Phyllis Diller Quotes

Phyllis Diller Quotes. Below is a collection of famous Phyllis Diller quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by Phyllis Diller. Share these quotations with your friends and family.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

By Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

By Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

By Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

By Phyllis Diller
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day

By Phyllis Diller
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

By Phyllis Diller
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves

By Phyllis Diller
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

By Phyllis Diller
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

By Phyllis Diller
Living in Hollywood is like living in a lit cigar butt.

By Phyllis Diller
If that's the best joke in the world, then I've never had a face-lift.

By Phyllis Diller
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

By Phyllis Diller
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered

By Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

By Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing

By Phyllis Diller
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

By Phyllis Diller
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

By Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.

By Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

By Phyllis Diller