Rita Rudner Quotes

Rita Rudner Quotes. Below is a collection of famous Rita Rudner quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by Rita Rudner. Share these quotations with your friends and family.

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes ? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

By Rita Rudner

When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

By Rita Rudner

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with'

By Rita Rudner

To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

By Rita Rudner

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

By Rita Rudner

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

By Rita Rudner

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

By Rita Rudner

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

By Rita Rudner

My mother buried three husbands ... and two of them were only napping.

By Rita Rudner

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

By Rita Rudner

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

By Rita Rudner

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

By Rita Rudner

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

By Rita Rudner

Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.

By Rita Rudner

Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before.

By Rita Rudner

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

By Rita Rudner

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

By Rita Rudner

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

By Rita Rudner

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

By Rita Rudner

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry

By Rita Rudner

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

By Rita Rudner

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

By Rita Rudner

Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them

By Rita Rudner

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.

By Rita Rudner