Ass Quotes. Below are examples of popular Ass quotes. These great quotes about Ass come from famous people and QuoteSoup members. QuoteSoup is a great resource for Ass quotes. Share these sayings and quotations with friends.

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"LOOKING-GLASS, n. A vitreous plane upon which to display a fleeting show for man's disillusion given. The King of Manchuria had a magic looking-glass, whereon whoso looked saw, not his own image, but only that of the king. A certain courtier who had long enjoyed the king's favor and was thereby enriched beyond any other subject of the realm, said to the king: Give me, I pray, thy wonderful mirror, so that when absent out of thine august presence I may yet do homage before thy visible shadow, prostrating myself night and morning in the glory of thy benign countenance, as which nothing has so divine splendor, O Noonday Sun of the Universe! Please with the speech, the king commanded that the mirror be conveyed to the courtier's palace; but after, having gone thither without apprisal, he found it in an apartment where was naught but idle lumber. And the mirror was dimmed with dust and overlaced with cobwebs. This so angered him that he fisted it hard, shattering the glass, and was sorely hurt. Enraged all the more by this mischance, he commanded that the ungrateful courtier be thrown into prison, and that the glass be repaired and taken back to his own palace; and this was done. But when the king looked again on the mirror he saw not his image as before, but only the figure of a crowned ass, having a bloody bandage on one of its hinder hooves --as the artificers and all who had looked upon it had before discerned but feared to report. Taught wisdom and charity, the king restored his courtier to liberty, had the mirror set into the back of the throne and reigned many years with justice and humility; and one day when he fell asleep in death while on the throne, the whole court saw in the mirror the luminous figure of an angel, which remains to this day."

ass quote by Anonymous

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"Hay is more acceptable to an ass than gold."

ass quote by Latin Proverb

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"A book is a mirror; if an ass peers into it, you can not expect an apostle to peer out."

ass quote by George Christoph Lichtenberg

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"A man's women folk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity. His most gaudy sayings and doings seldom deceive them they see the actual man within, and know him for a shallow and pathetic fellow. In this fact, perhaps, lies one of the best proofs of feminine intelligence, or, as the common phrase makes it, feminine intuition."

ass quote by Henry Louis Mencken

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"A traveler must have the back of an ass to bear all,
a tongue like the tail of a dog to flatter all,
the mouth of a hog to eat what is set before him,
the ear of a merchant to hear all and say nothing."


ass quote by Thomas Nashe

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"Above all things, be not made an ass to carry the burdens of other men if any friend desire thee to be his surety, give him a part of what thou has to spare if he presses thee further, he is not thy friend at all."

ass quote by Sir Walter Raleigh

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"An ass may bray a good while before he shakes the stars down."

ass quote by George Eliot

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"An ass is but an ass, though laden with gold."

ass quote by Romanian Proverb

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"Ass, gas or grass, nobody rides for free."

ass quote by Bumper Sticker

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"Carter My daddy'll kick your daddy's ass all the way from here to China, Japan, wherever the hell you from and all up that Great Wall too."

ass quote by Rush Hour

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"Carter Don't you ever touch a black man's radio, boy You can do that in China but you can get your ass killed out here, man."

ass quote by Rush Hour

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"CHRIS The bane and blessing of human nature. That old cat killer, curiosity. Something so deeply embedded in our psyches that it screams to us from ancient myths of Pandora. Eve. Lot's wife. JOEL Eve lost paradise, Lot's wife was turned into a pillar of salt. Knowledge doesn't come cheap my friend. CHRIS Good or bad, curiosity is woven into our DNA like tonsils or like the opposable thumb. It's the fire under the ass of the human experience"

ass quote by Jeffrey Vlaming

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"Clarence Oh there they go. There they go, every time I start talkin 'bout boxing, a white man got to pull Rocky Marciano out their ass. That's their one, that's their one. Rocky Marciano. Rocky Marciano. Let me tell you something once and for all. Rocky Marciano was good, but compared to Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano ain't shit."

ass quote by Coming to America

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"Donnie Brasco Forget about it is like if you agree with someone, you know, like Raquel Welsh is one great piece of ass, forget about it. But then, if you disagree, like A Lincoln is better than a Cadillac Forget about it you know But then, it's also like if something's the greatest thing in the world, like mingia peppers, forget about it. But it's also like saying Go to hell too. Like, you know, like Hey Paulie, you got a one inch pecker and Paulie says Forget about it Sometimes it just means forget about it"

ass quote by Donnie Brasco

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"Even on the highest throne in the world, we are still sitting on our ass."

ass quote by Michel de Montaigne

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"Ferris Cameron has never been in love -- at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work."

ass quote by Ferris Bueller---@---s Day Off

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"Happy Son of a bitch ball. Why can't you go home Aren't you good enough for your home Answer me. Suck my white ass ball."

ass quote by Happy Gilmore

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"Happy If I saw myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass."

ass quote by Happy Gilmore

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"Happy Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor the accountant. Probably a great golfer. Huge ass."

ass quote by Happy Gilmore

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"Here lies... Walt Whitman. Aaargh! Damn you Walt Whitman! I... hate... you... Walt... freakin... Whitman, leaves of grass my ass!"

ass quote by Homer Simpson

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"I think the American public wants a solemn ass as a President, and I think I'll go along with them."

ass quote by Calvin Coolidge

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"I think the American public wants a solemn ass as a President, and I think I'll go along with them"

ass quote by Calvin Coolidge

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"If an ass goes travelling he will not come home a horse."

ass quote by Thomas Fuller

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"If three people say you are an ass, put on a bridle."

ass quote by Danish proverb

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"Indians are plenty smart. We catch small wood. Build small fire. Stand close and stay warm all over. White men not so smart. They catch big wood. Build big fire. Stand far away, burn face and freeze ass."

ass quote by Henry Seely

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"It is a pain in the ass waiting around for someone to try to kill you."

ass quote by Roger Zelazny

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"It is good for a man to eat thistles and to remember that he is an ass."

ass quote by E. S. Dallas

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"Juanita Ooh that boy's a fine piece of work all right. He's a fine piece of ass though, too."

ass quote by Billy Madison

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"Marta likes to talk about sensuality, but I don't think she would know sensuality if it bit her on the ass."

ass quote by Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

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"Meditation... disolves the mind. It erases itself. Throws the ego out on its big brittle ass."

ass quote by Tom Robbins

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"Michael Bolton Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton. Samir You know there's nothing wrong with that name. Michael Bolton There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys."

ass quote by Office Space

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"Never assume, for it makes an ASS out of U and ME."

ass quote by Anon.

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"One of the strongest natural proofs of the folly of hereditary right in kings is, that nature disapproves it; otherwise she would not so frequently turn it into ridicule by giving mankind an ass in place of a lion"

ass quote by Thomas Paine

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"Personally I think birthdays and anniversaries are like menstrual cramps, a regular pain in the ass thats somehow connected to birth."

ass quote by Hugh Elliott

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"Pleasure is the carrot dangled to lead the ass to market or the precipice."

ass quote by Robinson Jeffers

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"Ricky Here's what I'm gonna ask of you... We're going to be spending the night in New York, so it worked out well for all of us. I want you to take it back to the business class, I want you to round up a couple of honeys... At our hotel room we're gonna have kind of a pool party. California gangster-style, you know what I mean Kick ass pool party thing."

ass quote by Made

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"Ricky Excuse me Honey, umm, where the drinks are concerned, is that a hidden tax Does that fall under complementary up front service as well or is that something you pay for Flight Attendent Oh no, no, they're complementary. Would you care for another one Ricky They're complementary Flight Attendent Yes. Ricky You bet your ass I would."

ass quote by Made

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"That's the whole thing with the hog. It's you and 80 wild horses under your butt, just sitting on 10 square inches where the rubber meets the road. That hurricane gale wind whipping you in the face, leaning into a curve you can feel that gravity wanting to suck you down into it and what do you do Give it a little more gas. Pure centrifugal force. You can see yourself hurtling ass end over teakettle into oblivion."

ass quote by Robin Green

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"The ass will carry his load, but not a double load ride not a free horse to death."

ass quote by Miguel de Cervantes

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"The law is sic a ass - a idiot."

ass quote by Charles Dickens

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"The sun don't shine on the same dog's ass all the time."

ass quote by Catfish Hunter

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"Tommy You can take a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a bull's ass, but wouldn't you rather take the butcher's word for it"

ass quote by Tommy Boy

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"While you're saving your face, you're losing your ass."

ass quote by Lyndon B. Johnson

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"Writing and travel broaden your ass if not your mind and I like to write standing up."

ass quote by Ernest Hemingway

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"Would you like to ride on your own ass?"

ass quote by Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand

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"Your brain can only absorb what your ass can endure."

ass quote by P. Dan Wiwchar

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"'In the bad old days reference to Blacks/women/Jews/others were in negative language which perpetuated poor treatment/ abuse/ exploitation of these people. Animals have suffered more from negative language stereotyping than all the others, and demeans them so constantly that they created an environment that allows all sorts of cruelties, many too horrendous to describe! An animal is 'it' instead of 'he' or 'she', this perpetuates our view of them as 'things' rather than individuals and is a major first step towards cutting them up for meat and leather, testing drugs/cosmetics/ household products on their bodies, and tearing off their coats for furs!!! Those who have pets are referred to as 'owners' rather than guardians/care givers/companions, reinforcing the idea that they are property much as slaves were considered property. Let's avoid these references: Dirty rat; filthy pig; acting like an ass; dirty dog; she's a bitch; ugly duckling; there's more than one way to skin a cat; behaving like an animal; making a monkey out of someone; killing 2 birds with one stone; working like a horse, you're chicken ... There are many more! Please think before uttering them and tell others. Thank you!'"

ass quote by Arthur Goldberg

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"Prince Charming is very nice and very honest and very confident in who he is and funny and knows how to have a kick-ass fun time. Is willing to melt away so that nothing else exists in the world except himself and his princess and loves food and cats and every life form except human beings which is not necessary."

ass quote by Alicia Silverstone

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"You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway."

ass quote by Scott Adams

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"Anti-Valentines Day Poem Hearts and roses and kisses galore, What the hell is all that shit for? People get mushy and start acting queer, It is definitely the most annoying day of the year. This day needs to get the hell over with and pass, Before I shove something up Cupid's ass. I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak And wear black for the rest of the week. Guys act all sweet, but soon it will fade, For all they are doing is trying to get laid. The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit, Cause I think this love thing is a crock of shit. So, here's my story... what else can I say? Love bites my ass... Fuck Valentines Day!"

ass quote by Anonymous

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"I don't belive in staying a step ahead. ONE step is enough for someone to kick your ass. I like to keep myself a nice distance of five steps. That way if I hear anyone behind me I can turn around and stab the motherfucker."

ass quote by Charles Marshall

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"I am Dislexic of Borg. Resistance is Futile. Prepare to have your ass laminated."

ass quote by Chris

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"Don't talk more shit than your ass can produce."

ass quote by Anonymous

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"I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately i can't stick my head that far up my ass"

ass quote by Liam Gallagher

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"I tried to see things from your point of view, but I couldn’t put my head that far up my ass."

ass quote by Anonymous

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"I have tried to see things from your point of view, but no matter how hard I try, or what I do, I just can't get my head that far up my ass."

ass quote by Salvador Ortiz

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"He who goes to sleep with itchy ass, wakes up with smelly finger."

ass quote by Chinese Proverb, or something

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"Life is like a jar of jalapenos. It doesn't matter what you take, it's gonna blow up your ass"

ass quote by Anonymous

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"Life is all about ass; you're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, or behaving like one."

ass quote by Stephen Jolly

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"If you think sex is a pain in the ass, try different position."

ass quote by Anonymous

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"If a big man with huge muscles kicks in your door and screams 'Everyone get on the ground!!' you then have 3 options. Stand there frozen, get on the ground, or scream back at him; 'Maybe next time when you break into my house, you can knock first! That way, I can put my pants on and wipe my ass!!'"

ass quote by JD Walnut (?)

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"No Matter how big you think you are in this world, at the end of the day everybody still has to wipe their own ass."

ass quote by Howard Stern

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"The best diet in the world is scratching your ass and smelling your fingers."

ass quote by Anonymous

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"Politics is like trying to screw a cat in the ass."

ass quote by Charles Bukowski

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"Well, waking up hungover and snuggled up in bed with the boss's 19-yr-old daughter and having to walk out of the house past his surprised ass at the breakfast table doesn't do wonders for your career."

ass quote by Duncan Johnson alt.drunken.bastards

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"If an ass goes traveling it will not come home a horse."

ass quote by Proverb

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"PurpleBlood> Dont take offense by this, but how old are you? You must be a major geek to sit around in this channel on your computer all day, and on your ASS! SEGA> im a bot you fucking idiot."

ass quote by mp3 on Dalnet

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"I have had a most rare vision. I have had a dream past the wit of man to say what dream it was. Man is but an ass if he go about to expound this dream."

ass quote by William Shakespeare

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"My ass contemplates those who talk behind my back."

ass quote by Francis Picabia

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"There's no 'I' in 'team', but there's one in 'Kiss my ass!'"

ass quote by Slayer

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"When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME."

ass quote by Anonymous

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"Every time I say sure when I mean no, every time I smile brightly when I'm exploding with rage, every time I imagine my man's achievement is my own, I know the cheerleader never really died. I feel her shaking her ass inside me and I hear her breathless, girlish voice mutter T-E-A-M, Yea, Team."

ass quote by Louise Bernikow

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"A whiskey glass and a woman's ass are the downfall of many a good man."

ass quote by Rick Chapman

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"When I die, I want you to bury me upside down, so the whole world can kiss my ass."

ass quote by Gravestone

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"He who trains his tongue to quote the learned sages, will be known far and wide as a smart ass."

ass quote by Howard Kandel

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"Do not walk behind me for you are not my slave, and do not walk next to me, even though you are my equal.. but walk five steps in front of me cause baby you got a nice ass!"

ass quote by Allyn Rodriguez!

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"Dear Signore Direttore, Now I am a-tella you a story wot I was a-treated at your hotella. I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London an stay as a-younga cristan man at your hotella. When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed - how can I sleep whit no shit i my bed? So I calla down to the receptione and tella: 'I wanta shit'. They tella me: 'Go to toilet'. I say: 'No,no I wanta shit in my bed'. They say: 'You better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch'. What is sonna-wa-bitch? I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egga and two pissis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and point at toast: 'I wanta piss'. She tella me: 'Go to toilet'. I say: 'I wata piss on my plate'. She then say to me: 'You'd bloody not piss on the plate, you sonna-wa-bitch'. That is the second person who do not even know me calla me 'sonna-wa-bitch', an why is your staff replying 'Go to toilet', is that a modern tella? I do no understand, Please tella me! Later I go for dinner in your restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress: 'I wanta fock'. And she tella me: 'Sure, everyone wanta fock'. I say: 'No,no you dont understanda me, I wanta fock on the table'. She tella me: So you sonna-wa-bitch wanta fock on the table? Get your ass out of here! How comma this cristian hotel tella the guest in such bad manner? So I go to receptioneand ask for bill, I no wanta stay in this hotel no more. When I have paid the a-billa the portier say to me: 'Thank you and piss on you'. I say: 'Piss on you too, you sonna-wa-bitch, I go back to Italy'. Direttore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna-wa-bitch. Sincerely Dicci Elgre"

ass quote by Anonymous

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"Jenny + Greg' (written in a heart) Written by a different person underneath: 'If you love him so much why do you write his name where you wipe your ass?"

ass quote by Restroom Graffiti

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"The only way you'll get laid is to crawl up a chicken's ass and wait."

ass quote by Bumper sticker

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"The moon may kiss the stars so high The sun may kiss the bright blue sky The dew may kiss the morning grass But you my friend, can kiss my ass"

ass quote by Anonymous

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"You suffer from the oral-anal reversal problem... you're either talking shit or talking out-of-your-ass, but you don't know which."

ass quote by Maj Chip Krokoski

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"When life seems to have turned it's back on you,stand up and kick it in the ass."

ass quote by Kelly LeBrun

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"A man's women folk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity. His most gaudy sayings and doings seldom deceive them; they see the actual man within, and know him for a shallow and pathetic fellow. In this fact, perhaps, lies one of the best proofs of feminine intelligence, or, as the common phrase makes it, feminine intuition."

ass quote by H. L. Mencken

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"I'm only here to do two things, kick some ass and drink some beer. Looks like we're almost out of beer."

ass quote by Dazed and Confused

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"I'm only here to do two things, drink some beer and kick some ass. Looks like we're almost out of beer."

ass quote by Dazed and Confused

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"I guess in the end I'm just a trendy ass poser"

ass quote by SLC punk

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"I could get a good look at a T-bone steak by sticking my head up a bulls ass, but don't you think I would rather take a butchers word for it?"

ass quote by Tommy Boy

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"I am ready man, check it out, I am the ULTIMATE bad ass. State-of-the-bad-ass-art. You do not want to fuck with me. Check it out! Hey Ripley, don't worry. Me and my squad of ultimate bad-asses will protect you. Check it out! Independently targeting particle beam phalanx...FWAP! Fry half a city with this puppy. We got tactical smart missiles, phase plasma pulse rifles, RPGs, we got sonic, electronic, BALL breakers! We got nukes, we got knives, sharpsticks..."

ass quote by Hudson, Aliens

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"One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it at the local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all. But the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with a trip to the emergency room. Then, last week, I saw him in the pet store. He was buying another cat! I said, 'Walt, what the hell are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too, why don't you knock it off?' And he says to me, 'Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?' My cousin was a weird guy."

ass quote by Brodie Bruce, Mallrats

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"One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all, but the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, 'Jesus, Walt! You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck in your ass too. Why don't you knock it off ?' And he said to me, 'Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out ?' My cousin was a weird guy."

ass quote by Brodie, Mallrats

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"Ohhh man! I will never forgive your ass for this shit! This is some fucked-up repugnant shit!"

ass quote by Pulp Fiction

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"Oh see, now that pisses me off. First of all, we have over 400 plaintiffs here, and, let's be honset, we all know there are more out there. They may not be the most sophistcated people but they do know how to divide and 20 million dollars isn't shit when you split it between them. Second of all, these people don't dream about being rich. They dream about being able to let their kids swim in a pool without worrying that they'll have to have a historectomy by the age of 20, like Rosa Fields, a client of ours. Or have their spine deteriorate, like Stan Bloom, another client of ours. So before you come back here with another lame-ass offer, I want you to think real hard about what your spine is worth Mr. Walker. Or how much you'd expect somebody to pay you for your uteris Ms. Sanchez. Then you take out your calculator, and you multiply that number by a hundred. Anything less than that is a waste of our time. By the way, we had that water brought in special for you folks. Came from a well in Hinkley."

ass quote by Julia Roberts, Erin Brockovich

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"There was nothing wrong with my name... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass-clown became famous and started winning Grammies."

ass quote by Michael Bolton, Office Space

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"Why shouldn't I work for the NSA? That's a tough one. But I'll take a shot. Say I'm workin' at the NSA and somebody puts a code on my desk, somethin' no one else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it and I'm real happy with myself cause I did my job well, but maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East and once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels are hiding, fifteen hundred people I never met, never had no problem with get killed. Now the politicains are sayin' 'Oh send in the marines to secure the area, cause they don't give a shit, won't be their kid over there gettin' shot just like it wasn't them when their number got called cause they were all pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southy over there takin' shrapnel in the ass. He comes back to find that the plant he used to work at, got exported to the country he just got back from, and the guy that put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job cause he'll work for 15 cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile, he realises the only reason he was over there in the first place was so that we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price, and ofcourse the oil companies use a little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices, a cute little ancilliary benefit for them, but it ain't helpin' my buddy at 2.50 a gallon. Their takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, of course maybe they even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martini's and fuckin' play slolum with the icebergs. It ain't to long til he hits one, spills the oil, and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic... so now my buddy's out of work, he can't afford to drive, so he's walkin' to the fuckin' job interviews which sucks cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him cronic hemroids and meanwhile, he's starvin' cause everytime he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special their serving is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State.... so what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure fuck it, while Im at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe, and join the National Guard. I could be elected President."

ass quote by Matt Damon, Good Will Hunting

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"When I go to bed at night I do 4 things. I drop my robe, slide under the sheets, turn on my left side and stick out my ass. That's it. That's the signal. I just - I back it right up there because I know when I do, no matter how cold the damn thing is, no matter how difficult it might feel, no matter how desperately we want to kill each other it's gonna be met by this warm body on the other side that's gonna hold it. Two arms that... wrap around, pull me out of my head, quiet the voices, save me from myself... without ever having to ask. Every night, 31 years. Every night there's my ass and every night... he never lets me down. You find your home, and it may not be what you thought - you know; colour's off, style's wrong... but there it is anyway and to hell with you if you can't take a joke."

ass quote by Moonlight Mile

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"What the fuck-ass-fuck-of-a-bum-fuck-shithole town is this?"

ass quote by Mystery Alaska

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"You've got your head so far up Mr. Allen's ass I can't tell where he ends and you begin!"

ass quote by Jim Carrey, Liar Liar

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"Patience is the virtue of an ass, who treads beneath his burden and complains not."

ass quote by George Granville

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"The sun will kiss the afternoon sky, and the moon will kiss the stars so high. The morning dew will kiss the grass, but you, my friend, can kiss my ass."

ass quote by Anonymous

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"A politician is an ass upon which everyone has sat except a man."

ass quote by e. e. (Edward Estlin) cummings

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"Discussing, the knowledge of wisdom with a fool is like you spread the saffron in the front of an ass."

ass quote by Ehsan Sehgal

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"It's better to have a swine and an ass as your companions than to have foolish people around you."

ass quote by Syed Amaan Ahmad

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"Watch out your wide-ass mouth;all that you say circles back to you,remember you're the Destination of your own words"

ass quote by Amadu

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