King of the Hill Quotes

Dale: [throwing a knife and hitting a mannequin] Get away from my wife or next time I'll aim for the mannequin and hit you.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank: [to Bobby] You're a regular Halloween hellraiser just like your old man. [Peggy walks by]
Hank: And I'm very disappointed in you!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: So, Gilbert, how do the Saints look this year?
Gilbert Dauterive: Oh, I am more familiar with sinners than saints, my dear. And sinners always look good.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Peggy Hill: I surely am not unfond of you, Peggy, I tell you what. What kind of marriage proposal is that?

TV Show: King of the Hill
Peggy Hill: Bill's not being an ingrate on purpose.
Peggy Hill: The only way he could get Lenore back...was to become her.
Peggy Hill: Yes, mm-hmm.
Peggy Hill: It wouldn't surprise me if there was some psychological basis to it.

TV Show: King of the Hill
[In an admiral's club]
Hostess: I'm sorry, sir, there's no smoking allowed in here.
Dale: You're not sorry and I'm no admiral. [Stuffs peanuts in his pockets and leaves]

TV Show: King of the Hill
Dale Gribble: [regarding global warming] I say let the world warm up...we'll grow oranges in Alaska.
Hank Hill: Dale you giblet head, we live in Texas. It's already 110 in the summer, and if it gets one degree hotter I'm gonna kick your ass!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: Mother of God! It's all toilet sounds! Where did you record this?!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Dale Gribble: I know what's wrong with it. It's a Ford. You know what they say Ford stands for don't ya? 'Fix it again, Tony'
Hank Hill: You're thinking of a Fiat, Dale.
Dale: Fix... it... again... huh.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Dale Gribble: ... could be helicopters; UN helicopters.
Hank Hill: Dale! Give me some light! Now! I can't see! (Hank drops his wrench) Ow, my arm! (The hood closes) Ow, my head!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Bill Dauterive Uh, are you sure you want to be messing with Hank's truck when he's not around?
Dale Gribble: I'm gonna help get him this alternator off. (Dale cuts a wire).
Bill: Ah, Dale, I think you released the brake cable! Dale?
Dale: No I didn't. (The truck crashes into the garage door). I gotta go! I got some, ah, edging to do. (Dale grabs his cap out of the engine and he, along with Bill and Boomhauer, run back to their homes).

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: Don't play lawyer-ball, son.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Boomhauer: Them dang ol' New York boys, just a show about nothing.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Bobby: (Mocking his dad) Git out my house! My boy ain't much, but he's all I got!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: Peggy, go get my BC headache powder and a glass of water.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank: (Referring to Bobby's comedy tape full of fart noises) What that person on your tape has is a medical disorder.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Peggy Hill: Happiness. Happ-i-ness. Ha-penis. Penis. I did it! Ovaries. Uvula. Uterus. VAAAGINA!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Peggy: Hey Hank, I just said...
Hank: I heard ya. The whole neighborhood can hear you cussing.
Peggy: It's not cussing Hank, to say the name of a god-given body part.
Hank: Well it is if it's the part of a body that was meant to be concealed by an undergarment. You're dealing with organs that people just don't want to know about.
Peggy: Well, Bobby ought to know about 'em. We don't him growing up as repressed as we did.
Hank: Sure we do. I'm drawing the line here, Peggy. My son is not gonna learn this crazy crap! It says right here that he can't take the class without permission from both his parents!
Peggy: Now, just hold on. Are you saying I'm not good enough to teach my own son?!
Hank: If you do not approve, you do not have to sign, and I do not approve. Permission denied!

TV Show: King of the Hill
[Dale is leaving a message on the Hill's answering machine]
Dale Gribble: You don't know who I am, but I know where you live and you better cut it out if you know what's good for you. Oh, and Hank, we changed that tee-off time to 3: 00.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: [As a child] When I grow up, I want to sell propane and propane accessories, if my grades are good enough!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: We of the Order of the Straight Arrow call upon the spirit Wematanye, protector of the sacred ground that brings us cool water to drink and energy-efficient clean-burning propane gas for all our sacred heating and cooking needs. Wematanye says, respect the earth! She's ours, by God, our taxes pay for Her. Also, it says here you gotta love all Her creatures. Let's see...oh, here we go: Though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you're gonna recommend us to the spirit in the sky, with liberty and justice for all. Wematanye is with you, and with Texas. Amen.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: Why would there ever be cheese on Betsy?

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: No Willie no! That's a one way street!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Dale Gribble: It was not done by me it was done through me.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: You do not use a mans hitting wedge to hit mud bobby!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Bobby Hill: Its not mud dad its dog doo

TV Show: King of the Hill
Dale Gribble: Check his pockets for cigarettes.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: Outta my way, rooster boy!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: Your heart is telling you?! Who's the boss, you or your heart? You are! Your heart is your employee! So get your heart off its butt and back to work!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Bill Dauterive: He looks like an angel. A dead angel.
Boomhauer: (crying) Hey man talk about that dang ol' why, why?!
Dale Gribble: It should have been Bill!
Peggy Hill: Oh, Hank. We never got a chance to talk about your problem. And now... we never will.
C. Everett Koop: Remember, early detection is the key. Now pass in your algebra homework.
Cotton Hill: Goodbye, boy. See you in HELL!

TV Show: King of the Hill