Johnny Carson Quotes

Johnny Carson Quotes. Below is a collection of famous Johnny Carson quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by Johnny Carson. Share these quotations with your friends and family.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: Are your ready?

By Johnny Carson
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

By Johnny Carson
'Your chances of getting hit by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky and say 'Storms suck!'.

By Johnny Carson
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

By Johnny Carson
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

By Johnny Carson
Who could follow Carson? Well, believe me, somebody can - and will.

By Johnny Carson
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money

By Johnny Carson
The Hollywood tradition I like best is called 'sucking up to the stars.'

By Johnny Carson
The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money

By Johnny Carson
The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.

By Johnny Carson
Only lie about the future.

By Johnny Carson
Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.

By Johnny Carson
My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

By Johnny Carson
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die

By Johnny Carson
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam

By Johnny Carson
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

By Johnny Carson
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

By Johnny Carson
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

By Johnny Carson
I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive

By Johnny Carson
I knew a man who gave up smoking, drinking, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

By Johnny Carson
He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.

By Johnny Carson
For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

By Johnny Carson
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off

By Johnny Carson
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

By Johnny Carson
Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

By Johnny Carson
The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money

By Johnny Carson