Ogden Nash Quotes | Quotesoup

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

By Ogden Nash

It is common knowledge to every schoolboy and even every Bachelor of Arts, That all sin is divided into two parts....

By Ogden Nash

Indoors or out, no one relaxes In March, that month of wind and taxes, The wind will presently disappear, The taxes last us all year.

By Ogden Nash

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.

By Ogden Nash

Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes, the wind will presently disappear, the taxes last us all the year.

By Ogden Nash

Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You're sunk from a riot of relaxation.

By Ogden Nash

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

By Ogden Nash

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.

By Ogden Nash

Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures -- take them, George, they're yours!

By Ogden Nash

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?

By Ogden Nash

The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift.

By Ogden Nash

If you are really Master of your Fate, it shouldn't make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or the Bearded Lady is your mate.

By Ogden Nash

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

By Ogden Nash

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.

By Ogden Nash

A little incompatibility is the spice of life, as long as he has income and she is pattable.

By Ogden Nash

Some primal termite knocked on wood; and tasted it, and found it good. That is why your Cousin May fell through the parlor floor today.

By Ogden Nash

Man is a victim of dope in the incurable form of hope.

By Ogden Nash

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.

By Ogden Nash

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.

By Ogden Nash

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.

By Ogden Nash

If some confectioners were willing To let the shape announce the filling, We'd encounter fewer assorted chocs, Bitten into and returned to the box.

By Ogden Nash

They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.

By Ogden Nash

Candy, is dandy, but Liquor, is quicker.

By Ogden Nash

Good wine needs no bush, and perhaps products that people really want need no hard-sell or soft-sell TV push. Why not? Look at pot.

By Ogden Nash

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely

By Ogden Nash

When there are monsters there are miracles.

By Ogden Nash

Too clever is dumb.

By Ogden Nash

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it Whenever you're right, shut up.

By Ogden Nash

Then here's to the heartening wassail, Wherever good fellows are found; Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around

By Ogden Nash

The trouble with a kitten is that when it grows up, it's always a cat.

By Ogden Nash