Show: Sanford and Son
Fred Sanford: [Coughs violently] Smokin' less but enjoying it more. [Lamont enters room]
Fred Sanford: Hey Lamont you bring me cigarettes?
Lamont Sanford: What?
Fred Sanford: Cigarettes. Smokes. Did you get them?
Lamont Sanford: Did you hear yourself just now?
Fred Sanford: Yeah I asked if you brung me cigarettes.
Lamont Sanford: No I mean did you hear yourself coughing? I heard you a block away, it sounded like they was tearing up the streets.

TV Show: Sanford and Son
Lamont Sanford: [as the Ghost of Christmas] This is your future, Fred Sanford.
Fred G. Sanford: That's me? All alone, no son, no friends?
Lamont Sanford: And do you know why?
Fred G. Sanford: No deodorant?

TV Show: Sanford and Son
Mrs. Fuentes: Buenas dias, Mr. Sanford!
Fred G. Sanford: And bony knees to you, too.

TV Show: Sanford and Son
Officer Hopkins: The reception in the squad car was terrible. We couldn't pick up anything but police calls.

TV Show: Sanford and Son
Osgood Wilcox: Well, now, I think it only fair to warn you I'm quite skilled at karate. [Demonstrates karate chops and a kick]
Osgood Wilcox: HWAH! HWAH! SHAH!
Fred G. Sanford: This nigger's crazy!

TV Show: Sanford and Son